Twenty One

Rei’s POV

It’s been a week now. She hasn’t been coming to work. Even her best friend, Kesha, had no idea where she was. I know she’s a grown woman, but I can’t stop worrying. What if something bad happened to her? Or maybe she’s sick? Or… something worse?

And until now, I still feel strange about what happened back in Tagaytay. I keep blaming myself. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I understand what my feelings for her really are? Why… why don’t I know?

When I feel at ease just being near her.

When my mood shifts because of her, it is a good kind of shift.

When I worry too much about her.

When I want to see her face.

When I want to kiss her so badly.

When I hate seeing her with another man.

When… my heart beats so damn fast because of her.

These feelings are new to me. I’ve never felt anything like this before. I’ve never experienced something like this, and it’s confusing the hell out of me.

If only I could name these feelings, then maybe Gabby wouldn’t be MIA right now. I’d still be courting her, and maybe… she’d finally say yes to being my girl.

Damn. It makes me smile just thinking that she’ll be mine. I never had sex with other girls because all I could think now was her. She’s the only one I want and it's frustrating that I couldn’t have her.

Just because I couldn’t answer a simple question.

“Damn! Damn it!” I muttered under my breath and groaned, ruffling my hair in frustration. Without thinking, I grabbed my keys and drove straight to my brother’s place.

**

I was standing outside Gin’s condo. The door opened.

“Oh, it’s you,” Gin said casually before walking back inside. I followed him in.

Why did I even come here? What am I supposed to say?

I sat on his couch while he went to the kitchen. When he came back, he was carrying a whole case of beer. I frowned.

“I thought you stopped drinking?” I asked, surprised. As far as I knew, he didn’t drink—though he did smoke.

“Yeah. I’ve been practicing for a week,” he said with a grin.

“Practicing? For what?” I slumped down on his couch.

“For this day.” He smirked. “The day you’d get rejected!” Then he laughed so hard.

Damn it.

“I wasn’t rejected,” I said with a frown, grabbing one of the beers and popping it open.

“Ohh… almost rejected, then?” Gin teased, chuckling when I glared at him.

“Cut it out, Gin. I’m not in the mood,” I muttered, taking a long gulp, finishing the drink and opened another can. I noticed he wasn’t even drinking. “Why aren’t you drinking?”

He stopped watching me and shook his head, then finally grabbed a can and opened it.

“Gin…”

“Hmm?”

“Why did you court Shaira?”

There. That’s the real reason I came here. To clear my head. To find answers. To take some of this weight off my chest—because honestly, it feels like I’m about to explode.

I know my brother and I were different but I need insights into the reasons why other people do the things I tried.

“Why do you keep bringing her up in our conversation, man?” Gin grabbed his neck, his tone irritated. Tch. As always, his mood instantly shifts whenever we talk about his ex.

“Why wouldn’t I?” I shot back. “Is there anyone else you’ve courted besides her?”

What I knew was that he only courted Shaira, because like me… Gin was a bit of a Playboy, too. Well… good looks run in the family and he kind of grew out of that habit.

When he fell silent and didn’t respond, I smiled. “See what I mean?” I said. He glared at me. “So why did you court her?” I pressed. Am I being annoying? I don’t care, I know I’m desperate right now.

He looked away. “Of course, I wanted her to be my girlfriend.”

That’s the same thing I said when Gabby asked me that!

“Why did you want her to be your girlfriend?”

He rested his chin on his hand. “I want her to be mine.”

Oh wow! We really are the same! There’s no denying now that he is my brother. I guess, its in our DNA, huh?

“Why did you want her to be yours?”

I probably looked like a kid asking endless questions. But there’s nothing wrong with that. I wanted answers. I might not get them from my brother, but maybe they could give me a clue. A clue about what I’m feeling.

“Because…” he stopped mid-sentence. “I love her.”

I froze. I didn’t expect that… Love? Is that really love? Is this what I’m feeling, too? I tried to understand my own emotions.

I’m not sure. I’ve never been in love. I don’t even know what love feels like so there’s nothing to compare these emotions.

“How does it feel?”

Is it really love I feel? Do I love her? Do I love Gabby? Does wanting her so much, wanting to claim her, mean I love her?

“How does what feel?”

“That love.” I sighed. “How did you know that you loved her?”

“Hmm… Oh, yeah! You’ve never fallen in love. Well… how should I put it?” He thought for a moment. “I think it’s when I see how she’s different from other girls.”

I think Gabby is different from the girls I usually go out with. She’s carefree, independent, and not clingy. But the one that made her stand above everyone else was the way I react whenever she’s around. I always thought I’m in a great mood ever since I handled the company but when she’s not around, my mood sours.

“When I think she’s so beautiful, even though there are a lot of girls who are prettier.”

I always saw her as the most beautiful goddess. It's not about the looks, it's her overall personality and looks and brains. Fuck, she’s even so good at photography that her talent turns me on. And I’ve been with artists before, but I’ve never felt like this.

“Whenever I’m with her… I lose control in different ways.”

I always lose my control when I’m with her. Anger, lust, and my happiness don’t even have a limit when she’s around.

“When I don’t want her going out with other guys.”

Yeah! I felt that one too when I saw her with that model!

“When I’m with her, I feel happy and… contented? I think that’s how I'll define it.”

I feel this overwhelming happiness when I’m with Gabby. And contented to the point that I never look forward to what may come tomorrow.

“And I don’t want her… out of my sight. That feeling like I’m breathing through a straw, if she's not with me. The days goes bland and life just ceases its flavor.”

I… never felt that yet. Damn, this is confusing. She sure brings flavor to my life but I haven’t felt like I’d die if she wasn’t around. Though I’d die from worry, is that the same thing?

A long groan escaped my throat, tugging at my hair again in frustration.

What am I supposed to do? There’s a high chance I really love her.

This is giving me a headache. Is this really how it feels? I’m not sure, but I can feel it. She’s different. But can I handle it? Can I tell her that… I love her?

Imagination

“Gabby… I love you so much. I love you.”

“Rei… I’m sorry. I don’t love you.”

The image crumbles

End of imagination

What if that happens? What if she doesn’t love me? I’ve never been rejected in my whole existence. What do I do?

Okay, I won’t tell her… not yet. But one thing’s clear to me. I think I love Gabby. The way I feel this “something”… is not just something. It’s love. Close to it, heading to it. I guess.

Or maybe I already do love her?

Wow, it’s so freaking crazy to fall in love. Dammit! This isn’t cool anymore.

My phone suddenly rang. I picked it up.

“Kesha?” I answered.

Yeah. It was Kesha. I told her back at the office that if she saw Gabby, she should tell me where she was. My alibi? We had “work stuff” to discuss. She panicked a bit because she thought I was going to scold Gabby. Or worse, fire her.

I listened as she told me where I could find Gabby. My back straightened. The news that she’s been found lift a huge weight off my shoulders.

“Really? Okay. Thanks.” Then I hung up.

“Who’s that?” asked Gin.

“A friend. Ah, thanks for everything, brother. I have to go now. There’s somewhere I need to go.”

Gin smiled. “Okay. What a waste. I bought beer and started drinking and you’re bailing.”

“I’ll be back one of these days,” I said, standing up. I must talk to Gabby first and clear this air between us. “Oh… by the way. Do you know where’s the Fort condominium?”

“Huh? That’s just the building next door. Why?” he pointed his thumb on his back.

“The building next door?” Am I really that close to Gabby? What a small world! I said goodbye to Gin and left in a hurry.

I ran for the elevator, jabbing the button like it might open faster if I begged it to. Damn it—it was taking forever. With a curse, I spun on my heel and bolted for the fire exit instead. Fifteenth floor. I groaned.

But none of that mattered. I had to see her. It’d been a week since the last time, and that image of her—her face, that look in her eyes—was still carved into my mind. I wanted to see her smile again. That smile that made my chest tighten and the world slow down. I loved her. God help me, I did.

But I couldn’t tell her. Not yet. Not until I knew she felt something too. I needed her. Needed her to love me back, the way I already loved her.

By the time I reached her floor, I was breathless, my chest burning, my legs shaking—but it wasn’t from the climb. My heart was hammering because I knew she was just behind that door.

And then it opened.

There she was.

Every thought, every ounce of exhaustion, vanished the second I saw her. God, I’d missed her. She looked surprised—sweetly, beautifully surprised—and it almost made me laugh.

Then she spoke my name, barely above a whisper.

“Rei…”

Just hearing it sent chills down my spine. My name never sounded that good until it came from her lips.

I smiled—couldn’t help it.

“Can I… uh… come in?”