On The Verge Of It

Aubree's Pov When you start thinking about what your life was like 10 years ago--and not in general terms, but in highly specific detail--it's disturbing to realize how certain elements of your being are completely dead. They die long before you do. It's astonishing to consider all the things from your past that used to happen all the time but (a) never happen anymore, and (b) never even cross your mind. It's almost like those things didn't happen. Or maybe it seems like they just happened to someone else. To someone you don't really know. To someone you just hung out with for one night, and now you can't even remember her name. Some time ago, the biggest worry for me was that my assignments would be piled up at my desk, that I would have missed a lot of classes, and that my parents would be mad at me. After all, this is what an average teenager worries about. However, right now, my life had taken an entire U-turn, making me feel som

Aubree's Pov Jaden walked into the room and sat next to me. "Are you feeling good today?" He asked me while putting a pot of forget-me-nots next to the bed. "Thanks for the flowers, and yes I feel better today." I said with a toothy grin on my face. "Well, I chose these flowers for you because you did not forget me." He said and we both chuckled. "Anyway, your parents have come to meet you." He said while staring at me, while I felt heat rising in my cheeks. How could I face my parents? They must be very worried about me. "I want to see them." I said and averted my eyesight towards the door. "Fine, I'll bring them in" He said and kissed my forehead before heading out to bring them in the room It was way too distracting to look at him. He made me feel the same way he used to back when we were friends. I hope it would not have changed in these past ten years that I had forgotten. But the way he was treati

Aubree's Pov The next day when I woke up, I was welcomed with the sweet smell of pancakes. Do you wake up as I do, having forgotten what it is that hurts or where, until you move? There is a second of consciousness that is clean again. A second that is you, without memory or experience, the animal warm and waking into a brand new world. There is the sun dissolving the dark, and light as clear as music, filling the room where you sleep and the other rooms behind your eyes.  Waking up begins with saying am and now. That which has awoken then lies for a while staring up at the ceiling and down into itself until it has recognized I, and therefrom deduced I am, I am now. Here comes next, and is at least negatively reassuring; because here, this morning, is where it has expected to find itself: what’s called at home. We awaken by asking the right questions. We awaken when we see knowledge being spread that goes against our own personal

*Now* Aubree's Pov "Hello, I am Mary, I will help you with your physiotherapy sessions." A sweet nurse smiled at me and made me ready for the first session. She told me to do some neck exercises and some simple stretches, then we began with some breathing exercises. After a while, she began to ask me questions regarding my life. There are times when the mind is dealt such a blow it hides itself in insanity. While this may not seem beneficial, it is. There are times when reality is nothing but pain, and to escape that pain the mind must leave reality behind. Our lives are mere flashes of light in an infinitely empty universe. In 12 years of education the most important lesson I have learned is that what we see as “normal” living is truly a travesty of our potential. In a society so governed by superficiality, appearances, and petty economics, dreams are more real than anything anything in the

*Now*      Aubree's Pov We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection.Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves.Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare. I think in the end, you would have stayed with me, out of obligation...or maybe comfort. Maybe I was safe to you, and you needed to feel that. I know how scared you get of the unknown. To you...I must be kind of a security blanket.