LOGINEver since I got pregnant, stepping on the scale has been my biggest fear. My husband, Greyson Lewis, had a rule: if I weighed even a little more than I had the week before, he’d cut off my living expenses for the following week. He said our friends had been laughing at him ever since I got pregnant, mocking him for marrying a pig. Of all days, I happened to gain two pounds on the day of my anatomy scan. The bill came to $1,680, but he’d locked me out of both my bank card and the supplementary card he’d given me. When we got home, Greyson made me a plate of boiled vegetables, without even a single ear of corn. "Eat less for a couple of days. Corn and potatoes are carbs, too. You need to lose weight as quickly as possible." But in the middle of the night, I was so hungry I couldn’t sleep. I sneaked $20 out of his pocket and went to grab a late-night burger and fries. I’d barely eaten half when the police caught me. "Your husband called to report that you stole his money." Greyson rushed over and frowned at me. "So now you’ve learned to steal, too? Can’t you control your pig-like appetite for once?" Suddenly, I was just so tired of it all. I held out my hands. "Yes, I stole the money. Take me away." The officer stared at me in surprise, but Greyson only sneered. "Good. Let her spend a couple of days in jail. Maybe then she’ll stop thinking about food all day." I lowered my eyes to my swollen belly and suddenly laughed. He was right. How much weight could I lose just by eating less? Wouldn’t I lose it much faster if I got rid of the baby?
View MoreSix months later, I was eating three regular meals a day again.Every now and then, Jaylin still kept an eye on me. "Don't just drink coffee. What did you have for breakfast?"I'd pull a sandwich out of my bag to show her.I used to think having someone control what I ate was terrifying. Only later did I realize that the truly terrifying thing wasn't someone reminding you to eat. It was someone using food to punish you.Gracie's studio eventually shut down. She deleted every article involving me and issued a public apology.I never bothered to find out where she'd gone afterward.Greyson rarely contacted me either. He sent only one message a month: [How have you been feeling lately?]I never replied.At the company's annual physical, the last item on the list was a weigh-in.When it was my turn, I stood in front of the digital scale, suddenly unable to make my feet move.The nurse looked up. "Is something wrong?"I took several deep breaths. "I'm fine."I took off my shoes
The night I received the job offer, Greyson signed the divorce papers. When he handed the documents to the lawyer, he couldn't seem to let go."I have one more question. If our second baby were still alive, would you still divorce me?"The room fell silent for a few seconds.I nodded. "Yes."The last glimmer of hope in his eyes went out. "Why?"I suddenly remembered that night at the police station.Twenty dollars. Half a burger left uneaten. And his words: "Two nights in a cell might do her some good.""Because I'd already become afraid of you before anything happened to the baby."Greyson's expression stiffened. "Afraid of me?"I nodded with a bitter smile. "Afraid of stepping on a scale. Afraid of eating. Afraid my bank card would suddenly stop working."Afraid that if I gained a pound today, I wouldn't have money to buy anything tomorrow."Most of all, I was afraid that one day I'd get so hungry I couldn't stand it anymore, and you'd accuse me of giving in to my piggish
Gracie's article was taken down the next day.I submitted the screenshots and my medical records to the platform and filed a formal complaint.Her studio wasn't licensed to provide medical services, yet she'd been advertising pregnancy weight-loss programs and promoting carbohydrate restriction to control weight for a long time.Before long, several other pregnant women began leaving comments.One said she'd been told to do cardio on an empty stomach.Another said she'd been advised to eat only two meals a day because she'd been gaining weight too quickly.Gracie started calling me, but I didn't answer a single call.Then she showed up outside Jaylin's building and confronted me."Alana, are you determined to drive me to my grave?" She took off her sunglasses. The injury she'd claimed would disfigure her face had faded to a faint red mark.I looked at her. "Aren't you the expert at controlling things? Then why don't you try controlling your emotions?"Gracie's face turned liv
Two days later, Jaylin handed me her phone. "Take a look at this."There was an article from six months earlier on Gracie's studio's social media account.The headline read: [Uncontrolled Pregnancy Weight Gain Isn't the Problem. The Real Challenge Is Getting Family Members to Be Tough.]The photos didn't show the woman's face, but I recognized myself at a glance. I was wearing the gray pajamas I'd had on when I was four months pregnant.Beside the photo was a chart of my weight, from 110 pounds to 127, then 136.2.The article said: [Case A: Poor self-control. Frequently requests additional meals, claiming the fetus needs more nutrition.][After eliminating carbohydrates at dinner, increasing daily steps, and imposing financial restrictions through family members, her rate of weight gain dropped significantly.]I stared at the screen for a long time, my hands shaking so badly I could barely hold the phone.Those days when I'd been so ashamed of myself that I couldn't bear to loo


















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