Chapter Five

MATT POV

“Matt?” She asks, jumping out of her skin, as she stands in the middle of her walkway, hand clutching her chest. “What are you doing here?”

“The better question is,” I stomp down the steps, the anger brewing to boiling point. “Why the fuck are you coming home so late? And don’t use Elle as an excuse. I know training doesn’t start for another twenty minutes. So where the fuck have you been?”

Her blue eyes widen as she nibbles on her lower lips, but I don’t miss the way she avoids my gaze. A lapse in judgement has a pang of regret poking my heart. But it doesn’t last long when I see the inner struggle behind her pupils. She wants to lie, but doesn’t know how or what to say.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she responds, eventually. Her fingers twirling her hair like it does when she’s nervous. “So, I have just been walking around trying to clear my head.”

“Alone?” I deadpan, not believing her words or the truth behind them. No, she is definitely hiding more from me. “In the middle of the night?”

“Yes!” She declares, her defiance showing as she raises her chin in the air and straightens her shoulders. With pupils narrowed, I study her demeanor and the shuffle of her feet. “We may have kissed a few times, but it does not give you the right to police my life.”

Her disdain nearly knocks me over, as if it physically assaulted me. Charity’s body language screaming something I cannot read. “Do you regret them?”

Are those tears springing to her eyes? Alarm bells ringing in my head. Her lips move, but I barely register the sounds they make. Did she just say yes? I can barely keep up, the words fading in and out as Charity continues rambling nervously.

“They were wonderful,” she admits, and yet she still refuses to look me in the eye. “Some of the best moments in my life, but that’s all they can be, Matt. Moments.”

My heart closes up, making it hard to breathe as she continues with her confessions. “I will cherish them forever, but it doesn’t change things between us. It doesn’t change the facts.” There’s the stab in the heart I prayed she wouldn’t deliver, but she did, and now I cannot breathe.

“And what are those?” My voice is distant and gruff as I try to hide the anguish her words are causing. Zeke, my wolf, is whining incessantly, scratching at my mental barrier to break free.

“You cannot pretend you haven’t thought about it,” she attempts to pass me, but I step in front of her, blocking her path. Her gaze finally meets mine, and I can see the itch to run, but she remains.

“I haven’t thought about it,” I say simply, because I have no clue what she is talking about, or what has her so scared. “Explain it to me.”

“What happens when Alpha Elle finds her pack?” Her question knocks me in the gut, making me want to double over in pain. “You cannot expect her to stay here for forever! She has people out there. A pack who needs her to lead, and as her Gamma I am required to go with her!”

Her logic clobbers me over the head as the truth settles in my bones. Elle is like any other Alpha, and cannot stay here forever. “Have you not thought about this?” Charity’s arms go up in frustration, a growl rumbling through her chest. “What happens then? Huh? You’ll be stuck here in New Moon!”

“Then I’ll go with you,” the offer popping out of my mouth before I can stop it. But as soon as it lands, I know how right it is. The answer is so simple I cannot understand why she is making such a big deal about it.

“Yes,” she snorts, shaking her head in dissatisfaction with my solutions, “because that will make your Gamma responsibilities so much easier.”

“Then I’ll give up the title.” I don’t need to think about it further. I know I should, but I don’t want or need to. Wherever she is, where I need to be. It’s where I must be to survive.

Her laughter is a beautiful melody as it fills the dawn, and hearing it fills me with joy. What would I do without hearing it? Or seeing her? The future is inconceivable without her, and I know she feels the same, so why is she fighting this? Me?

“You can’t do that,” she states clearly, her voice holding the authority of a Gamma. “So, stop being stupid.”

“Why not?” I stare her down, demanding an answer. Her aura thick in the air, sparks secret enjoyment. Elle was right about choosing her. She was born to be a leader. Even when she was a regular wolf, she had a fierceness that others couldn’t possess. “It’s mine to give up if I so choose.”

“Are you high?” She asks, practically shouting at me. “You cannot give up your birthright! Matt, you love being Gamma. You’ve been preparing this for your whole life. Could you seriously imagine life without it?”

“I can’t imagine life without you.” I step closer, my insides buzzing with the desperation to touch her. To comfort herself and myself. “Everything else is useless if you’re not there to share it with me.”

“Goddess sakes, Matt!” she sighs, putting her head in hands, before looking up at the heavens. “Do you even hear how insane this all sounds?”

“You think my feeling are insane?” I question, observing her body language like a hawk looking for the crack in the armour. What could make her fight this so hard?

“YES!” She shouts into the air, loud enough that the neighbors will hear, which is the last thing we need. Our parents getting involved is the last thing either of us need. “Do you not see the position you’re putting me in? Do you think these plans through, or do you just wing it?”

“I think it’s romantic!” I argue back, my temper raising, as the five-foot something blonde stares back up at me. If I wasn’t so annoyed, I’d get distracted by the way she keeps biting her lips. “Wanting to give it all up for you.”

“Maybe!” She mumbles, breaking character for the briefest second, before steeling herself against my proposal. “It’s also the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard you say. And I’ve known you a long time. That’s a lot of dumb shit over the years. This one takes the cake.”

“You’re eighteen. Maybe you should focus on finding your mate,” her suggestions making my heart seize in retaliation. The mere mention of anyone else being my mate has Zeke in a full-blown panic spiral. “Honestly, that should be your only focus. On her. Not me.”

There’s something about the way she says it that has my alarm bells sounding. Why is she so adamant about pushing me off on others? It’s almost like she wants me to find someone else…

Taking my silence as a cue to continue, she does, her logic slowly tearing me to shreds. “I’m not eighteen yet, and I won’t be for nearly two years.”

“So?” I shake my head, dispelling my rampant conspiracies and her negativity. “I don’t care about that, and you know it. I will happily wait.”

“You’re going to wait?” she asks, dumbfounded by my suggestion. “What happens if we’re not mates? You’ll have given up two years of your life for me when it cannot go any further.”

I attempt to speak, to defend myself, and my feelings, but her hand halts me, forcing me to keep the comments inside…for now. She has an expression that I cannot quite decipher. What’s she trying to hide from me, and why?

“Matt, please,” she begs, her voice cracking like she is holding back tears. Her heartbreak is as obvious as my own. “Please don’t do this. It’ll only end with inevitable heartbreak. For both of us.”

“How can you be so sure?” I stare into blue irises, looking for her telltale signs she is hiding something. She might have a great poker face with the others, but I’ve known her for too long. It doesn’t have the same effect on me.

“Because I do, Matt,” she argues, not giving an ounce, sticking to her denial. “One of us will end up heartbroken, of that I am sure.”

“How can you be so sure when we haven’t even tried?” I demand because the certainty she has doesn’t make sense. She speaks with such conviction…why would she talk like she knows…unless…”Is there someone else?”

“What?” She asks, but I can hear the panicked squeak in her voice. I swear, her cheeks are turning a rosy pink, and it’s all the confirmation I need. “Don’t be absurd!” She tries to deflect, but it’s too late. She has already given it all away.

My fury is blinding that I cannot stop Zeke from taking control, irises turning onyx. My aura leaks out of control as I stare down at her. Her scent having a slight calming effect, but it doesn’t stop the fury coursing through my blood.

“I don’t know who or what you’re hiding,” my voice a low growl filled with promise, “but I will figure it out eventually and I will not make it easy for you to walk away. You’re mine Charity Conrad, and I have no intention of sharing you.”

I back away slowly, refusing to break eye contact until she shuffles past me. Her heart hammering so loudly I can hear it as she climbs the steps of the porch. I don’t stop staring until the front door closes behind her.

The second the latch clicks into place, I sprint between the trees, Zeke pushing forward until reddish brown fur covers my arms. Leaping into the air, I am fully shifted when I land on four paws.

Running through the woods at full speed, Zeke doesn’t stop or slow down as we wind through the pack. I don’t know how long my legs carry me. The only thing running through my mind is the blood rushing in my veins as I try to control breaking willpower.

After what feels like hours of running, Zeke finally drags me to the field we spent the night. Slowing to a stop in the spot where we woke, he circles until he can sit on his haunches. Tipping his nose upward, his soulful and heartbroken cries filling the midmorning air.