Chapter 8

Rick

I do not know what is wrong with her.

Laura has been weird for weeks. Distant. Quiet. Like her head is somewhere else even when she is sitting right next to me.

I asked her if she was okay. She said she was fine. Girls always say they are fine when they are not fine. I have learned that much.

Today she is coming over again. She has been coming over a lot lately. That is good. I guess. More time together. That is what girlfriends are supposed to want.

I am in the living room waiting for her. Dad is in his study. He has been weird too. More quiet than usual. He does not come out much anymore. Just stays in there with his papers and his whiskey and his silence.

I do not ask him what is wrong. He would not tell me anyway. That is not how we work.

Laura texts me. "here"

I get up. Open the door.

She is standing there. Jeans. A sweater. Hair down. She looks good. She always looks good.

"Hey," I say.

"Hey."

I kiss her cheek. She does not kiss me back. That is fine. She is not always in the mood.

She walks past me into the house. Looks toward the study. Just a glance. Quick.

"Your dad home?"

"Yeah. He is always home."

She nods. Says nothing else.

We sit on the couch. I put my arm around her. She leans into me. That is good. That is normal.

I turn on the TV. Some game. I am not really watching. I am thinking about school. About a party this weekend. About whether I should buy that new jacket I saw online.

Laura is quiet. That is normal too. She is not a big talker. Never has been.

But something feels off.

I look at her. She is staring at the hallway. The one that leads to Dad's study.

"You okay?"

She blinks. Looks at me. "Yeah. Fine. Just tired."

"You are always tired."

"I do not sleep well."

I do not ask why. I do not think to ask why.

---

Dad comes out at some point. I do not hear him. I just look up and he is there. Standing by the doorway. Looking at us.

His eyes go to Laura first. Then me.

"Rick."

"Hey Dad."

"Laura."

"Hi Mr. Hales."

He nods. Then he walks to the kitchen. Does not say anything else.

Laura watches him go. I watch her watch him.

"You are staring," I say.

"What?"

"At my dad. You are staring."

She looks away. "I was not staring."

"You were."

"I was looking. There is a difference."

I do not know what that means. I do not ask.

---

Dad comes back with a glass of water. Sits in the chair across from us. The one he always sits in.

He looks at the TV. Does not say anything.

Laura is looking at her hands.

I am in the middle of them. My girlfriend on one side. My dad on the other. Both of them quiet. Both of them weird.

"I am going to get food," I say. "Anyone want anything."

"No," Dad says.

"I will come with you," Laura says.

"No," I say. "Stay. I will be back in twenty."

She looks at Dad. Then at me. "Okay."

I grab my keys. Walk out.

The air is cold. The sun is going down. I get in my car and drive to the burger place and I do not think about anything.

That is my gift. I do not think about things.

---

When I come back, Laura is on the couch. Dad is in his chair. Nothing has changed. Same positions. Same silence.

I hand Laura her food. She says thanks. She does not eat much.

Dad gets up. "I have work."

"It is seven o'clock," I say.

"I have work."

He walks to his study. Closes the door.

Laura stares at the door.

"Seriously," I say. "What is with you and staring today."

"Nothing."

"You keep looking at him."

"He is your dad. I am looking at your dad. That is not weird."

I guess not. I do not know. I have never thought about it.

I eat my burger. She picks at her fries.

"Are you happy?" she asks.

I stop chewing. "What."

"Are you happy. With us."

That is a weird question. Girls ask weird questions.

"Yeah. I am happy. Are you happy."

She looks at me for a long second. "I do not know."

"What does that mean."

"It means I do not know."

I put my burger down. "Laura. If something is wrong, just tell me."

"Nothing is wrong."

"Something is clearly wrong."

She stands up. "I have to go."

"Now?"

"Yes."

"Did I do something?"

"No."

"Then why are you leaving."

She grabs her bag. Does not look at me. "I just need air. I will text you later."

She walks to the door. Opens it. Leaves.

I sit there. My burger is half eaten. My girlfriend just left for no reason.

I do not know what I did wrong.

I never know.

---

I knock on Dad's study door.

"Come in."

He is at his desk. Papers everywhere. He looks up.

"Laura left," I say.

"I heard."

"Did something happen between you two."

He freezes. Just for a second. Then his face goes back to normal.

"What do you mean."

"I do not know. She has been weird lately. You have been weird lately. I am just asking."

Dad leans back in his chair. Looks at me. His eyes are hard to read.

"Nothing happened between us, Rick."

"Then why is she acting like this."

"I do not know. Maybe you should ask her."

"I did. She said nothing is wrong."

"Then believe her."

I run my hand through my hair. Frustrated. "I do not know how to do this."

"Do what."

"Be a boyfriend. Make her happy. I feel like I am failing and I do not even know why."

Dad looks at me for a long time. His face softens. Just a little.

"Rick. You are not failing. Sometimes people grow apart. It does not mean someone did something wrong."

"You think we are growing apart."

"I think you are eighteen. She is seventeen. You are both figuring out who you are. That is normal."

I sit down in the chair across from him. The one Laura sat in earlier.

"I do not want to lose her."

Dad does not say anything.

"She is the only girl I have ever really liked. Like really liked. The others were just for fun. But Laura. She is different."

Dad's jaw tightens. "I know."

"How do you know."

"I can see it. The way you look at her."

I nod. That makes sense.

"Dad. Can I ask you something."

"Okay."

"Were you ever in love. Like really in love. With Mom or someone else."

He is quiet for a long time. I think he is not going to answer.

"Yes," he says finally. "Once."

"What happened."

"She left."

"Why."

He looks at me. His eyes are dark. Sad.

"Because I was not the man she needed me to be."

I do not know what that means. I do not ask.

---

The next day, Laura comes over again.

She is different today. Softer. She leans into me more. Laughs at my jokes. Touches my arm.

I feel better. Maybe yesterday was nothing. Maybe I was overthinking.

Dad is out. Something about a meeting. The house is just us.

Laura is sitting on my lap. Her arms around my neck. She is looking at me.

"Rick."

"Yeah."

"Do you trust me."

"Of course."

She kisses me. Not a habit kiss. A real one. Her lips are soft. Her tongue touches mine.

I am surprised. She does not usually kiss me like this.

I kiss her back. My hands on her waist.

She pulls away. Looks at me.

"I am not going anywhere," she says.

"Good."

"I mean it. I know I have been weird. I am sorry. I am just dealing with stuff."

"What stuff."

She shakes her head. "Nothing you need to worry about. Just girl stuff."

I do not ask. I do not want to know about girl stuff.

She kisses me again. Deeper this time. Her hips move against me.

"Laura."

"What."

"We are alone."

"I know."

"My dad is not coming back for hours."

"I know."

She kisses my neck. My jaw. My ear.

I have never seen her like this. Needy. Hungry.

"Are you sure," I ask.

"Yes."

We go to my room.

---

It is fine. It is always fine with Laura. But something is different today.

She closes her eyes the whole time. She does not look at me.

I ask her if she is okay. She says yes.

But her body feels far away. Like she is somewhere else. Like she is with someone else.

I do not say that. I sound crazy.

Afterwards, she lies next to me. Her back is turned. She is looking at the wall.

"Laura."

"Yeah."

"That was good."

"Yeah."

"You do not sound like it was good."

She turns over. Looks at me. Her eyes are wet.

"What is wrong."

"Nothing."

"You are crying."

"I am not crying."

"There are tears on your face, Laura."

She wipes her eyes. Sits up. "I am just emotional. It happens sometimes after. You would not understand."

She is right. I do not understand.

She gets dressed. I watch her.

"I have to go," she says.

"Again."

"I have homework."

"It is Saturday."

"I have a lot of homework."

She kisses my forehead. Quick. Dry. The habit kiss. The one I usually give her.

Then she is gone.

I lie in my bed. The sheets smell like her. My body feels good. My head feels wrong.

Something is off. I do not know what. I do not know how to figure it out.

I pull out my phone. Text her.

"you okay?"

"fine. just tired."

"you are always tired."

"i know. talk tomorrow."

"okay. night."

"night."

I stare at the screen.

That is when I see it.

Her phone location is still on. She forgot to turn it off. We share locations. I forgot we even had that on.

She is not at home.

She is at a street I do not recognize.

I zoom in.

It is the street behind our house.

She said she was going home. But she is still here. Close. Too close.

I get up. Look out my window.

The street is dark. I do not see her.

But her dot is there. On my phone. Right there.

I watch it for ten minutes. It does not move.

Then it moves. Toward the house.

I hear the back gate open. Close.

Footsteps on the gravel.

I look out the window again.

Laura is walking through the garden. Toward the back door.

But the back door leads to Dad's study.

I watch her go inside.

My phone buzzes.

Laura: "home now. goodnight."

I look at the back door. Then at my phone.

She is not home.

She is in my house.

In my father's study.

I do not know what to think.

I do not want to know what to think.

I put my phone down.

I tell myself there is an explanation.

There is always an explanation.

But I do not ask for one.

Because I am afraid of the answer.