Chapter 1 (i)

Fae

"Congratulations!” 

A moment passed before Carl reacted to my greeting. He turned to me, finally. But it was a second too long. I trembled as I waited. I was acutely conscious of guests watching us.

This was his wedding reception.

When I saw his familiar face—my beloved’s face—I almost burst into tears. But I couldn’t do that now. There were too many people around us—his relatives and guests who knew about us and my story. That I’d adored Carl Easton since I was ten, and declared him my crush when I was twelve.

He looked dashing in his three-piece suit, this man whom I’d dreamed of for almost half my life. There was no guilt on his face as he possessively held Sarah’s tiny waist. Sarah, his bride, was proudly wearing her white wedding dress for the occasion.

And Carl’s adoring gaze for his bride—my best friend and room mate for two years—finally closed the door between my future and my past.

I couldn’t love him anymore.

I couldn’t even say if I ever took a break from my feelings for this man who regarded me with brotherly affection while we grew up in his family’s mansion. No, he hadn’t given me any sign that he would develop more than brotherly feelings toward me. That he would see me as anything more than the girl he treated like the little sister he never had.

It was all me. Just me.

And I was used to it. I couldn’t help my feelings but it had been my life.

So now, I didn’t know how to continue my days without thinking or dreaming of him the way I’d always had.

Oh, it wasn’t on him—I knew that. I just said that.

But did he have to act as if he wished I hadn’t come to celebrate his wedding?

For all the years that we’d been friends, Carl had always been patient and tolerant of my attention. As an informal foster brother, he was nothing but polite and gentle. But now, for the first time, he couldn’t seem to wait to push me away. What has Sarah done to him for him to act like this? I cried inside my head.

“Thank you for coming, Fae,” he said quietly, his eyes carrying both pity and worry. Probably why he didn’t want me here. He didn’t want to be inconvenienced by the feelings he couldn’t avoid as he watched me hurt.

But I didn’t care about those. I could hurt because I loved him. Just because I couldn’t have what I wanted from him didn’t mean I’d stop supporting him. I could deal. I would support him no matter what. I could accept feeling this heartbreak if he was happy.

So, even though my heart was crying, opposing words came out of my mouth for him. “I’m so happy for you.” That’s the reason I came. Even if it hurt, I would still celebrate his happiness today.

“I know,” he replied, even if his eyes told a different message—that my sacrifice was difficult for him. That if it were up to him, he wouldn’t want me here.

That made things awkward.

Tense silence weighed the surrounding air bubble that the three of us occupied.

“Fae...”

I reluctantly looked at the owner of that voice. It was Sarah, my former friend, because I couldn’t honestly regard her as my friend anymore. Not for weeks now.

It was still hard for me to believe this woman was Carl’s wife now. Sarah lived with me for two years, and she listened to me speak Carl’s name every day of those two years. She knew how devoted I was to Carl.

She, and everyone here.

It wasn’t a secret that I’d adored Carl since I was twelve. My father used to bring me to every client house visit as a corporate attorney or personal solicitor. He was a single parent, a doting father. To these people who accepted us in their circle, I was the shy and quiet kid carried in my father’s arms and later, held by hand, to every meeting. Many of these wealthy people became surrogate aunties and uncles, lolos (grandfathers) and lola (grandmothers). They didn’t know Sarah until her name was dropped to them as the bride to be on the hasty wedding invitation they received for this occasion.

Sarah was acting differently now. She wasn’t timid or struggling. She’d come a long way from the distressed friend who I supported with housing and sponsorship as she worked her way through law school. The friend I took in so she wouldn’t have to do housekeeping for others.

No.

There was a threat in her eyes now. She was territorial in her stance beside her groom, and there was possessiveness in the way she slipped her hand around her husband’s arm as her eyes watched me like a hawk.

Quietly warning me—me—that she owned Carl now.

I wanted to laugh. I wasn’t a usurper, a home wrecker. She didn’t need to worry about me. I was more of an idiot and a fool than any of those two. I hadn’t seen the real Sarah. I was too trusting and dumb and she hid her true colors from me. I had been warned so many times. I knew secrets that should have giant red flags. But I was stupid.

How can you do this to me?! was my silent scream to this woman as I indirectly cheered for her, too, because this was her wedding as well. “Congratulations, Sarah,” I said, but there was bitterness in my voice. I couldn’t be as honestly happy about this as I was with Carl.

“Thanks, Fae. Please stay and have a toast with us.”

I couldn’t control the smile of mockery that slipped to my lips. What a hypocrite. I was screaming at her inside my head—You are such a fake!

But I couldn’t do it to Carl. I couldn’t trash this day for him. I was here for him—not for this bitch.

“Don’t worry. I will.”

The next pause to all the posturing was more intense. I wanted to approach Carl at a private moment, but that was impossible with the way Sarah clung to him. As if she couldn’t walk on her own and she needed him as a crutch. God… I know… I’m the odd one out here. But I only wanted to talk to Carl for the last time and leave this place and the pitying eyes to cry alone.

But Sarah wouldn’t allow that and this was the result. 

With all pairs of eyes heavy on us, Carl couldn’t hide his discomfort anymore.

They were our friends and familial ties, people who had lightly teased me about my feelings while he listened, watched, and gently tolerated. It shocked them when he announced his wedding to a woman they didn’t know, and later found out to be my bestfriend, the same day the wedding invitations arrived.

This wasn’t the only scandalous thing in the situation. None of Carl’s relatives came. They lived outside the country and the excuse was that the event was so sudden, there was no time for them to prepare.

Nonsense. It wouldn’t take a week for his grandparents to arrange a flight from London if they wanted to come. Nobody was fooled. Everybody knew the Eastons didn’t support this marriage. Sarah was an unknown slipped under the radar of his meticulous elders.

And that’s why I traveled at the last minute when I learned that not one relative would back him up. I thought, at least, as the Eastons had fostered me for a few years—when I was twelve until I turned eighteen and got control of the modest inheritance my father left me—that I was family.

But as I could see, my support was not welcome.

Well, damn. I would be loyal until the last second, I promised with a heavy heart. Even if it was the last thing I could do for him. I will stay until the last second. I stared at Sarah’s face and knew this was the only goodbye I was going to get. She had Carl wrapped around her little finger.

In the weeks since I found out they were dating, I really tried hard not to hate her.

But at that moment, as she stood there grinning like the cat that ate the canary, I felt the worst disgust I had ever felt.

All the time that we were friends, I never had a clue I was in competition until it was too late.

She was a snake.

And from now on, I would treat her like one.

As I fought her stare, Sarah wilted. Oh, she started to act like she was nervous, as if I came here with a plot to shame her in front of the guests. She knew she was the odd one out here. She was the college friend that mooched off of me in law school and got into Easton Law Firm through my recommendation—straight into Carl’s pants.

As I watched, she allowed her piteous mask to slid over her face, a beautiful, heart-shaped face with big, brown eyes. That’s how she got me. She used those big, brown eyes on me, told me she hadn’t eaten anything for two days after she fainted near my cubicle in the library. I was taken—hook, line and sinker.

“Fae, please. If you still have respect for our friendship and for Carl—”

The prickliest temper surged through me, finally snipping at the thin thread of my tolerance. “Oh, shut the fuck up. I’ll toast and drink the damn champagne for Carl,” I cut her off in an angry whisper. “Don’t worry, Sarah, I will behave—but only for him.”

As I looked at the uneasy look she shot at Carl who looked thoroughly spooked, I suddenly realized something.

Carl hadn’t known I was coming.

He didn’t expect I’d be here.

It’s because they didn’t send me an invitation.

My laugh of surprise was abrupt. Oh god, where was this clarity when I needed it the most. Now, it was too late. But It didn’t matter. I still needed it, only so this woman could not manipulate me again!

I smiled sweetly at poor Carl who was trying his best to recover and focused on Sarah instead. “Thanks for the wedding invitation, Sarah. The card is crass—bright pink? I knew you’d picked it the moment I slid it out the envelope, and because it needed a few grammar tweaks. Oh.” I daintily placed a hand to my bosom. “Or did you make a different one for me because I am not on the list of official guests? Carl’s assistant will never be caught making a grammar mistake. Kyla’s a ferocious grammar Nazi. Have you not let her check it?”

Carl’s confused question cut through the thick tension between me and his bride. “You sent her an invite?”

I didn’t feel any satisfaction when Sarah paled and choked as if she swallowed an oyster—with its shell. I was still seething at the confirmation—hurt that Carl didn’t actually wanted me to come.

It was too much. This was all just too much.

“You think marrying into money entitles you to manipulate us around, bitch?” I snapped at Sarah.

“Fae!” Carl angrily whispered to me. He looked confused and pained. “Please…?!”

And I turned into a balloon, punctured and losing air. I stared at him, my eyes gathering heat, my mouth gulping for air. I watched as Sarah raised eyes that rapidly streamed tears—and that vision repelled mine. Another overused trick. She used to raise those same pitiful eyes at me whenever she needed a saving hand.

Couldn’t Carl see this? She deliberately sent me an invitation against his knowledge to hurt me, and that was lying. He could tolerate that now?

Obviously, yes.

I felt whipped when Carl hugged Sarah to his side, as if he was protecting her from me. Those eyes… they were silently asking me about what I stood to gain from ruining his special day.

And I couldn’t… take… that.

I turned and walked away.

As the band on a corner dais continued to play wedding songs, sober guests stepped aside to make way for me while I ran from with my head down because I couldn’t bear to see faces. Seeing pity on them was the last thing I thought I came here for. I didn’t turn to look when I heard someone call my name as I passed.

I escaped.

But it would only be for a moment.

I would drink the stupid champagne because I promised. I would toast to their happiness as I must. I would punish myself because I deserved it.

But at that second, I needed to hide before my sobs started spilling from my beaten heart.