LOGINAfter I suffer from a miscarriage, Jude Dixon, my psychiatrist husband, hypnotizes me and seals my memories so that he can take his depressed patient, Maddie Pittman, on a vacation. For the next three months, Jude and our son, Oliver Dixon, keep Maddie company as they travel around together. Once they are finally done with the vacation, Jude decides to unseal my memories. Once again, I become a mother and a wife. But now, I no longer deal with the household affairs, nor do I nag their ears off. At first, Jude and Oliver think that I'm just trying to attract their attention out of spite by playing hard to get. They don't really care about my change in behavior at all. That is, until they see my post on a forum. "Help! What should I do when my memories are back, but my feelings aren't? Heck, I can't even relate to the past me! Right now, I feel super nervous and awkward whenever I'm in the same room as my husband and son! What should I do? Please help me!"
View MoreJude made several attempts to bring me to the hospital after that, but I refused every time. Slowly, I grew increasingly fed up with his persistence and pressed him more frequently about finalizing our divorce."Please don't bring it up again, Serena. I won't agree to a divorce, and I don't want a divorce either. I know that I messed up, and I'll make it up to you, so we're not divorcing.""What's the point of clinging on, Jude? As a psychiatrist, you know I need to stay away from the source of my trauma, which means distancing myself from you. So, why won't you let me go?"Jude's eyes were bloodshot from overwhelming emotions. As a man who once obsessed over cleanliness, he had even forgotten to shave.He grabbed my wrist and refused to let go. "That's not it. I never meant to hurt you, and I-I just… Just don't leave me…"I shook him off. "We've been together for years, so let this be the last thing you do for me—let me go."With that, I packed up my bags and moved out.A mo
"Mom?"Oliver's voice came through the glass. When I looked out, he was standing outside with slightly reddened eyes.I called him in and asked, "What are you doing here?"Pressing his lips together, he clutched the hem of his shirt and occasionally sneaked glances at Isabel. "I wanted to buy you something delicious after school."I was stunned. He had never done anything like that before or given me a gift, so it seemed the divorce talk had truly frightened him."Thank you. Let me take you home."I had thought about letting Oliver eat with us, but when I remembered his long list of allergies, I decided against it and took him back. We waved goodbye to Isabel. In the setting sun, our shadows stretched long across the ground.I wanted to tell Oliver not to overthink, but I wasn't sure how I should start.He kept his head lowered. After a long while, he carefully asked, "Mom, can you hold my hand? You used to always hold my hand."Only then did I notice he had been clutching t
"No!" The sharp cry of rejection came from Oliver, who grabbed my hand. "Mom, please! Don't divorce Dad or stop loving me!"I'll do whatever you say and behave. Just don't leave me behind."Jude's reaction was just as violent. "Divorce is off the table. I won't agree to it," he snapped. "You're just experiencing a temporary memory loss. Once we get you to the hospital and start the right treatment, everything will go back to the way it was.""Please go to the hospital, Mom. Everything will be okay then," Oliver pleaded through his tears.I decided that I would do it just this once.Jude took me to the hospital for a full series of tests and ended up with one conclusion—my condition came from a psychological issue. It was a post-traumatic stress disorder, or specifically, a textbook case of dissociative avoidance.Rather than treatment, the patient was recommended to be distanced from sources of the trauma.Jude argued loudly with his colleagues in his office and discarded hi
Jude set the phone down and sat in the study all night. The words, combined with my recent behavior, led to an obvious conclusion. I didn't love him anymore, so that was why I had become completely indifferent toward him. It wasn't sulking, anger, or acting out.From the very bottom of my heart, I simply didn't care and couldn't feel anything at all. It didn't matter to me that he spent time with Maddie, and I didn't even care if Maddie walked into his bathroom because I didn't love him anymore.The realization hit Jude like a physical blow to the heart. Beads of sweat broke out on his forehead, and he pressed a hand over his chest, barely daring to draw a breath.How was it possible? We had been together for years.He had just grown a little impatient lately. He felt I embarrassed him, so he couldn't help wanting to escape just for three months…Three months… He'd left me in the hospital for three months, after I miscarried and lost my memory…Jude belatedly began to tremble.
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