Chapter 3

When Noah and I first got together, he wasn't like this.

Five years ago, my father had a heart attack and was rushed to the ER in the middle of the night. Noah was out of state on a business trip, but after I called, he drove for more than three hours through the night to get back.

At four in the morning, he sat with me in the hospital hallway, put his jacket over my shoulders, and said just one thing. "Irene, don't be scared. I'm here."

Those words stayed with me for five whole years.

When my father had surgery, Noah took three days off work to help me deal with the insurance, pick up prescriptions, and drive my mother back and forth. The day my father was discharged, Noah carried two big bags in one hand and kept the other free to hold mine.

Back then, I truly believed this was the man I'd spend the rest of my life with.

That was exactly why, whenever he let me down, I'd instinctively excuse the man in front of me by remembering the man he'd been back then.

One year, for his birthday, I booked a table at his favorite restaurant a month in advance.

I waited from early evening until ten that night. He never showed.

His excuse was that Claire had just gone through a breakup and was crying so hard in a bar bathroom that she couldn't stand up. Over the phone, Noah said, "She hasn't had anyone close to her in years. If I don't go, something could really happen to her."

In the end, I blew out the candles alone, boxed up the cake with his name on it, and took it home.

Our worst fight ever was over Claire too.

That night, she got drunk and kissed him.

She didn't come clean about it. I saw it myself when I drove over to pick Noah up. In the parking lot, Claire had her arms around his neck, and their lips were pressed together.

When Noah saw me, he shoved her away like she'd burned him.

When we got home, he spent two hours explaining. "She was blackout drunk. She had no idea what she was doing. I didn't react in time, and by the time I pushed her away, you'd already seen us. Irene, if I really had feelings for her, why would I still be with you?"

I asked him just one question. "From now on, can you keep your distance from her?"

He said yes without a second's hesitation. "Of course."

The next day, he took me to look at apartments.

Standing in an empty living room, he wrapped his arms around me from behind and said, "Once we have a home that's really ours, you won't feel insecure anymore."

So I forgave him. Again.

We ended up buying that apartment.

But once we actually moved in, Claire got a spare key, Leah knew the codes to the garage and the front door, and Ethan and the rest of them never gave us a heads-up before coming over to drink.

Many nights, I'd come home late from work, open the door, and find seven or eight people in the living room. Someone would be wearing the slippers I'd bought for myself. Someone would be drinking out of my mug. Someone else would have piled takeout containers on the dining table I'd just wiped down.

Claire's favorite thing was lying on the couch I'd spent two weeks picking out, hugging a throw pillow and smiling at me. "Irene, your couch is so comfy."

Noah would correct her without a second thought. "Your place, my place, what's the difference? We're all family here. Make yourself at home."

And everyone would laugh.

Except me. I'd be standing in the entryway like a renter who'd wandered in by mistake.

I was already exhausted by then.

But every time I wanted to blow up, I'd think of the Noah in that hospital hallway at four in the morning.

I kept telling myself Noah was just too involved in his friends' lives. He was softhearted. He didn't know where to draw the line. None of that meant he didn't love me.

Until seven days before the wedding.

I was in the study looking for my passport and birth certificate for our marriage-license appointment the next day when I came across a red velvet box at the very back of a drawer.

I thought it was a wedding surprise from Noah.

But when I opened it, there was a delicate diamond bracelet inside.

I'd seen it before.

A few months earlier, Claire had posted a selfie with one hand raised to block the sun. The bracelet was on her wrist.

I sat in the study with the box in my hands for a long time.

When Noah came home that night, I set the box down in front of him.

He took one look at it and frowned. "You went through my stuff?"

"You gave her this bracelet?"

"Yes."

"For Valentine's Day?"

"She was in a really bad place back then."

"And what about me?"

Noah took off his jacket like he couldn't understand why I cared at all. "It's not like you need stuff like that. She was posting things like 'What's the point of living?' every day back then. So I bought her a little something to cheer her up. What's the big deal?"

"But you promised me you'd keep your distance from her."

He'd finally had it. "How long ago was that? If your memory's so good, how come you never remember the good things I do for you?"

I didn't say anything else.

He put the velvet box away, then stopped at the bedroom door and turned back. "Don't change Claire's seat for the wedding. She asked me today if you even want her there."

I sat on the couch and watched the sky outside the window slowly go dark.

After a long time, I texted Tessa.

"Could you please send me digital copies of all the contracts, payment records, and cancellation policies we have so far?"

She wrote back quickly. "Are we making more changes to the schedule?"

I looked at the folder on the table that held the insurance papers for my engagement ring, then slowly typed out my answer.

"Yes. Maybe a lot."