8. What Are We Doing?

Copeland thoughts:

I sadly lay over here on this lounge sofa, uncomfortable, thinking and looking at my wife; she is a perfect stranger to me. On our wedding day, I had her wrapped around my finger. The sun was shining on her, but I was too blind to see how she smiled at me. I was also too blind to see love was calling us. But I had my mind made up. I was never going to love my wife.

I never thought I could love anyone else but Lizzy, but now my feelings for Tameka have surfaced. Is this a moment of weakness? I think about the day she left me for Paris without speaking and how it affected me. I must have felt something and was too prideful to admit it. But now that she's been back in my life this week. She has made me laugh, something I haven't done in a while. Tameka had my back when Gigi and mom were here. I felt loved. Something must be there between us, and why wouldn't there be? She's my sweet, adorable, sexy, and elegant wife. I never thought I would love or want her, but now I'm having second thoughts. The only person I ever thought about protecting was Lizzy. But now I want and need to guard what's truly mind. I'm sorry, Joel, I can't let you have her. 

I know they say if you genuinely love a person, you will let them go and be happy. But there's also a saying that if that person loves you, they will return to you and be yours forever. So if I let her go, will she come back to me? 

But have I pushed Tameka emotionally so hard? Have I pushed away my wife, who sincerely loves me, into the arms of another man?

I reflected on my awful collision with Tameka tonight at the party.

I saw her dark eyes darting left and right, still looking as if she'd rather disappear than be seen by me. The look on her face said it all. Nope, she didn't feel like she belonged here. As I lay here and thought about how the night went, my passion began to diminish, and my determination to keep her by my side began to rise. Finally, my mind was made up, and that's when I finally got drowsy, promising myself I'll apologize and figure it all out tomorrow. 

The following day: Tameka's (POV)

I have been a heavy sleeper for as long as I can remember. No matter what problems I have happened in my life, it seems. I wasn't usually awakened by sounds nearby. But this morning, I was confused for a minute or two, slowly batting my eyes open and then closed. My sleep was awful last night; I kept dreaming I was back in Paris. That's why I didn't recognize the room or the bed I had awakened.

Then, finally, it all returned to me, "Copeland!" I belted out before I knew it. I quickly put my hand over my mouth. 

I lay there quietly listening as he shuffled around in the main bathroom in our bedroom. Then I heard the toilet flush and the water running. It got quiet for a second. Copeland came out of the bathroom, and I immediately shut my eyes. He stopped in front of the bed. I could feel him looking at me. I didn't respond. Then I hear his slippers shuffling out of the bedroom.

Once the coast was clear, I eased out of bed and tiptoed to crack the door open. Copeland was silhouetted by the dim light coming from the living room window. It was still dark outside, and I was up that early. We both must be disturbed souls. I even see him bump into the sofa before plopping down on it. I attempt to close the door back, but he hears me. 

"Are you awake in there?"

"Shoot! shoot!" I uttered in a quiet tone. He still has those bionic ears, I see.

Responding, "Mmm, Uhm...yes." 

Copeland sat on the couch with his eyes closed. "Can I speak to you?"

 "Just a second," I said, frowning as I hurried and went into the bathroom to comb my hair, wash my face, and brush my teeth. When I finished everything, I looked at my pajama ensemble and felt it was appropriate enough as I shrugged my shoulders, 'last night, he saw far more than this.' I open up the door and walk out. 

When I entered the living room, I stood in front of him. Copeland was slumped down on the couch. He didn't move an inch. 'Should I wake him? I asked myself. At first, I poked him in the shoulder. Then I shook him. Copeland's eyes pop open, realizing he has fallen asleep. 

He bolted into a seated position, looking at me from the neck down, standing in front of him in a soft yellow two-piece wide-leg pajama set. Thoughts of last night quickly entered his mind. It was almost like he had x-ray vision are something.

Until I said, "Are you awake now?" His eyes flicked up to my face. 

"Oh, my God! I'm so sorry I must have fallen asleep again." I walked over to the sofa across from him. Copeland's eyes were glued to my butt as it swayed under the satin material. When I turned around, it was confirmed. His eyes were still glued to that area of my body. 

I ignored him, sat down, and started talking, "I'm leaving this morning."

 "Why?! You just got here."

"I shouldn't have come, Copeland. I will be on the next plane back to Paris on the other side of the world. Where I belong." Immediately we fell right back into dealing with each other as if it hadn't been over three years.

"You do know. None of this makes sense." Copeland tells me.

"I don't care if it doesn't make any sense. That's how I feel right now."

 "So you're going to pack up and leave based on a feeling? I know you came to see your friend and family for a vacation, and you came to see me, right?"

 "Been there, done that. I'm not interested in seeing you anymore; besides, I've seen enough of you. And you've seen way too much of me. So I'm leaving, and by the way, I will grant your wish. Do you have the divorce papers for me to sign? I want to get that piece of business over with too."

 "Okay, okay," Copeland chuckled. "I see you haven't changed a bit. That's refreshing. Don't be so hasty."

"I'm not being hasty. Isn't that what you told me at the airport? You clearly said you were tired of this loveless and sexless marriage! And that I should be tired of it too! Well, I'm tired, good, and tired!"

 I sit there calmly, staring at his handsome face with his hair flopped down over his forehead.

"Look, at least let me think! Maybe I was hasty, and I want to make up for last night. But I don't hate you, Tameka, and if you should leave, I at least want us to be friends. So can I please take you out to brunch or lunch today? And if you still want to leave afterward. I'll take you to the airport myself. Deal?"

I sigh as I think about what my mother told me last night about not leaving. "Okay, today and today only."

 I rise to leave the room. "Wait!" Copeland stands up as I get ready to pass by him, then I stop and turn around.

"I want to hug you to show you that I am sincere. Can I hug you?" He asked.

 "If you wanted to give me a real hug, you would have done that last night instead of giving me that pat on the back crap." 

"Last night? That wasn't the real me. Last night I was being a jerk. It wasn't the real me, Tameka. I'd been misbehaving toward you. I am brave enough to admit I've never been myself with you, and I'm sorry about that." Copeland sincerely states.

"Last night opened my eyes, and what I saw made the scales fall off."

I gave him a suspicious dirty look. Then, Copeland began laughing, holding his stomach as if that was funny.

 "Won't you Stop! So if you are talking about what I think you are speaking of, God help you! Why would you bring that up?" I put my hands up and turned around, embarrassed that he saw me nude, so I walked away.

Copeland chuckles, saying out loud. 'It's going to be a long day! But a good one! I promise, I'm sorry about last night, and I want to make that up to you, Tameka!" 

When I got back into the bedroom, I leaned against the door. "Oh, it's been too long! He looks so cute this morning. But I'm not letting myself get caught up. How can I trust him? Copeland still has Lizzy in his life, a girl he has wanted since he married me, and that's all I needed to keep in mind.'

 As Copeland passes the bedroom door, he says. "You got one hour to get ready! I'm a growing boy! I haven't eaten any breakfast!" 

I smiled and rolled my eyes as I lifted my suitcase, putting it on the bed to look for something to wear. All those feelings flowed throughout the house from one room to the other. For the first time, Copeland smiled as he got dressed, and I was snickering as I reflected on the past week's sweet and funny things we did and said to one another. 

But I kept reminding myself not to get swayed. But should I hold on just a little longer to see where this will go? It's Lizzy or me; if he can't choose, it's a divorce.