CHAPTER THIRTEEN; THE DRIVE HOME.

Neither of us has said anything since we got back into the car. A lot of things are replaying in my mind. As much as I am grateful that he came to get me, there's still something about him that scares me. I catch him looking at me and look out the window. It's late and there's no one around. I close my eyes so he'll think I am asleep. What is going on with Jade? She's been my constant since my family died. Suddenly I feel so alone. Can it be that even after all this while I can't really count on her? How is it at the end of the day the person i'm with is a possible murderer patient? How is it that he is the one who seems to understand me? I can feel tears welling in my eyes. They fall and I turn away and wipe them. I don't know if he notices but he doesn't say anything.

The car stops and I open my eyes. We are outside my apartment. "Thank you and good night," I quickly turn to open the door but he beats me to it. He locks my door from his side. "What?" I ask looking out the window afraid to face him. "What do you want to know?" he asks. "Nothing, i just want to get to bed," i look away from the window. We are all facing forward, quiet and in the dark. "If you go in right now, will you even get any sleep?" I don't want to lie to him but i also don't want to admit that he's right so i don't answer. "I'm saying you can ask me anything?" "And you'll be completely honest with me?" "As honest as possible and what i can't tell you i just won't answer," "But you won't lie to me?" "I have never and would never lie to you."

He says that with such resolve i can't help but believe him. I know i might never get a chance like this again but i'm scared of the truth even more than not knowing. What if he says he killed Rackel's lover then what. I am obligated to report him. He is quiet and i can feel him patiently waiting for my question. "You know the night i moved to Jade's right?" "Yeah," he says quietly anticipating the question. "Where were you the night before?" I hold my breathe hoping he says he was as far away from this place as possible. "I was in Europe," my heart eases up. "Really?" I ask unable to hide my relief. "Yes, i told you i won't lie plus you're not the first person to ask me that." "Who else did?" "The cops, what was his name..." "Kerrick?" i ask.  "No, it was detective Swindle," he says. "It's the same person," I say lightly. "You call him by his first name, how close are you guys?" I feel like I am cheating. "It's nothing like that," I don't know why but i just feel the need to explain it to him. 

He bursts out laughing, "you're entitled to a social life that i'm not aware of Vee."  I feel embarassed and flushed. "May i go now?" I want to get out of the car before i make an even bigger fool of myself than i have. I don't like how he can get a rise out of me so easily. "Are you feeling better?" " I still have a lot in my mind, but at least you've distracted me for a while," i say thankfully. "I could make you feel better," he says before turning on the car lights. "I don't feel like talking about it," i say looking at him. "Who says we have to talk?" There is a twinkle in his eyes. One I have never seen before. He leans forward and put his hand in my hair and starts playing with my curls. My whole body relaxes to his touch. He lowers his hand to the back of my neck. He closes the small distance between us. His lips touch mine and i subconciously close my eyes and welcome all the emotions only he seems to bring out in me 

The kiss is soft, smooth not eager to take but giving. He unravels something in me, something i have never felt, something i had no idea i was capable of feeeling. It is not butterflies, it is not colors, no it is something bigger. My heart opens up and i feel so vulnerable, so exposed yet so safe. He moves and starts kissing my neck. "We can't," i manage to say. He nibbles at my ear, "why?" he asks before resuming kissing me. I can't seem to think of a reason why not, not even one. He goes back to kissing my neck. He move his hand to the side of my seat and moves it back, all the way back surprising me. I open my eyes and look at his, "Avan," i whisper. "Vee," he say before adjusting himself slightly on top of me. 

This time he starts kissing my neck but slowly starts biting me. It hurts so good, i gasp by surprise and he kisses me again as if to take the pain away. He bites me from where my ear meets my neck and goes lower to my clavicle. He eases in but does not stop. He kisses the top part of my breasts very tenderly. One of his hand is at the back of my head passively playing with my hair. But it's not the one i am aware of. It is the other one, the one drawing circles on my thighs. I had not had time to change so i had just gotten out with my mid thigh silk night dress. I feel him getting higher and higher. I place my hand on top of his forearm to slow him down. He bites my breast, not subtly, with a lot of passion and with no warning. Out of surprise more than anything else I let go of his hand and hold his hair. I get closer to him raising my whole body towards him. He takes that chance and get's his hand higher in my thigh that i can feel his thumb touch my throbbing clittoris and the rest of his fingers dig deeper into my skin.

My mind is blank and my whole body is tingling and hungry to be fed. I am ready for the taking, damn the consequences. He pulls back and slowly removes his hand from my thigh. I open my eyes. He looks undisturbed like all that had no effect on him. He leans back in and i think he wants to kiss me. In stead he readjusts the seat back to upright position. I fix my night dress and try to catch my breath. "You good?" he asks. I reach for the door. He unlocks it before also getting out of the car. We stand in front of the gate. I can't manage to look at him and he can't seem to stop smiling. "Remove that smirk off your face," he tries to put on a straight face but fails to keep it. He bursts out laughing. An unrestrained , untrained laughter. I can't help but stare, i want to know what can make him vulnerable, what was capable of hurting him so much that he lost all his sincere laughs. 

We look at each other. He is holding back something and i know unless he wants me to know i can never even catch a glimpse of it. Suddenly a wave of sadness hits me. I move in and hug him. He freezes for a minute but hugs me back. I cannot stop the tears that stream from my eyes. He hugs me tighter. This  time I don't even try to hide it. I am not even sure why i am crying. Maybe it's because i know deep down that my relationship with Jade has changed , maybe it's because the person who makes me feel the most safe is the one i shouldn't be with, maybe it's because i know this won't end well or maybe it's because i keep seeing him laugh with such emptiness in his eyes. 

After a while I pull back and he wipes off my tears. He cups my cheeks, "everything will sort itself out." I don't think i believe him but he says it with such certainity i can't help myself but wonder what if it does. "Thank you for tonight," I say when he lets go of my cheeks. "You should try and get some rest." He moves aside so I can go in. I open the gate but he calls out for me before i get in, "Vienna," i look back at him. "Why didn't you ask me straight out.?" "Ask you what?" "If i had killed the guy in the hotel?" I stop to assess whether he is mad but all i see is pure curiosity. "Because of the note," i answer. He nods and i walk in. It's only after I turn on my lights that i hear him starting the car and driving off.