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46
Deacon
THE BIRTHDAY GIFTAfter I’d returned to my apartment, I couldn’t stop thinking about Carys and that guy in Starbucks. Fuck. Why had it bothered me so damn much? Seeing her with a dude who looked like he wanted to eat her up definitely got under my skin. I’d always told myself nothing could come of my attraction to Carys, yet I seemed unable to turn off the jealousy. That was messed up, because it couldn’t work both ways. That old saying came to mind again. You can’t have your cake and eat it, too, Deacon.It may have been a business thing, but there was no way Carys was walking away from that meeting without an invitation for something more. And why wouldn’t she take it? He looked like he had his shit together.It was only a matter of time before she started dating, anyway. As her friend, I’d have to suck up my feelings on that. She had needs—as her masturbation book had proven. What I’d neglected to tell her back then was that sRelated chapters
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I’d done the best I could on short notice. Hitting the two grocery stores within walking distance, I managed to find Carys a cake and a present.It still floored me that she was going to let this day pass without doing anything special.Carys looked down at the cake I’d found. It had probably been baked a few days ago. It had orange and blue frosting, which reminded me of the Florida Gators. If I’d had more time, I might have found a way to write Happy Birthday, Carys, but this would have to do.“So just imagine it says, ‘Happy birthday, Carys-Like-Paris’, okay?”She smiled. “It’s the thought that counts, and it was an amazing gesture.Thank you.”We sat on the floor, eating directly off the cake with our forks. “This ain’t bad,” I said with my mouth full.“Not sure I want to know where you even got a cake this late, but I have to say, it’s pretty damn good.” She had blue frosting stuck on her teeth, and I had the urge t
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CarysUSE ME Deacon and I ended up putting on a movie—some old Jason Bateman comedy on HBO—but I hadn’t heard a word of it. The vibe was completely awkward. He’d shocked me with his proposition.His expression was stoic as he watched the movie alongside me. I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, whether he was unaffected or disappointed by my refusal of his offer.I, on the other hand, couldn’t stop thinking about it, and I wasn’t sure if that would ever change. Would I be able to think about anything else around him ever again?But the bigger question was: why did I not entertain his suggestion? It wasn’t like I had any other gorgeous men knocking down my door. I trusted Deacon, and I knew he meant well in wanting to “help” me. His intention wasn’t to hurt me. He cared about me and wanted to offer me a safe way to get off without involving a stranger.I spent the next several minutes making a case to change my mind as
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DeaconTHE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM My friend Adrian waved a hand in front of my face. “Hey, man. What’s up? You seem distracted.”Adrian was one of the few close friends I had here in New York. When I first got to town three years ago, he and I had randomly met in Bryant Park and struck up a conversation. At the time, I’d been staying at a hotel while I apartment hunted. He ended up giving me a room until I could find a permanent place. He was probably my best friend now. But I’d never mentioned Carys to him, mainly because he was so good at seeing through me.It had been two days since Carys’s birthday “surprise,” and I decided to take Adrian up on his offer to meet for lunch just to get out of the damn apartment.I looked down at the menu in front of me and brushed off his concern. “It’s nothing.”“If you say so. But if you wanna talk about it, I’m here.”I let out a long breath. If I couldn’t talk about it wit
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CarysHE WASN’T ALONE I couldn’t believe I was thinking this, but I wished Deacon had never gone down on me. I wished I had never heard him groaning against me. I wished he’d never given me the most amazing orgasm of my life. I wished I could erase that night altogether, because nothing had been the same since.I wasn’t stupid. I knew he’d been keeping his distance since my birthday. It had been a week now, and it was clearer by the day that we’d ruined a perfectly good friendship. What bothered me the most was the sense of false hope I’d had after that night—that somehow Deacon would decide he wanted to be more than friends. Instead, I hadn’t seen or heard from him in days. Normally he would’ve stopped by with another coffee by now, but he had chosen to distance himself. Not sure I could blame him. The last time he was here, things were awkward. And I hated that. Things had never been that way before—sexually tense, maybe, but never awkward.
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DeaconCALL ME DICK A few days after I’d seen Carys at the coffee shop, Kendra was over again. She bent down to pick up something off the floor.“What’s this?” she asked.It was a pacifier. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t noticed it before. “Where was that?”“Underneath this table. I went to slide my shoes under there and foundit.”I had a small table where I dropped my keys near the door of myapartment. It was right next to the wall mirror—the one Sunny had loved to look at herself in. I had no idea she’d dropped the binky, which had been clipped to her shirt that day.Taking it from Kendra, I looked down at the dusty rubber tip. My chest felt heavy. It hadn’t even been two weeks since I’d vowed to stay away from them, but I missed Sunny. I missed Carys. I missed them.“Why do you have a pacifier here?”Still gazing down at it, I said, “It belongs to the baby next door—Sunny.
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CarysSUCK IT UP I ended up leaving the gala early. I couldn’t relax knowing Deacon was stuck taking care of Sunny. Maybe if things had been different between us, I would’ve been more comfortable with the situation.And when Charles showed up, I knew that was my signal to leave. I wasn’t surprised to see him—it was an industry event—but that didn’t make having to deal with him any easier. I managed to avoid him while doing the remainder of my obligatory schmoozing. Then I told Cynthia I needed to leave. She seemed fine with it, since I had shown my face for a while.It was eleven when I walked into my apartment. I was surprised to see Sunny not in her crib, but lying on her stomach atop Deacon’s chest. Both of them were asleep on the couch. I stopped for a moment to take in the sight, which tugged at my heart in a bittersweet way.Why do you have to be so sweet and such an asshole at the same time, Deacon?I tiptoed ov
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CarysBLINDSIDEDSix Months Later A lot had changed over the past several months, and it was more than the weather transforming from frigid to hot in the city.It was now July, and I had a fifteen-month-old who was attempting to walk, albeit unsuccessfully thus far. The months were flying by. It seemed like yesterday that she’d turned one. When Sunny had marked that milestone in April, I’d had a small party for her at the apartment with a few friends from our Mommy and Me class. Simone had been there, too, and, of course, Deacon. Charles, on the other hand, hadn’t been invited. He continued to call occasionally, and had apologized multiple times for coming by without permission earlier this year, but I still hadn’t warmed to the idea of having him around Sunny. However, I suspected one day I would.My feelings for Deacon had been put to the test more than ever. Kendra was a thing of the past, but he’d begun dating someone new i
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DeaconPSEUDO-FAMILY After double parking the rental car outside our apartment building, I put my hazards on and ran upstairs to help Carys bring down our stuff.“You ready to go?”“Yeah,” she said, carrying Sunny, who already had on her sunhat. I nudged on the hat. “She looks so cute in that.”“Yeah, well, though her name might imply she likes the sun, her fair skin certainly doesn’t.”“Well, Sunny, don’t you worry because Deek bought you sunscreen.” When my eyes moved to Carys, I saw a huge smile on her face. “What?” I asked.“Nothing. Just happy to be spending this time with you.”Her words hit me in the gut. She had no idea how down I’d felt all morning, though I was trying to put on a happy face. Every moment I doubted my decision to move. I hoped our trip would mean a break from the second-guessing.The ride out to the Hamptons was long and congested—no surprise that everyone had the sa
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