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더 보기The seizures are growing more frequent and getting worse. I have headaches and I'm so tired all time. All I want to do is sleep. My short-term memory doesn't work so well nowadays so I had to go back and watch what I had recorded."So, I wanted you and I didn't want to hurt you, but I did hurt you. That day in the coffee shop you were incredibly brave in trying to tell me how you felt. In my panic I lashed out and I'm afraid I may have permanently damaged our relationship. The next several weeks were especially bad for seizures and tremors. I ignored your calls and texts because I couldn't think coherently and I didn't want you to see me like that."When I felt better I went to the computing center, saw the pain etched on your face and I knew I had finally succeeded in driving you away. I couldn't let you go, though, and I had to have you one last time. Maybe a more accurate way to say it would be 'one first time.' Despite all my blunt talk about sex I was no more experienced than you
That was the question I was dreading most. I didn't want to lie to Nico but I didn't want to tell the truth, either. At least, not the whole truth. "It went pretty well. She seemed happy when I left." Nico nodded thoughtfully. Finally I asked, "Do you want to hear about it?"She shook her head. "No, I don't think so." She frowned at the floor. "You really want to quit?""This whole thing has grown out of control. I can't do it anymore. It's not what I want."Nico nodded but didn't argue with me like I had expected. "I guess that's that." She grew quiet, as if having an internal debate, before she asked, "How long is your break?""At least another ten minutes. Why?""I was thinking we could have one last time together before the school year ended. What do you say?"I thought of Kelly and my immediate thought was, no. But then I realized that for the first time Nico was asking me, not telling me, and I glimpsed a hint of pleading in her eyes so I relented. "Okay. What do you want to do?
Nico punished me by not returning my calls and texts for almost a week. When she did finally contact me she made no mention of what I had said. Instead, she had set me up with another client for the following Saturday. Nico also told me she wouldn't be there as she had to go home for the weekend. I took it to mean she was still mad. The lead weight in my stomach grew heavier and sank lower. I wasn't interested in seeing a client but I really didn't have a choice. Nico expected me to go and, of course, I always did what she said.Promptly at nine, I put my game face on and knocked on the door of an off-campus apartment on the south side of town. The client, Kelly, had wavy, shoulder-length strawberry-blond hair, a round face, and large blue eyes. Grey sweatpants and a hooded sweatshirt masked the shape of her body. All I knew was that she was only a few inches shorter than me. Kelly smiled nervously, biting her lower lip, as she invited me in. I kicked off my shoes and followed her dow
We had a few more clients in January and February and by early March we were averaging almost one a week. Each girl was different and each girl was special in their own way. My favorites were the introverts like Sara who couldn't speak in an audible voice or look me in the eye but once we were alone transformed into a feral ball of lust. These encounters were exciting, unpredictable, terrifying, and draining. Their energy and enthusiasm was always matched and sometimes exceeded by Nico, as if she was somehow competing against them.Only once did I back out and that was because the girl was falling down drunk when we showed up at her place. Three days later we met again and everything worked out great. By late March I had been with more girls than any guy I knew. Nico's plan was working just like she planned: The girls were happy, I was meeting new people, and Nico and I both enjoyed what we had termed 'the debriefing.' The only problem was that although I enjoyed being with these girl
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