Chapter Eight

Remaining in his lap and trying not to overthink this whole situation I have found myself in, but I take note that this is totally not normal. Like...just meeting someone, making out with them and them and then sitting on their lap! Also acknowledging the fact that it's also my professor. What has come over me!?

"I can't believe what just happened." I said outloud.

He squeezed me lightly, for comfort I suppose. "I'm sorry. I had to. It wasn't just to stop you from leaving, it was so you can further see the bond we have." His voice full of reservation he continued. "It also wasn't supposed to be like this. We should have had some time. But it seems we are both being robbed of that luxery and being thrown right in it. If I could change things for you I would, but as it sits right now we must continue forward."

"I am still very much confused. I wasn't believing anything you were telling me. I still don't know whats happening. But I know theres something here and it's not like some weird crush thing or whatever you want to call it. This feels different."

"That's because it is different, Brenna." He reached up and cupped the side of my face forcing me to look him straight in the eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. "I have so much to tell you. So much for you to absorb and unfortunatly it has to wait." Dropping his hand.

"What! Why? I mean this seems pretty important if you ask me. What else could be more important right now, than this?"

He chuckled and said "Sweet Brenna. Have you forgotten we are supposed to be attending our classes at the moment and we still have a day to finish."

"You got me there." Removing myself from his lap. Already feeling the loss of his warmth."I guess I can't argue with that." I replied.

Then I suddenly remembered. "Oh my gosh, Aimee!! Guaranteed shes having a hissy fit since I didn't show up to meet her after Calculus!"

Scrammbling over to retrieve my bag off the floor, he gets up, grabs me by my waist and pulls me up against him. ''Listen, I know I have thrown a lot at you. I also know that once you walk out that door your mind is going to go into a frenzy. Don't let it. Just breathe. We will talk about this and we will get through it together. We will talk tonight after school."

"Okay. Where?'' I asked.

"Well, I could come by the cafe. I assume you are working this evening, right?"

"Yes, I do . Closing shift again." I replied.

"Perfect! I will come in this evening." he said.

I wasn't one hundred percent on agreeing to the location due to the fact of whatever type of conversation we were going to have. I mean it could get busy or someone could hear.

"You really don't think thats a good idea, do you?" I ask. "I mean I will be distracted and not  mentioning the fact that anyone could hear. And my guess this isn't anything anyone should be overhearing to begin with, am I right?"

"You're right. My apologies. Where do you suggest? Your apartment?"

There is no way in hell that I am going to let him see where I live. Nope. Not happening. I mean I don't even have furniture for us to sit on. It's just embarrassing.

"Don't think that's a good idea either." I tell him.

"Why? Whats wrong?''

Just be honest. "Well the only piece of furniture I have is a bed. Unless you want to count the folding chair that holds all my clothing. So, no. My apartment is a no go." Blunt much, Brenna. Sigh.

His eyebrows furrowed and he said "I was aware of where you lived, but not of the condition. I will make sure that is not an issue in the future." He bent down and kissed my forehead. "Perhaps I can take you to my home after your shift and we can continue having this conversation there?"

His house! Oh Lordy. But where else was there to go?!

"I can't think of any other alternative. Even though truthfully it makes me kind of uncomfortable going to your house. But then again, I think we are beyond the point now that it shouldn't even matter."

"Are you concerned about me being your professor?"

Duh. Earth to Belikov.

"Obviously. Pretty sure a student teacher relationship is highly forbidden." I tell him.

"Brenna, Brenna, Brenna...you are in college now and a full grown woman. It is certainly not forbidden. It may be frowned upon, but there is no rule against it. Although I will say I do love hearing you acknowledging this as a relationship. To think you were hardly able to look at me last night. Just imagine what tomorrow might bring." Before I could even speak he tilted my head up, kissed the tip of my nose and spinned me around. Then he practically shooed me towards the door.

"I will meet with you later. I had it arranged before you arrived that you have as many classes with Aimee as possible. Thought she was a good match for you. Stick with her and you'll be safe."

''Wait! Hold up! Is Aimee a part of all this!?" I swear if he tellls me yes, I just might blow a gasket.

Clearing his throat. "How about I let her tell you what you need to know and in the meantime, stick to your schedule and stick with Aimee. Alright?"

"I mean do I really have a choice at this point?" This is all just surreal.

"I know this is a lot to take in, but you are doing great so far." I scoffed and he continued "Your whole world is starting to shift on its axis and its throwing you off. And thats okay. Just known that this is not something you are going into alone. You never have to feel alone again. Okay?"

I really don't know whats what anymore. My life is a mess and has been a mess for years. I have felt so out of place for my entire life and now, now, out of nowhere, this man walks through the front door of my work and nothing has been the same ever since. And if I am honest....truly honest. Him remotely touching me is the only thingthat has felt rigth in I don't know how long and leaving this room seems to be one of the hardest things I have to make myself do.

He spins me around to him once again "I'm not going anywhere. You will always know where I am if you just close your eyes and just listen. You will be able to feel me. Just follow that pull." Giving me another kiss on the top of my heaad. He turns me around once again and proceeds to open the door for me. I walk out slowly, looking back at him, I nod my head as he slowly closes the door behind me.

I know I have to go, but now I feel lost. And confused.

I promised myself I wasn't going to let my brain go nuts and over analyze everything that just happened. But I didn't promise to not interrogate Aimee as soon as I found her.

I will find out whats going on there.

With determined strides I make my way through the twists and turns down the hallways until I reach the door I entered when I ran into Viktor. And wouldn't you know it, Aimee is right outside, pacing back and forth yelling into her phone. When I open the door to walk out, she whirls towards me, immediately hangs up her phone, pops her hand on her hip and says "Well, someones been busy!"

"I'm going to take a wild guess and say that was Professor Belikov on the phone just now." I asked her.

"Obviously!" she sighed. "Woman, you haven't even been here a full day and you already have us all in a frenzy.''

"I'm sorry....I think." Runnning my hand through my hair. Still at a loss and not knowing what is even going on anymore. I'm just going to let this all play out. Honestly, how much worse could it get.

"Listen girl, I know you are all types of flustered and I wish I could change how things have went..." I interrupted her and said "Funny, that is exactly what Viktor said too. Almost word for word actually."

She sighed and went to sit on the steps in front of the entry. Taking my cue, I sat beside her and we both stared off in momentary silence. 

She reached over and squeezed my hand drawing my attention back to her "I'm sorry. I was so caught up in just finding out where you were and then what was going on that I neglected to be just simply your friend.''

She paused..."How are you doing?"

"Well considering that I don't really have any answers as of yet, but know that when the truth comes out that nothing will be the same. Though honestly, my life has never been normal. So I don't know whay I expected some miraculous change just by moving miles away from where my life had started. So yeah, I sit here in a chaos that continues to be my lexistence and it's funny that now, in the midst of it all, some sense of meaning has came in and it's like I know deep down that I was meant to be here all along. It sounds weird because I know I'm not explaining it right...back there I felt more at home than I have in years, if not longer.

I look over at her and continue "Do you have any idea how hard it is to walk around feeling nothing but emptiness and that void just starts to comsume you. Little by little."

She shakes her head no.

"Let me tell you, it's no picnic. Though regardless, I have constantly continued to look forward and be determined to get myself where I wanted to be. That's why I thought moving away was for the best and now it seems like I was mistaken. I don't know."

She squeezes my hand again and I see she is struggling on what to say "You moving wasn't just your idea, Brenna. It was all our choices." she said with an apologetic smile.

"What are you saying?" I clenched my fists. Feeling myself start to come undone again.

"It was for your own good lets just leave it at that. Belikov has to be the one to tell you everything. And since I have no idea what you know right now, it is in all our best interests that you remain clueless until you can actually sit down and talk to him."

I jumped up and was practically yelling. Thank God everyone seemed to already be in yet another class that I was missing. Great first day!!

"Why does everyone seem to know everything about my life except for me!! AND apparently I can't even be filled in and let inthe know until well after ya'll throw a whole bunch of nothing at me! How in the hell is that even fair!?!" I want to cry, but I refuse to allow it.

She gets up and says "You're right!"

"I AM right!"

"How about we cut out early. I  may get hell from Belikov, but he will understand. Let's get out of here. Jump in the car and hit up Dunkin Donuts for a Coolatta, find a place to park and I will answer whatever I can....within means of course."

Tilting my head back and closing my eyes. The only other option would be to go to my remaining classes and pretend all is fine and dandy with the world and I know I can not do that right now. Answers would be great. Better than nothing at this point. Plus, a coolata sounds pretty fantastic right about now.

Looking over at Aimee I can see she is just as lost as me, but she also looks focused and determined. Both of which I honestly could use right now. Which makes the answer perfectly clear.

"Let's get out of here!" I tell her.