Chapter 5

Amanda Pov

Two more years passed and I am extremely weak as he decided to stay with her. I have a feeling she is lying to him but I just gave up caring now. I am at the last stage and to me that is the way out of this. I am gonna kill myself to be free. I already wrote letters years ago and I'm surprised I held on for two more years like I did but I did I sit most days staring out the window from my window seat.

Mason visits but I don't speak to him or acknowledge his existence anymore. I sit staring as he talks but I can't register what he is saying. I just go into my mind to escape.

"Mandy did you hear me? ",he said standing up and walking closer to me. I don't acknowledge him one bit. Most days when he shows up I don't even look his direction. The doctor is an everyday visitor to give me nourishment through intravenous methods cause I barely keep food down. I'm thinner then I ever been my whole life.

"huh? ",I said watching kids play. He stands right beside me and talks again but I still can't hear what he is saying. I just stare at the kids running around and laughing. I been here for years and I don't know if I can do it any longer. I am at the end of my rope and all I want to do is let go. He growls and snaps.

"fucking listen to me Mandy I am talking to you",he growls pulling me to my feet. I still look right through him even as he shakes me, my attention is past him.

I stare at him in confusion as he talks again. I can feel Jasmine whimpering but she doesn't talk to me. She is weak like me and I can already feel I am losing her. He sighs and drags me to my room. After putting me to bed he leaves. He leaves to go back to his whore.

I lay there exhausted and sniffling. It hurts all the time now and all the fight I had years ago just left me. I don't care anymore and I just want out. As I lay there a maid comes in and asks me what I want to eat. I just shrug as she leaves to make whatever. I get up and go sit to eat but all I end up doing is pushing the food around on my plate. I take a few bites but I don't finish it. I head to my wonderful window seat and watch as the darkness descends across the land outside.

I love watching the day end and it shift to night.

I barely hear the pack doctor or Mason as they come in. I sit staring as they talk about me and my behavior. The doctor says some stuff and I can feel Jasmine weaken more in me. The pain from all the years of being here are catching up to me and I know I have just reached the point of no return. I reached the end and it doesn't matter anymore.

Once I am alone I will write more to my goodbyes and give in to my last stage of grief. Death is the last stage for me and I feel there is nothing left for me to do now. I send my mom a long email and send Beth a good luck in her future. Unlike me she is happy and loved. She won't see these till after I'm gone. I hope she continues to be happy and thrive.

After eating my last meal which I only ate a couple bites I shower and head to my room I lay out all my letters and go to the bathroom. I break the mirror and grab the sharpest and biggest piece. I look it over knowing once I start cutting this is it. There will be no going back.

You ready Jasmine I ask waiting for her to say.

Yes Mandy I've been ready for two years but I held on for you. Lets go somewhere better she says smiling softly at me

Yeah somewhere better I say looking at the glass.

I sit on the floor and cut my wrist. I barely feel the pain as the blood runs out and trails across the floor. I watch fascinated as my life drains with the blood. The blood coats the floor and Jasmine sighs sadly. It was good knowing you Mandy I love you she murmurs.

I love you more Jasmine see you soon I say knowing we may not see each other ever again.

Goodbye cruel world I think as my eyes drift shut and my heart starts to slow. I give into darkness with a soft sigh. I don't hear or see the doctor come on or hear his frantic screams at me to wake up. He slaps my face but I don't flinch or move.

"Amanda wake the fuck up now",the doctor cries out.

He scoops me up smearing blood everywhere and all over himself. He starts running mind linking the nurses to prep the operating room. There is a blood trail following us as we pass shocked pack members. Samantha is crying as she follows and begs to help. I'm sure everyone saw but I'm not here to see or hear them. It is dark as fuck where I'm at.

My wolf flops beside me and sighs so we are in the darkness she says. Yes it appears so but it is peaceful right. I don't hurt now, do you?

She chuckles no I don't hurt anymore but I think we hurt others. I heard that Samantha chick crying she says watching me. I didn't want to hurt anyone Jasmine I just wanted to be free I say sighing. I know girl I wanted to be free with you.

Well we are free now she said hugging me. Yeah I say wrapping my arms around her to. Yeah we are free now and I feel no pain.

Finally no pain.