A Little Blip

It's been two days since I told Kane I want him to back off when it comes to my love life. I kind of thought he would give it a few hours, maybe a day, and then act like nothing happened like he always does when we fight. 

This time feels different though. He hasn't texted me or called me. He hasn't randomly showed up at my dorm or outside one of my classes. I immediately noticed him absence. 

Kane has been a constant in my life for so long now that it feels odd not seeing or hearing from him daily, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't a little bit of a relief. 

He's been a constant in my life but he's also been a fucking tornado. With Kane comes chaos and destruction. He's fun and adventurous but he's also impulsive and quick tempered. 

I saw Jordan while I was walking to my psych class. I wanted to apologize to him but he gave me a awkward smile and a head nod and kept walking; so, I took that as my cue no leave him alone. Kane is lucky he has a girlfriend because if he didn't I would be a lot more pissed. 

I rub at my temples to clear out the thoughts of Kane and Jordan so I can focus on my psychology paper. Kane has been occupying more of brain than usual lately and he's giving me a fucking headache. 

I haven't even typed a full word when Lydia bursts in the room and scares the shit out of me. I should be used to it by now but she catches me off guard sometimes. I've told her that it's perfectly ok to enter a room at a normal pace but she says she likes to make an entrance. 

"I have the best news ever" She slams the door shut then jumps up and down excitedly 

"You're entering a jump roping contest?!" I say with sarcastic enthusiasm 

She cuts her eyes at me and stops jumping. 

"No, smartass. Jordan stopped me in the cafeteria and asked me if Kane was your boyfriend. I told him no and he asked if I thought you would go out with him!!" She squeals 

I shake my head in confusion. It has been a few months since I last talked to Jordan so it's possible they broke up. I just sort of figured I would hear about it because they are one of the "it" couples of the school and it would've been all over the gossip page. 

"What did you say?" 

"I told him that he should totally ask you out. Especially now that Kane won't be a problem." 

"I honestly thought Kane had already scared him away" I definitely wouldn't be interested in someone that had a big scary bodyguard around all the time, but I guess he won't really be around all the time anymore. 

The thought makes my stomach twist a tiny bit. 

"Do you think Kane will get pissed?" 

"I don't really care. I'm a grown woman, I should be able to date and have sex and do the things you are supposed to in college." 

"Have you ever wondered why he gets so mad and protective when a guy shows interest in you? It kind of seems like he's jealous" 

She sits on the edge of her bed and I spin my chair around to face her. 

"Trust me, he's not jealous he will just any excuse to be a dick or get in a fight." 

People always want to find a deeper meaning to Kanes actions when it comes to me. 

"I dont know..." She says it like she's unsure but there's no reason to be unsure because I am one hundred percent positive. 

"I know everyone wants to believe there is some undiscovered romance between me and Kane but there really isn't." 

It seems like everyone is just waiting for either me or Kane to profess our undying love and I mean, I get it. I myself am a sucker for romances where the long time friends realize they are actually in love with each other and live happily ever after. But that just isn't the case here. 

"So, you've never, not even once, thought about Kane romantically?" 

"No, I haven't." 

It's mostly true. I had a little blip this weekend but I wouldn't say that I was thinking of him romantically. I was just a little confused is all. 

Lydia is looking at me like she's waiting me for the admit something so I turn my chair back towards my desk and go back to working on my paper. 

I don't want to talk about Kane anymore. I don't want to think about Kane anymore. I don't want to keep defending myself about not being in love with him. 

I'm pretty sure if there was something deeper between us we would have figured it out by now.

I twist the fidget ring on my middle finger that Kane got me for christmas.

Dammit. Does everything have to be a reminder of him??