TatianaI felt suffocated. My lungs refused to pull in enough oxygen as I stumbled through the crowd, weaving past strangers whose faces blurred out completely. Hasan’s laugh echoed behind me, mocking and haunting through the five fragile years I had spent trying to bury him in the darkest corners of my memory.I couldn’t be here breathing the same air as him.I couldn’t risk those eyes that once looked at me with obsession, but in the sweetest way possible were now sharpened with hatred.So I bolted through the crowd, every step sinking me down like I was running through a quicksand, as my pulse hammered in my ears. Five years. Five whole bloody years since the damn video. Since my mother’s screams. Since Hasan had been dragged out of our lives and my life ruined forever. Five years since I had betrayed him with the most cowardly act of my existence; pointing the finger at him, letting him take the blame for something we had been a willing participant for. I had thought he was gon
TATIANAThe night had barely started and it was already falling apart.I stepped into the club, music pounding through my chest, club lights slicing through the smoke as I forced my body into motion. It was supposed to be easy, just my everyday routine to smile, dance and collect my tips. But tonight, some client decided to make it personal.A man heavily induced with alcohol but with an entitlement heavier than it all had cornered me during my slow set. “Hey, doll, come over here. I want to talk.”I shook my head, forced the faintest smile. “I’m working. Sorry.” I replied. His gesticulation disgusted me and even after months of working here, I still couldn’t stomach such people.The man sneered, reaching for my arm. “Don’t give me that, you know you want this.”Him touching me was my thirteenth reason. I pulled my arm back, slapping his hand away. “Back off,” I hissed. “No means no, you sick fuck!” I barked as I picked up his glass, threw the contents on his face and slammed the glas
TatianaFIVE YEARS LATER.The nightmare always started the same way: me on my knees in our old living room, my mom holding up her phone to my face with the video that ruined everything, her face red with a mix of tears and rage. “Do you understand what you have done, Tatiana? You’ve ruined us, Tatiana!” she screamed. “You’ve dragged this family into filth.” she added, her voice laced with pain and betrayal.I tried to speak, but my throat felt like it had been sewn. My hands shook so badly and my lips trembled horrendously I thought they would fall off.“Mom, I’m -”Mom’s hand raised in the air and I flinched, bracing for the slap, but then an arm hovered over my face. “Don’t touch her.” Hasan said in a cold tone, his eyes red with rage. The fire in his voice matched the fire in mom’s eyes. Hasan’s jaw locked, every vein in his neck visible as he stood in front of me like a barrier. My mother’s face crumbled, grief twisting her into something even more terrifying than rage.“I lost
TatianaI didn’t move. I just lay there, breathing in the faint scent of Hasan’s shirt, the warmth of his arms around me like a shield I never knew I needed. My body was heavy from crying, but inside my chest, my heart wouldn’t stop beating as if it was trying to remind me of the mess that is my life.I could have stayed like that forever, cocooned in the safety of his hold, but the more I listened to his heartbeat against my ear, the more something stirred inside me. The same thing that caused all these headaches.Lust.I wanted to stop thinking. About the damn videos. About the blackmailer. About my withering friendship with Emily. About the videos. I didn’t want to feel like Tatiana Olivera. I just wanted to feel like I belong to him.I tilted my face upward. Hasan’s jawline loomed above me. My hand lifted on its own, brushing against his chest. Hasan froze, but only for a second, then his gaze dropped down to mine and then I kissed him.It was hesitant at first, unlike the other f
TatianaEmily’s face was crimson, her hands trembling at her sides. Her chest rose and fell rapidly, every breath a dagger tearing through the fragile air between us.“You don’t know me at all,” she whispered first, her voice quivering. Then it cracked into something sharper. “You never knew me, did you?”I opened my mouth, but the apology got tangled with my shame. The words came out fractured and brittle. “Emily, I didn’t mean…”“Yes, you did!” she screamed, her voice slicing through the walls like glass shattering. “You meant every damn word. You’ve been sitting there, staring at me like I’m a criminal, doubting me, blaming me after everything I’ve done for you!”Her hysteria was so loud I didn’t realize my door had opened until I saw movement. Hasan appeared in the hallway, his expression unreadable. And then, behind him, Mom emerged from her bedroom, her robe wrapped tightly around her as if she had already been woken by the storm erupting in mine.“Girls?” Mom’s voice had a whip
TatianaI’m not sure how long I stared at the grainy footage in my hand, but I know it’s a long, long time. In fact, so long that when I blinked out of my state of shock, the time above my phone indicated that minutes had passed, within which Emily had descended a few steps and right when she was about to put her hand on my shoulder, I quickly tucked away my phone.Emily looked at me warily, hiding her concern behind a mild chuckle. “You okay, T? You looked like you’ve seen a ghost.” Tilting just enough such that her face was inches away from mine.“Yeah, just another message from the stalker.” I say. Emily sticks out her hand.“Let me s-““No!” I answer quickly, quickly before Emily could even finish talking, thereby raising suspicions. Emily tilted her head quizzically. “I mean.. it’s nothing. Just another silly message. Let’s go upstairs.”Thankfully, Emily didn’t press any further. We walked to my room and barely seconds after sitting down, Emily began listing out names of people