Chapter 2

Caleb-

It was strange being back. It was almost like nothing has changed, except for me. Listening to Hunter talk about his plans for the pack, I wondered how much has actually changed. The way he talked, was that there hasn’t been a lot of changes around here.

He was still in charge, Nick was still the Beta and everything I have seen as we walked to the packhouse looked basically the same. How was it possible that everything has been kept relatively the same? It was like time hasn’t touched the pack.

I have done some traveling and many things have changed over the years. People now drove around in floating vehicles that were technology-controlled. In fact, almost everything was controlled by technology, except everything here seemed to be updated, but mostly the same.

I was glad they didn’t convert to technology-based upgrades though. There had been a lot of instances around the world where hackers have taken control of people’s homes and vehicles. The last thing anyone of our kind needed was some snot-nosed teenager getting their hands on something here and learning the truth.

“Why change the name of the pack? Wasn’t your great grandfather the one that named the pack?” I asked, trying hard to keep myself from slipping off the edge.

Since arriving, I felt a bit better, but something was still eating at me. I still didn’t have any answers or ideas of what was in me that was making me feel the way I did. It was like I had a blood lust deep within me that was trying to claw its way out and destroy everything in my path.

“Because it is time we made a name for ourselves other than Night Blaze.”

“Night Blaze does mean something though. It always has. It is feared and respected by many packs across the world. It holds value. In all of the places I have come across, I still heard whispers of Night Blaze by others. Why change something that isn’t broken?”

“I just think it is time for a change.”

“Well, then let's talk about your options. What other names were you thinking of? Maybe after you tossed around a few ideas, you will see the reason you are struggling so much to find a new name for the pack. Because the name still means something.”

“I was thinking of Enchanted Moon, White Eclipse, Blessed Moon, and Emerald Fang.”

“Okay, the names aren’t bad, but don’t they sound a bit cliché? I see you are trying to name the pack after Kyra though. It is a thoughtful gesture, but are you doing this for her or for yourself?”

“It was my idea. I just don’t think our current name works anymore.”

“It does though, don’t you get it? Of all the packs out there, Night Blaze is unique. It isn’t a cliché and it is a strong and powerful name.”

Hunter looked down at the paper in front of him. He was silent for longer than I liked. When the silence settled in, my thoughts went dark. How easy would it be to jump over the desk and tear into his throat? Would I even care if I was the one to end his life?

“You may be right.” Hunter finally spoke.

Just like that, I was snapped out of the trance I was in as I imagined what it would be like to be bathed in Hunter’s blood. This wasn’t me. Of course, I would care if Hunter died. Had I returned too soon? Clearly, I wasn’t any better than the day that I left, in fact, I was worse.

Trying to push away the dark thoughts, I focused on the topic at hand. It seemed to help a bit with something to keep my mind occupied. Much better than letting my mind wander.

“No shit. Are you trying to find a name to honor Kyra with?”

“In a way yes.”

“Well don’t. Unless she is asking you to, don’t try to name a pack after her. She is unique all on her own. Don’t try to brand her with a pack name. Some day she will take over as the Moon Goddess, do you really think it is a wise idea to tie her to a well-known pack? You know just as well as I do, Selene doesn’t have the best reputation. Retribution will fall on the pack if people learn of her connection to it.”

I was honestly surprised I was actually trying to reason with Hunter. For years I have struggled to keep myself sane and hold onto my humanity, yet here I was being the voice of reason to Hunter. I wouldn’t stop him from changing the name, it was his call to make.

“This is why I missed having you around. Okay not entirely, but you were always a damn good Beta. Hell, at times I think you would even make a better Alpha than me.” Hunter laughed and leaned back in his chair.

I didn’t respond to that, I didn’t know how to. If I was any good, I never would have left in the first place. If I was capable of making a good Alpha, I wouldn’t have abandoned my pack as I did. He was wrong about me. So very wrong.

“Tell me what is really going on Caleb. Why are you really back?”

I couldn’t tell him the truth, since I wasn’t entirely sure myself. How was I going to explain that my second chance mate was always Kyra or that she was going to need me, though I didn’t know why? How was I going to explain that I have been lying to everyone for nearly two centuries?

There was no easy way to say any of that, when the answers he was looking for, I didn’t know myself. If he knew the truth, there was no way he would let me stay. My actions were not only a betrayal to him and the pack, but also to Kyra. He wouldn’t forgive me, this I was certain. Even I didn’t think I could forgive myself.

There was no denying that I made a mistake leaving. Though I also knew my returning maybe another mistake. I was just inches from falling off the edge of my sanity and everyone around me could be hurt. Nothing I have done to stop it has worked, I was simply a lost cause.

If I would have let Selene dissolve the mate bond, I could have prevented things from getting this far. Even now I still couldn’t bring myself to want to end the bond between us. Even if she didn’t feel it, I did, and just knowing that she was destined for me, meant something to me. I may never have her, but knowing that she was meant to be mine, made me feel like my life was worth more.

I really was okay with not having her as my mate. Hunter was a better man and deserved happiness. I, on the other hand, deserved to suffer. My entire life I have carried a darkness within me that I couldn’t explain. Now it was worse and I was afraid that one day I would hurt those I cared about, far worse than I already have.

It was like there was a living breathing monster inside of me that was fighting to break free. So far I have kept it at bay, but for how long? When would it win out and take control? The worse part of it all was that I felt like it wasn’t something else, it was me.

“I don’t know. I just knew it was time for me to return.”

I gave him the best answer I could, without actually lying to him.

“What about your mate?”

“She is gone.”

Wasn’t exactly a lie. Technically Kyra was gone. Only, she wasn’t actually my mate. Whatever Hunter decided to take off my statement was on him. Okay, technically it was on me, but the truth would hurt him more than the lie. What he doesn’t know, won't hurt him.

“Damn, I wish I knew what to say. That had to be rough. How long ago did you lose her?”

“Long before I ever really had her.”

He looked at me as if trying to piece together a puzzle. The last time we talked, I had told him I was happy and living my best life with my mate. For years I have held that lie without blinking. Now sitting here with him, I couldn’t carry on with the lie.

Nor could I reveal to him the truth. If he kept pushing, I couldn’t be held responsible for my actions. I was on edge and I wished he would just drop it. Eventually, I may have to give the truth, but that time is not now, perhaps even never. One thing was for sure. I needed to figure out a way to get control over myself.

“We got trouble at the border!” A man I have never seen before rushed into the office.

I was the first to jump up, though Hunter stopped me. Before I could understand what he was doing, he came towards me, slicing the palm of his hand. Instantly, I understood what he was doing and followed his lead, and sliced open my palm.

We both slapped our hands together and after a few choice words, I was once again a member of the pack. I felt the pack link snap back into place. That familiar feeling of being a part of a pack returned a missing piece of my soul to me. I wasn't any better, but I felt a little more like my old self.