Chapter 2

Tiana‘s POV

My eyes awoke to splashes of rain on my face and dirt around me, I was weak, no doubt, I felt powerless. I took a good look around me, the field was still as empty as I remember it from earlier that evening, the memories of his rejection hit me again but this time I was more aware of it, it didn't come to me as shocking.

I must have passed out for hours because it was beginning to get very dark, but my eyes adjusted quickly to the darkness evolving around me and my environment.

To think I was still on the field, wet and dirty, means I have absolutely no one on my side, no one who cared if I was okay or not. I had at least thought Allerik would keep me away from the pouring rain and put me in a shelter, no matter how small, no matter how shattered it would be, and maybe a warm blanket would do, but nothing, I'm still here, drained, dirty and cold.

I have no family, no friends, no worthy enemy even. I have heard you can only have enemies if there is one thing that they can be jealous of about you, only if you have greatness they want to get from you even if they have to hate you for it. I guess those kinds of things are not for somebody like me, I have nothing to be jealous of, I have no greatness someone wants to steal, maybe if I did, the harness would make me feel like a human being, it would make me feel like I belong to something, somewhere, now I merely feel like trash.

I picked myself up from the mud, and let the rain wash away the dirt away from my body, I was cold with absolutely nowhere to go, no one to look forward to, and no warmth to look forward to.

Maybe if I have not been abandoned by my parents and family at a pub, just maybe I would not feel so much hurt right now... Maybe I would be filling my tummy with all the food and wines I want in this world and all the love that I have missed.

I know I have been practically left alone to die out here, no other way, I cannot go back inside the pack because of my shame, and if Alek or any one of the people I have helped to cook, or helped take care of their babies, or help to way their laundry if any of those wanted me back into the pack, they would have found me in the rain before now and carried me to safety, because by now the news would have gotten everywhere about the rejected mate, so why go back? I have never belonged there anyway. If I leave the pack, I will end up being a rogue wolf in no time, and with the little power and skill I have in me, I am left powerless, rogue hunters will capture me and eventually kill me when they realize I belong to no family in the pack, it would only mean to them that I have been banished from committing a big offense and that would be more disgraceful if they end up bringing my body back here and no one to claim me. But I would rather go with that than stay in the pack for another hour.

I should be the one to decide how I will go out of this world no one else, the drops of the rain hitting the floor and my body was almost deafening me, I screamed!! To nothing, in particular, I wanted to get the heaviness inside my heart out of me, I wanted the heaviness of my heart to melt away. I fell to the ground again and cried, surrendering to my fate, forgetting for a minute that I was getting my already half-clean dress dirty again.

If this is how my life was going to end, I'm going to let go on my own terms. Yes, this was stupid but I’d prefer what would happen to me in the hands of the rogue hunters ten times to what would happen to me if I stay in the pack a little more.

I carried myself up again, dragged my legs as much as they could carry me, there is no point worrying about how I look, all of this would not matter anytime soon, when I will be gone from this world, away from loneliness and hurt, away from the shame, homelessness, and Lovelessness. In the hands of the rogue hunters.

I walked the remaining of my journey to my defeat, where it all would end. Where I would forget about everything and anything about this pack. It was a lake out of the pack, it was located just after the perimeters of the pack, where I often go to when I wanted to enjoy nature without worrying and be at peace, that lake was the only thing closest to happiness for me and now that's where I am going to choose to perish. This would be me accepting the fact that the pack does not cover me anymore.

On my entire stroll to the lake, all I wanted to think about were reasons that would be worth my staying alive, just one reason that would make me rethink my decision to end my life and want to find a reason, just one but as much as I searched on my mind and in my head, I could not find any. . . Absolutely nothing was worth it.

Once I got to the lake, I placed myself on the small rock beside the lake, the lake was somehow disturbed by the rain in the darkness just like I was, but at least it was getting full, something was being added to its existence, unlike me, I was feeling empty. I sat there and just sucked in the beauty of the view once more and for the last time. I cried my eyes out, knowing that after today I would not be able to enjoy any of these things.

If only the lake could talk to me, if only the rock could cover me with warmth, maybe there won't be any need to go away but none of this would be worth it if they don't fill up my heart with warmth anymore. I wanted to take my final swim!

I stood up from the rock and walked towards the edge of the lake for easy access, it has stopped raining now so it was easy for me to see around me very well! Nobody was around there which was okay and probably the best, that no one would see this as an act of me taking my life, I am just pampering myself for the last time before I get found and taken away. But it seems I still have a lot of time, No one in their right mind would even be out in the rain at this time anyway.

I didn't want to waste any more time thinking about it over and over again so I took action, I heard a loud voice calling out to me! I could not make out the words but I know only a human being would sound like that, but all that didn't matter, I was already on my way down into the depth and the blackness of the lake, waiting for my end to come forever.