3. I am Fine!

ROSE

“Are you not coming back to work?” Monica asked from beside me where we both were lying on the bed and watching the reruns of Friends.

My hand was half way to my mouth, I was about to pop up some more chips into my mouth when her question registered. I put the chips back in the bowl as I pursed my lips and tried to think of an eligible answer.

In truth, I really didn’t want to sit at home and wallow in self pity. It has been ten days since my short trip to hospital and I had learned my lesson, or at least I thought that I had, except at night when I was alone in the darkness of my room.

Shaking my head, I replied, “No, I’m not going to come back to office.”

When Monica started to open her mouth, no doubt to give me a lecture about how I couldn’t waste my life because of him and all, because she had already done that with Natasha by her side. Yeah, now my best friend knew too what a heartbroken mess I was.

“Actually, I have decided to look for something else to do. Don't worry, I'm not going to sit here and mope around as you have pointed out so many times.”

She nodded once and then both of our attention was on the television as Ross said for the fifth time on the screen, 'I am fine'. We laughed, only to pause the show and look at each other when the doorbell rang.

“I’ll check.” Monica said, going out of the bedroom.

I heard her talking to the person on the other side, then she yelled my name. “Rose!!”

“Coming..!”

As I approached her, I saw the mailman standing at the door, my eyebrows went up on my forehead as I tried to think who'd send something for me.

“Are you Miss Rose Kapoor?” The mailman asked.

“It’s Mrs.” I murmured before I could stop myself.

I ignored Monica's telling glance and took the paper the mailman was holding out for me with the pen to sign on it.

I was vaguely aware of my friend’s stare. It was the seventh time I’d admitted to myself and reminded to people around me that I was married because for me everything that had happened between Ryan and me was real. Even the vows we had taken.

The first time I had said and signed my name as Mrs. Rose Kapoor Johnson was when I had got discharged from the hospital.

My musings cut short as the man placed a small box in my hands. “Thank you,” I said as Monica pulled the door shut.

“Who is it from?”

“It’s…” I stopped short as I read the name on the parcel. I swallowed as I replied, “It’s from Arjun.”

There was an anticipatory silence as we both settled on the living room sofa and I place the box between us.

“Aren’t you going to open it?” Monica asked when I just kept looking at it.

“Yeah. May be.” I looked up to meet her eyes. “I don’t know?”

“Oh, Rose, just open it.” She admonished and I could see the same hope in her eyes that I felt.

I hadn’t talked to Arjun since he had left with Ryan. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to talk to him. He had promised to be there for me if I needed him. And, he hadn’t even given me a heads-up about them leaving so abruptly. I almost hated him for that.

With shaky fingers I decided to open it. I didn't know what I expected but I wasn't ready for what I got. There was a plain black cap with NY written on it in white bold letters and then there was another small velvet box beside it.

The velvet box reminded me of something else, but the monogram of Tiffany on it told me that it was definitely some kind of jewellery this time.

When I opened the box I was greeted with the most stunning bracelet I had even seen. It looked so beautiful and delicate. When I pulled it out of the box, my breath caught as I watched it in light and how the grey gemstones sparkled on it. In a sudden light they almost looked like the very grey pools that had drowned me.

“There’s a note.”

I looked up from my perusal and picked out the note that Monica was talking about.

__

“Hey Beautiful,

How you doing? I hope that now I am not there to take most of your time, you are going to live your life. And, I want that, Rose, as your brother and as your friend, I want you to be happy. I know you must be angry but believe me if I could've changed it, I would’ve. It's not my place to apologise to you but still I’d really love it that my little sis will forgive me and take these small offerings from me.

Please wear them both for me. I’d know if you’re not wearing them (big brother sense) and I’d think that you hadn’t forgiven me. And, I’m still here, whenever you want something or if you just want to talk, I am your bitch!!

I love you

Arjun

__

“Rose?”

“Mmm...?”

“Rose!?” Monica shook me, her hand on my shoulder.

When I looked up from the paper I was reading, I couldn't see her clearly and realised that I was crying, again.

“Are you okay?”

I smiled through my tears. Nodding, I replied, “Yeah, all good. I am fine.”

“You’re crying. You know that, right?” She looked at me like I had gone crazy.

May be, I had. “It’s nothing. It’s just from Arjun. Here...” I held out the letter to her as I said, “Read it, if you want to.”

Monica took the letter from me but my attention was already on the bracelet that now I was fastening on my wrist. The cold metal sent a new kind of sensation against my skin, and as I looked at the jewellery in my hand I felt near to him. I knew it was almost pathetic, but for me it was just teeny tiny bit of a happy feeling that I wanted to cherish.

“I think I’d take your brother up on the offer he'd given me," I said over my shoulder as I made my way toward my bedroom, adjusting the cap on my head.

“You want to do that!!” Monica yelled, surprised, from behind me. “Until yesterday you didn’t want to even get out of your bed.”

I slumped down on the bed on my back as I gauzed Monica’s reaction, she was truly amazed. Because, the truth was that she wasn’t wrong in her shock.

-

The day I got discharged from the hospital I hadn’t wanted to go back to our apartment so Monica had offered me to live with her and I had accepted, provided that I’d pay my half of the rent. And, since then, I was cooped up in the guest room, now my new bedroom, in her apartment.

It had taken three whole days for my body to function properly, and I was still popping the pills that Michael had insisted that I needed.

On the fifth day, he had come to visit. And, the moment he had entered my room he had started talking about how incompetent his employees were. And, how lazy his secretary was, how foolish his manager was.

I wasn’t sure what he was blabbing about until he had said, “I was thinking if you'd like to take the position for the manager?” When I had looked at him with surprised astonishment. He had quickly added, “You don't even have to come on the floor where the bars are. You'll get your own office and stuff…” He had trailed off seeing my expression.

“You don’t want to? Or you’re not ready?”

"I don't want to. And, I don't think I'll ever be ready."

"Rose, you can’t spend all your days holed up in your room watching Friends!"

I was saved by the front door slamming shut as Monica had entered into the apartment, bellowing, “Micky, how many times do I have to tell you not to park your car in my lot!!”

They both had gotten busy to argue about it and I had gone to sleep.

_

Now coning back to the conversation I was having, I looked at Monica and replied, "Until yesterday, I didn’t want to be happy."

Maybe, I'll try to live again. I'll take Michael's offer and take the managing job at his club.

“Now you do?” She sounded and looked confused, even I was a little confused with the way my emotions were running high one moment and dormant the other.

“What? You don’t want me to?” I asked, with my brows raised.

“Of course, I do.” She replied quickly, afraid that I’d change my mind. She was so transparent and I loved that about her.

“Then, it’s settled. Tell your brother to be prepared to take my interview.”

Thank god, she turned away and walked out because as soon as I said those words a loud sob escaped my lips remembering the last interview I had given. I buried my face in the pillow as I cried harder. Guess what, I wasn’t happy after all.

But, I’ll get there. I hope so.

I will have to. Right?

____

A. Gupta