Chapter 2

Alice pulled her clothes from the drawer Joseph had assigned for her. Of the ten drawers he had in the wardrobe and chest set, he'd only managed to clear one... and sparingly.

'There isn't enough room for me here,' she sighed, dropping to her knees and blowing the hair from her face.

The apartment was stylish and sleekly decorated. It was perfect... for Joseph.

Alice felt as though she was constantly in his way. Under his feet and taking up space that should belong to him. Forever using the last of his milk and forgetting to fetch more. He said he didn't mind, but Alice knew he was saying it to be kind. He was her best friend, and he would never make her feel unwelcome, as much of a burden as she was.

Joseph’s apartment was beautiful, but it didn't feel like home.

'I miss my family,' she realised. Somehow, despite all his flaws, she still missed her little brother. Not that she would ever admit as much to Adam or anybody else. He was an awful little brat, and his recent actions were abhorrent, but he was still family.

Her mother hadn't spoken to her since she'd tried to correct Jamie's version of 'the truth.' His story was Adam, Ste and the others tortured him, and when Ste fell in love with him, he went off the deep end and offered to kill Adam for him. Ste even went along with this messed up tale until Joseph talked seven pounds of sense into the boy. In the end, Ste had still taken the blame, saying it was a fight that got out of hand, but it wasn't good enough for her brother. Jamie wanted his version of the truth to be accepted. He wanted to be the victim. He wanted the world to believe Ste loved him enough to kill for him.

And it wasn't just her family she missed. Her home, her bedroom, and more specifically her air-sprung mattress were calling out to her. Sleeping on the sofa was okay for a few nights, but the pains in her back and neck were really starting to get her down.

She pulled her suitcase from under josephs bed, packed her meagre belongings inside and texted him at work, letting him know she was going to return home.

Pulling the suitcase down the streets wasn't difficult exactly, just cumbersome. Every so often it would hit a rock and spin off-kilter, almost twisting her wrist. By the time she made it to her front door little blisters were beginning to form on her palm. Still, it felt good to be home among the familiar smells and sights. Ylang-ylang scented washing hanging out in the evening and the neighbours recycling bin overstuffed with empty wine bottles.

She didn't knock. It wasn't appropriate to knock on your own house. The clattering of little plastic wheels over the kitchen tiles soon alerted her Mum and Jamie to her presence. They practically flew down the stairs, eyes wide in fear.

"Oh, Alice," Mum gasped. "You could have announced yourself. We thought you were—"

Mum shook her head.

"Oh." Her mum looked down and narrowed her eyes, registering the suitcase. "I take it you are ready to apologise to your brother?"

Alice bit her tongue, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. When she opened her eyes, looking at Jamie, she nodded.

"Can we do this in private, please?" she asked him.

He nodded. She could tell by the look in his eyes he understood why. There wasn't going to be an apology. It would be a discussion. An agreement to put the past behind them and find a way to coexist. 

"Okay," Mum said. "I have all night shift, so I'll speak to you tomorrow."

She kissed Jamie on the forehead before leaving, giving Alice nothing but a sour look.

Alone with her brother, Alice felt free to say what she had to say, but she still had to keep her wits about her. Getting his back up and causing an argument wouldn't end in her favour, since their mother always took his side without fail. He was the golden child: her little angel.

She had to force herself to remain calm as he took a seat, folded his legs and looked at her as if she was actually there to grovel to him.

"Look," she said, taking the sofa opposite. "We both know what happened. This is stupid. You don't honestly expect me to say sorry for something I didn't do, right?"

He made a scoffing sound as he shook his head. "You're having a relationship with the guy who bullied me and made my life a living hell for years and what? You think that isn't very wrong of you?"

"I only met him because I asked him to stop bullying you!" Alice cried. "And it worked, didn't it? Yes, I may have ended up falling for him, but it all started out as a way to help you."

"Hmm." Jamie pursed his lips. "I can't ever forgive him, and I don't think you should either. You should be on my side. Not his."

These words shocked her. Had she honestly expected him to roll over and forgive Adam simply because he'd been kind for the last few weeks of school? Why should he? Especially when Adam only did it to get into his sister’s pants.

"You know... Ste apologised. A lot. He said sorry over and over. But Adam? He never once said he was sorry for all those years of making me wish I was dead. Not one single time. So why should I forgive and forget?"

Jamie turned away from her, folding his arms over his chest. 

'I didn't expect I'd actually feel the need to apologise to him,' Alice thought. Of all the ways she'd imagined this might go, this was not one of them. 

"Jamie, I think we've both done things we regret..." she started to say.

"Have we?" Jamie asked. "All I tried to do was make you see him for what he really is."

"You sent your friend to film him and his friends raping me, Jamie. That's not okay. Why don't you know that's not okay?" she blurted.

"I didn't force him to do that. Yes, I planted the seed in his head, but I didn't make him do it. I had no idea if he would or not. All I knew was... he was going to hurt you and you would finally see him for the evil, dangerous and violent scumbag he is."

Alice hung her head. "He... he didn't do it—"

"Only because Ste wimped out and told him the truth. I know he would have tried to if it hadn't been for Ste because deep down Adam wants excuses to torture people. He's a monster." Jamie said. He stood up from his seat, gesticulating as his voice became more animated. "But I knew you were safe the entire time. I knew for a fact Gary wouldn't have let it happen. The only time Gary ever got angry or violent was when a girl at school was sexually assaulted. He hates that stuff."

Alice felt the tears well up behind her eyes. She knew he was right. Adam would have hurt her. In fact... he did hurt her when he shoved her to the floor and ripped off her clothes. And he did only stop when Gary stepped in to defend her. 

He also humiliated her and treated her like a slave. She couldn't remember a single interaction between them that was gentle or loving.

'So why do I love him?' she wondered. 'Am I broken? Do I like abusive guys?'

"You know I'd never want you to get hurt, don't you?" Jamie asked. "I'm so insulted that you'd think so low of me. All I ever wanted was for you to see the truth about him before he'd poisoned your mind even more."

The disappointment in his voice and eyes shamed her. Head hanging, she stared at the chips in her nail polish, concentrating hard in an attempt to hold back the tears.

"What about Ste?" she asked. At this point, she was pulling at straws—scrambling for the moral high ground.

"Ste?" Jamie asked, his voice becoming so high pitched it was almost breaking. "He thinks sorry is good enough, but it just isn't. He thinks apologising and begging on his knees makes it all better, but it isn't that easy. Nothing he can do will ever make up for how he treated me. What he took from me. I had friends before Ste targeted me. I had a life. I had some semblance of self-confidence. You think I'm cruel to him? You think I'm the bad guy? Hmm. Well, let me tell you a few stories about Ste that might make you see it differently..."