Chapter 1

Right before the grad school entrance exams, my dorm mate, Shawn Lodge, suddenly decided he wanted to let loose and relax for a bit. I didn't want to be a buzzkill, so I agreed.

That night, I went out drinking with him. As we drank, he slung an arm around me and curiously asked about my conflict with our other dorm mate, Andy Court.

I just shook my head. I had no idea why Andy was so hostile toward me.

Shawn stroked his chin and gave me an inquisitive once-over. "I heard he was so freaked out after seeing your body that he ran around campus in just his boxers. Louie, let me take a look."

I broke out in goosebumps all over, feeling grossed out. I shoved him hard. "Stop being disgusting."

But Shawn was curious by nature, and once he wanted to get to the bottom of something, he wouldn't let it go. All night, he kept pouring me drinks.

I pretended to be drunk, planning to satisfy his curiosity so he would finally drop the subject.

When we got to the hotel, he nudged and shook me a few times to make sure I was really out. Then, he pulled my shirt up.

I thought it was weird letting another guy look at my body, but since it was Shawn, I figured it wasn't a big deal. He had a girlfriend; he definitely wasn't into me.

Once I talked myself through it, I actually felt pretty calm. But as soon as he lifted my shirt and saw me clearly, he completely freaked out. He stumbled backward, bolted into the bathroom, and locked the door behind him.

I wanted to check on him and ask what he had seen, but the alcohol finally hit me. My head was spinning, so I decided to sleep it off and ask him when I woke up.

That night, I slept especially deeply and even dreamed about something from my childhood.

Back then, I'd just finished an entrance test to move from kindergarten into first grade. After I passed the admissions exam for the best private elementary school in our area, my family was over the moon.

Dad, in particular, was thrilled. He suggested a little family trip to celebrate my acceptance.

So the three of us went to a newly opened hot spring resort. Mom wrapped a towel around me and held my hand as we headed toward the hot springs.

Dad came over and said he wanted a bottle of water; he asked Mom to go grab one for him. Mom thought it would only take a few minutes, so she told Dad to keep an eye on me, then went to get the water.

I followed Dad into the hot spring. I felt a bit scared sitting in the water, so I clutched the towel tightly around myself.

"Louie, you're already eight. You're a young man now. Let go of the towel," Dad said.

He was always busy, and we barely got to spend time together. It was rare to have any kind of father-son quality time, and I didn't want to upset him. So, I loosened my grip.

Dad praised me and said I was a good kid. I leaned against him while waiting for Mom to come back.

Dad trailed his hand through the water and flicked it onto my shoulders. Then, he said, "Louie, let me scrub your back."

He was in high spirits as he started moving his hands over my back. I didn't stop him. I just leaned forward against the stone wall so it'd be easier for him to reach.

When his hand moved to just above my tailbone, he kept rubbing back and forth over that spot. It tickled a little, and I pushed at his hand.

"Dad?" I called.

He stared at me with eyes full of terror, then suddenly jumped back like he had been burned. "You monster! What are you? You're not my son!"