One

Patricia

I tossed and turned on the bed, covering my entire body with the sheets to shield my eyes from the hostile rays of sun that seeped through the windows. Even with the one-month leave I had taken from work, I was still stressed with the weight of my conscience.

Realising there was no way I was going back to sleep, I threw the sheets back and sat against the headboard. Ethan was obviously gone, since there was no trace of him in the room, and it was well past eight o’clock. So, I was the only one at home.

After taking my bath, I went down the kitchen to prepare some tea for my breakfast, as I wasn’t feeling for anything solid. With there being nothing else to do, I decided to do a thorough clean-up in the kitchen, not because it needed rearrangement, but because I wanted to keep my mind off certain thoughts.

That worked for only a while, because once I was done and seated in the living room, my mind began its daily torture. The television was on but I couldn’t register anything on the screen. I was anxious.

I knew the truth couldn’t be long hidden, and that was why I kept silent, on edge, preparing for the time where all would be found out and Ethan would ask for a divorce. I didn’t want a divorce, but I would have no choice if that was what he would want. I was in the wrong, so I had no right to make any decisions.

It’s not that I didn’t care anymore, I still cared for him, and that was what made me more scared of how he’d react if he got to know the truth. I’d feel better if it turned out that he had fallen out of love for me. It would be way better if he didn’t get hurt, so he could easily move on away from me. He was a good person and I didn’t deserve him. He didn’t have to be stuck for life with someone like me.

“Mommy!”

I turned just in time to see Nelly drop her bag and jump into my arms. I smiled as I tightened my hold on her and ruffled her hair.

“How’s my little princess doing?” I sang into her ears as I tickled her sides, earning beautiful sounds of laughter from her.

“No!” she giggled and managed to wriggle away from my grasp. “School was fun today!”

“Really?” I asked, standing up to take her bag. “Tell me all about it while I get you changed, okay?”

“Yes, mommy,” she obliged and then took my hand as I led her upstairs to her room.

“Daddy brought you home?” It was more of a statement than a question, because who else apart from Ethan would have brought her?

“Yup,” she answered, fully concentrating on taking the stairs one by one.

“Did he say to tell me anything?” I went on, hopefully.

“Nope,” she replied.

“My heart sank, but it was expected. I thought our only child could at least spark something between us, but of course, I was mistaken.

Nellana, was our only daughter, five years old. I had her few months before Ethan and I got married. It hadn’t been in my plans to get pregnant before we married. We just got carried away along the line. One thing led to another and Nellana Price happened. Ethan had been so supportive. Back then it felt like I fell in love with him over and over again every single day.

But here was the case where Ethan asked for a divorce. Yes, Nelly would have to stay with me, but then she would start to have preferences when it came to me and her father. We would fight for her attention, and that would only make our family more broken than it was already seeming to be.

I pushed the door to her room open and we both entered. I lifted her unto the bed and began unbuttoning her uniform.

“So, what happened at school today?” I asked, reminding her of her earlier exclamation.

“A boy pushed me!” she said happily as if it was the most exciting experience ever.

I didn’t see it that way. My heart rate increased with worry and my eyes immediately dropped to her knees. Sure enough, there were some scratches on it. It wasn’t too serious, but it must have hurt a lot.

“Oh my goodness, this must hurt really bad. Did you cry?” I rambled. “I’m so sorry baby. Just wait here while I get the first aid kit.”

“No! No painful stuff, mommy,” she declined, shaking her head vigorously.

“It won’t be painful I promise,” I tried convincing her. It was a clear lie, but she didn’t have to know that.

“Wait. I want to tell you what happened first.”

I smiled at the cute pout she made with her mouth. “Okay, my dearest.”

“So, I was going to the playground and that’s when the boy hit me and I fell because it hurt so, so bad. Then he started crying because he said he didn’t want me to cry…and then I started laughing because he was crying and then he also started laughing.”

I chuckled at how breathless she was after her narration. “Then what happened again, sweetie?”

“He apogised,” she added.

“Say apologised, sweetie,” I corrected, playing with her hair.

“Oh yes, apologised.”

“And then…” I urged her to continue.

“I forgave him, just like Jesus forgives us when we pray, like you told me.” She clapped her hands merrily.

That single statement almost brought tears to my eyes. Without warning, I gathered her in my arms hugging her tightly, ignoring her confusion. “I’m so proud of you. You forgave him…you forgave him,” I repeated, as if in a trance, reflecting on my own life.

Would Ethan forgive me?

Could he?

“Mom?”

“Mhm?” I closed my eyes.

“My knee is itchy.”

“Oh right.” I immediately stood up, letting go of her. “Just stay here. I’ll be back soon.”