"Brittany, I need to go home. I'm not feeling well," I lie.
"Okay, well, see you tomorrow. We have a party to plan. And girls for you to keep away from Zander.""Bye, Brit."I leave Brittany's house. As I walk down the stairs, I see Zander sitting on the living room chair. The one where I just sat."Are you going?" Zander asks."Yes, I'm not feeling well.""Can I walk you home?""Sure, " I hesitate.We both leave the house. Secretly I know Brittany would put me on trial for walking home with Zander."Listen, Zander; you don't need to worry about me.""Well, someone needs to make sure you get home safely."We take a right, and I find myself on the secret path next to the garden again. Only this time, I'm alone with Zander. The boy I'm tasked with keeping all the girls away from."Zander, why did you hold my hand?" I ask."I don't know what you mean.""Never mind, forget it. Bye, Zander. I'm fine now. I'll take it from here, " I say.I walk away from Zander. Our hand-holding earlier was a mistake-a brief moment of confusion on his part and girlish desire on mine."Wait, Ash. Don't go.""Why not?""I did hold your hand back there. But I meant nothing by it, okay? So let's not tell Brittany.""Fine by me."He takes his hand and holds mine again. He brushes my thumb with his. This is not like me. I'm alone with Zander Hogan in the woods."Bye, Ashley," Zander smirks.When he smiles, I see his two familiar hidden dimples. And I know that if I'm not careful, I'm going to fall for him."Bye, Zander," I blush.I feel my face turn red. I turn around quickly; I don't want to give Zander the satisfaction of knowing he got a rise out of me. I need to put the flames out. Otherwise, there goes my friendship with Brittany. Zander Hogan is not worth the death of a friendship.I've never blushed about a boy before. I kissed Kyle Sumpter once in middle school, but it wasn't hot. It was painful. I don't have time for boys, and I certainly don't have time for Zander.A few days pass, and the night of the party is here. I bought Zander and Brittany a cake. It's chocolate, their favorite. Mrs. Hogan hired a band to play music at the party.The party is at the neighborhood swimming pool. I take my sundress off and reveal my new bikini to the world. Aiden Buckland notices me right away."Nice bathing suit, Ashley," he cat-calls."Thanks, Aiden," I say.Zander won't stop staring at me. It's making me uncomfortable. Then, a group of senior girls flock over to Zander and start hitting on him."Hello, Zan, how have you been," Leslie Thompson laughs.Her high-pitched laughs sound like a witch's cackle."Ash, are you forgetting your job?" Brittany reminds me.Right, I'm supposed to keep the girls away from Zander. I panic and push Leslie into the swimming pool."What the hell? You freaky little bitch."I ignore her and run away. I grab my sundress and start to leave the party. But I can't do what Brittany wants me to do. I can't keep girls away from Zander.Zander chases after me."Hey, are you alright?" He asks."Yeah, I'm fine. Thanks," I reply."What was that about?""Nothing, forget it, " I say, heading back to the party."What's going on? Tell me.""Brittany wanted me to keep the girls away from you tonight.""Well, I'd say you're taking your job very seriously," Zander laughs."Let's go back to the party, " I say, ignoring the comment.We head back to the party. I'm embarrassed about pushing Leslie into the pool. So I avoid her for the rest of the evening.The pool party ends, and the remaining partyers head to the Hogan's house for cake. We eat pizza, listen to the band play, and watch Brittany and Zander open their gifts.It's late, and as I get ready to leave, everyone decides it's time to play Seven Minutes in Heaven. This is the last game I need to play right now."Let's write our names down on a scrap piece of paper and put them in this hat," Brittany says.We all do what she says. My heart pounds. I'm so nervous. I haven't kissed anyone since that awful 8th-grade Spin the Bottle game. I just know there's a sticker on my head that says, "Virgin."We all go around pulling names out of the hat. My heart pounds again. I pull out the scrap piece of paper, and it says, "Zander.""Who do you have, Ashley?" Brittany asks."Zander, " I reply."That's perfect. I'm glad you have him. I know you won't do anything together. It's the perfect way to keep those other girls away," Brittany whispers."You're right; it sure is perfect.""Well, Ash, it looks like it's our turn, " Zander says."I'll set the timer," Brittany announces.I follow Zander into a closet. The one where I'll be for the next seven minutes. We shut the door. I know my friends and peers expect me to make out with Zander. Brittany expects me to let the time pass by.I sit down in the corner of the closet. Waiting for the beeper to go off."What are you doing? This is not how Seven Minutes in Heaven works," Zander says."Well, it is for me. Brittany told me not to do anything with you," I say."You're no fun.""Yes, I am. I'm loads of fun. Just not with you.""Yeah, when's the last time you kissed someone?" Zander asks."That's none of your business," I yell."When?" He asks again."The Spin the Bottle party with Kyle, okay.""That was in middle school.""Shut up," I say, embarrassed.I cover my face. Has that dumb beeper gone off yet?"I'm sorry, Ash. Let's change that. We still have three minutes left. Come over here and let me kiss you.""Why should I?" I ask."Because you need to have fun. And because I want to.""You what now?" I ask, feeling my heart flutter a little."You heard me. I want to. I want to kiss you, Ashley."I walk over to Zander. I decide to play two minutes in heaven with Zander. Zander's lips touch mine as I close my eyes. I open my eyes and pull away.I now realize the connection we've always had has been there this whole time. It was waiting for me to find it. I close my eyes and kiss Zander one more time before the beeper goes off. We pull away.We walk out of the closet. I pretend that nothing between us has changed."How was it, Ash?" Brittany whispers."Nothing happened, " I lie."Good, thanks for not doing anything with Zander. I'm glad I can count on you to keep the girls away.""Me too," I lie again.I look at Zander, and he looks at me. He smiles, and I smile back. I kissed Zander Hogan, and that is not like me.A week has passed since I broke up with Zander. Aiden and I are in a new relationship, one I intend to keep. Christmas break is almost here, and with it, the opening of the Nutcracker ballet. I know I'm ready. I have studied and have practiced more and more with Madame. My mother has even attended a few of my last minute one on one sessions. She praised me for my comeback. I know it's a small comeback that a seven-year-old could perform...but for someone with an injury, a comeback has so much meaning. I was told I would never dance again that the tumor in my ankle was too vicious to even dance upon. Well, during Christmas break, I will prove them all wrong during my final performance as a ballet dancer. I have other passions now. Thanks to Aiden and art, I have a desire to pursue more things with my whole heart. Madame has heard about my ballet paintings and has agreed to let me sit in the back of the studio to paint her students in action. She plans to decorate the entire ballet s
Aiden and I get ready to leave the cabin. I put my clothes back on to avoid suspicion from my parents. I'm already going to be in trouble with Zander. I don't need to get my parents mixed up in this drama. At least not today. Aiden gets in the car. He puts his sunglasses on. He is wearing his letterman jacket. The name Buckland is in black bold letters on his back. I wonder if that last name means anything to him now that the cat's out of the bag. I can't worry about that now. I'm a nervous Nellie. It's ridiculous, really. But this is Zander we're talking about. The man I shared my first bed with. Did it mean something, right? Did any of it mean anything? Have I just thrown something special away? Aiden parks in the Hogan's driveway. I get out like an embarrassed deer. Brittany and Stephanie open the door. "Hi, Ashley, why are you with Aiden? You're mom called, and I covered for you. I told her you were asleep. Were you with Aiden all night?" Steph asks. "Yes, I was. That's not i
I wake up to the sounds of a crackling fire. It's 4 am, and Aiden is still half-naked and lying next to me. We've had so much sex these last three days, I'm almost convinced Zander and I broke up. But the truth is we aren't. I'm the worst kind of terrible for it. I never wanted to be a cheater. But what am I supposed to do when Aiden loves me and Zander....wanted sex? I go into the kitchen and look around for anything resembling breakfast food. Instead, I find eggs and bacon. Protein it is, then. Clearly, a man went shopping. The only thing I find remotely similar to juice is lemonade. Good enough for me. Aiden wakes up and squints his eyes. He sniffs around the room, wondering why it smells like meat. A true hunter-gatherer if I ever saw one. He's a caveman at heart. "Are you cooking for me?" "Obviously!" "I knew you were perfect, but this is unexpected." He comes over with his shirt off and shorts on. He has the 'I just had sex' smirk on his face. He waltzes about the cabin, f
I wake up from my post-sex nap. Aiden is still here, holding me. We turn to look at each other. I roll over and lie on his chest. I start kissing him over and over. I don't want this moment with him to end. It's as if I'm trying to make up for the lost time and apologize for my actions. He rolls over and finds himself on top of me again. I admit I'm a confusing girl. But this feeling I have with Aiden is fire. My fire for Zander has gone out, and I know he lied to me. Perhaps I'm horrible for having sex with Aiden now. My parents still haven't come home from work. I'm lucky not to have been caught. "Aiden, can we go to the ballet studio now? I really do need to get this note and x-ray over to Madame." "Sure, give me two more minutes. I want to look at your forever." He looks at my lips and kisses me slowly again. We aren't rushing to leave as I had hoped. Aiden puts himself inside me again as we start having sex a second time. "I love you, Ash. I know you might be confused right
Thanksgiving has come and gone. I haven't spoken with Aiden since we kissed in the art wing. I haven't told Zander. I brush it under the rug. Romance is complicated, and I'm caught in the middle of understanding it. I've distanced myself from Zander. He doesn't seem to notice since he's been busy with the holidays. I've texted him, but I've avoided going to his house. He's invited me to his house plenty of times. I've had lots of opportunities to verify Leslie's claims. I know Aiden needs me to find the truth out for myself. He's been honest with me. I know I told him we would speak later. But I feel like I'm lying to Aiden by not telling him the truth about his origins. He's not a Buckland by blood. And he needs to know this. He will find out from me in due time. My phone dings; it's Zander. Zander: Are you coming over? Me: Yes, Brittany and Stephanie, and I are having a sleepover. Zander: Want to come to my room later at night? Me: Of courseZander: Great, see you tonight. I
Dad drops me off at school. The glazed donuts are tucked away safely for my friends. I think we all need a pick me up every once in a while. My friends need me to do something nice for them every once in a while. Zander finds me in the parking lot. He looks perplexed as to why my dad took me to school this morning instead of him."Why are you with your dad?""Because we're related. Are you mad about something?" I ask, confused. "Hmmm...well, let's see. I woke up, and you were gone." "We aren't married, Zander. I needed to get home. And my mom caught me sneaking back into my room at 5:30 am. It wasn't exactly fun for me. Then my dad ended up taking me to a donut breakfast early in the morning. I bought you one. Want one?" I pull out a glazed donut hoping it will change Zander's sour mood. He takes it. He's unimpressed. He sinks his teeth into the donut, and immediately his mood changes. "Are these from Danny's Donut Cafe? We used to go there....""Every Saturday in our pajamas. I