Chapter Five: The Wrong Touch

"Fuck you!" I cursed at him and stormed out of the kitchen. I looked back for a moment to see that he was unaffected and did not care. I wished he would follow me up the stairs and offer some sort of apology for his actions.

He didn't even respond to my cursing, but I didn't expect him to. I just needed to get out of there, to find a place where I could process my emotions without his toxic presence.

When I got to Leslie 's room, I slammed the door shut and sank onto the bed, wiping my tears away furiously. I felt stupid and like I'd been punched in the gut. Glen's words cut deep, and I couldn't believe he'd speak to me like that, especially after our night in the bathroom.

What I had expected was for him to show me affection behind everyone's back and then in the presence of everyone act neutral.

What hurt the most was that I had no one to talk to about any of this. Sure, I could talk to Leslie and my roommate Lovina about my mother's death, and Lovina already knew about Marcus's betrayal but I could not dare talk about my complicated feelings for Glen.

He was my best friend's stepfather for fucks sake! No one was going to ever validate my feelings.

At first, I had thought it was just because I was horny and had just gotten betrayed by Marcus that's why I had done such despicable things with him, but now it felt more than that. I enjoyed it and wanted more of him. I wanted to have him and to hold him which made me feel so selfish.

Could it be that my emotions had gotten the better of me and I just needed to get over my mom's death?

How was I even going to get over something that I did not even know how to feel about? My mom had not been the best mother and she prioritized herself over me. Several times, she never failed to remind me that I was a burden to her. I was the reason she could not have lived the best life out there and growing up, I wished I had never ever been born.

I often wondered why my mother did not abort me when she discovered she was pregnant at nineteen. I could not entirely blame her though; she had been assaulted and it led to her pregnancy. I understood that the fact I looked a lot like my father often made her loathe me, however, I could not deny that she had tried her best as a mother. I had attended a private school because she felt public schools were unsafe due to her past.

I picked up my phone and stared at my contacts. My finger hovered over my roommate's number for more than four hours and wondered if she would understand me without judgment. Just as I made a move to call her, a call came in from her.

"Hey Addison , how are you?" She said when I picked up the call.

"Hi," I sniffed. "Everything other than good."

"Why? What's up?" She asked. "Are you still thinking about that scumbag named Marcus?"

"I wish," I replied. "My mom's dead."

"Oh my," Lovinagasped. "I'm so sorry, love. When did this happen?"

"Today," I replied, wiping my tears away. "I don't even know if that bothers me or not."

"I'm sorry love, how can I make you feel better."

"I kind of wanted to talk to you about something," I mumbled, playing with my fingers. My heart was beating against my chest so fast. "Promise you won't judge me."

"You know I always judge people's love," Lovinasaid. "But hey, I'm all ears."

"It's like a really huge secret. You can't tell anyone, please."

"I promise, I won't," she said. "How bad is this? Did you kill someone?"

"No, no I—" I took a deep breath, not sure whether I was ready to reveal such a huge secret even though I kind of wanted that burden to be lifted from me. "I had a sexual experience with the wrong person."

"Oh? How bad can it be? And it shouldn't matter. Marcus cheated on you, so you guys are as good as done. That's not cheating."

"It is," I mumbled. "I haven't officially broken up with him but that's not the real problem here."

"Um, okay?"

"So you know my best friend right?"

"Yeah, Leslie ," Lovina snorted. "I kinda liked her back then but she never seemed to like me."

"Well, I betrayed her."

"Don't tell me you slept with her boyfriend," Lovina groaned. "Cause I'd judge you for that one. Except if it was a drunken mistake but I know for a fact that you never get drunk."

"Never mind," I mumbled. "It's worse than that."

"Hey, I'm kidding. I'm not judging you," Lovina said. I could picture her pout from where I lay down. "And what could be worse than that?"

"So Leslie 's mom met this new guy and they are getting married."

"Oh, good for her I guess," Lovinaresponded, missing the point.

"So I went over to her house last night and I met this really young guy, like thirty four maybe, but he looks way younger."

"Okay?" She prodded.

"There was a bit of sexual tension when we met. He kind of made me feel good by touching my lips and then I found out later on that he was Leslie 's stepdad."

"Hey, don't be so hard on yourself," Lovinacooed. "You didn't know who he was and I'm sure he was the one who made the move. Men are horny assholes that can't be trusted."

"Yeah," I drawled. "And that's the problem. I was in the bathroom last night tryna sort myself and shit and he walked."

"Well fuck."

"And he started touching me. He made me feel so good and I couldn't even say no and I—"

"Oh, my fucken gosh Addison!"