Chapter 4

RYDER

I do not know why, but all my anger melted instantly. It was as though cold ice had been poured over me. This was exactly the effect she had on me back then, and I reminded myself that I should not let her daughter do the same. They could not toy with my heart, trash it, and leave me to the other man. At the thought, anger simmered inside me. Who was the man who had climbed into my girl's bed?

Rose left. She fucking left. Why was I forgetting that so easily?

I almost died. A few days later, Dad's sickness worsened, and I had to fight heartbreak while mourning my father. He did not make it. My hands curled into tight fists.

"Dada, where is Mama?"

Her tiny voice came again. Did she not know her father? Did Rose give birth to my child? The thought crossed my mind, but I quickly shoved it aside. I had never penetrated her. Not once during all the time we were together. But then there was that dream where she moaned so sweetly for me and cried my name. It still felt so real. I pushed the thought away. I had wanted her so badly that I must have dreamed it. It never really happened.

I walked toward the little girl. I did not bother correcting her. "Mum is resting. I'll take care of you until she wakes up, okay?"

She nodded innocently, and somehow, it melted my heart even more. I hated and loved the feeling at the same time. I cupped her cheek and kissed her hair. I hardly left her side unless it was important. Three days later, she was discharged, and Rose still had not woken up. I am not going to lie. I was beginning to get a little scared, but the hospital assured me she would be fine. She had simply been through a lot of stress.

I found out her name was Annie. I took her home, bought her some gifts, and treated her well. Whatever I had with her mother was between Rose and me.

On the seventh day, Rose finally woke up. She looked better, though still weak.

"Is she mine?"

The question had already left my mouth before I realized what I had asked. I did not know why a part of me wanted to believe my dream had been real. She looked weakly at me, then at Annie, who was sleeping peacefully on my chest.

"Come on, Ryder."

That was her answer. I did not need any more explanation to understand what she meant. It was foolish of me to ask anyway. I did not know what I had been thinking.

"Your hospital bills have been paid. I pray our paths never cross again. Be happy with your marriage."

I said the words, but her eyes turned away. She looked sad. I wondered what I had done that had made her leave three years ago. Did she ever regret it? I gently placed Annie down and left. This time, I made up my mind not to return. I did not care why she left. She was happy. She had her child. And I was the one wasting away.

It was already 7 p.m. when I took my bike and headed to the club.

"Get me the hottest ladies today," I told Lison. I did not need to see his eyes light up. He had done everything he could to make sure I had women in my bed, even though it had only been one woman in my mind for the past three years. He knew about Rose.

As he was about to walk out of my office at the club, I stopped him.

"Rose is back."

I swallowed.

"I want to forget about her. She has a daughter. She's married now."

My voice cracked. Lison was my best friend. Apart from Rose, he was the only person I had ever been close to. Well, now he was the only one. No more Rose. I said it to myself like I could make myself believe it.

Lison did not ask any questions, and I was grateful. I did not want to talk about it. I was more pissed at myself. I thought every part of me had agreed to never have anything to do with her again, and now she was the reason I was wasting away. The thought made me laugh, a hollow sound caught in my throat.

The door opened, and two ladies walked in. They were sexy, and painfully, I felt nothing.

"Make me forget someone, and I'll give you all that."

I pointed at the bundle of cash on the table. They smiled and pushed me down until my butt hit the soft couch, then sat on my lap, one on each side. They poured alcohol into a glass for me, and one lifted it to my mouth, her fingers finding their way to my shirt as she began unbuttoning it. I gulped down the gin, and it burned my chest. I liked the feeling.

The other woman pressed her lips against mine, and I pushed her away.

"More gin."

They obeyed. Who would not? I gulped down more. For anyone else, it would have been enough to get drunk, but not me. It continued for maybe five minutes, and I did not know if they were doing a terrible job or if it was because she was still on my mind. Her face. Her lips. Her smile. She had to explain what happened.

I shot to my feet.

"Leave. Take it and leave."

I pointed at the bundle of cash, and they took it and hurried out. I could see the hunger in their eyes. Obviously, they wanted me. Every girl around here wanted me except her.

I grabbed the bottle of gin and gulped it down in one go, then I smashed the bottle against the wall and hurried out. I met Lison at the door. Obviously, he was coming to see what had happened after I sent the girls away. I waved a hand and hurried out of the clubhouse.

I drove to the hospital, but they told me she had already left.

"How?"

I growled. She had not even fully recovered. My head was falling apart, and I hissed and ran a hand through my hair. I did not know where else to go, so I went to the only place I could think of—her late parents' house. My heart was beating so fast. What if she had left again? What if she disappeared and never came back?

I found her there.

"Why did you leave, Rose?"

I was almost screaming.

"It's complicated... I—"

I did not let her finish. My lips locked onto hers. Oh God. I missed this.

What have you done to me, Rose Asher?