Chapter 2

Emery's POV

Finn’s voice isn't loud, but it stops me dead in the doorway. I clutch my shoes tighter, my mind racing through a dozen lies at once.

“Out with Delaney,” I say, my voice coming out far too fast. “Lost track of time.”

Finn studies me for a second too long, his eyes narrowing slightly, and my heart slams against my ribs.

Does he know? Can he tell?

I force myself to hold his gaze, praying my face doesn't look as wrecked as it feels.

Then he sighs and rubs a hand over his face, and the tension in my chest cracks open with relief.

“You could've texted,” he mutters “I was about to call the entire city looking for you.”

“Sorry,” I say quickly. “I really lost track of time, and you didn't tell me you were coming back tonight.”

He shakes his head, but the corner of his mouth twitches up.

“Happy birthday, by the way.” He stands, stretching. “Mom and Dad called earlier. They said to tell you happy birthday. They're sorry they couldn't reach you themselves, some work thing came up.”

I let out a short, humorless laugh before I can stop myself.

“Of course they did.” I drop my shoes by the door. “At least they remembered this year.”

Finn gives me a look.

“Em.”

“What? I'm just saying.” I cross my arms. “They can't even carve out one day, Finn. One. It's always work, always some meeting, some deal, some emergency that can't wait.” My voice cracks slightly at the end, and I hate it. “It's fine. I'm used to it.”

Finn doesn't argue. He just walks over and pulls me into a hug before I can stop him, and for a second, I almost break down right there in the hallway.

“So sorry about that sis. I got you something,” he says instead, pulling back. “It's in the kitchen. Go look before I eat it myself.”

I wipe at my eyes quickly, grateful for the excuse to turn away, and walk into the kitchen.

A small cake sits on the counter, candles already stuck randomly on top, my name written across it in blue icing that has clearly been piped by someone who is not a professional baker.

“You made this?” I ask in awe.

“Don't sound so surprised,” Finn calls from the living room. “I watched, like… four YouTube videos before getting it right.”

I laugh, a real one this time, the sound surprising me. I stand there staring at the crooked letters of my own name, and for the first time all night, something in my chest loosens.

“Thank you,” I say quietly, mostly to myself.

I cut a slice, ate it standing at the counter, and let myself feel, just for a moment, like maybe tonight hasn't completely ruined me.

Later, in my room, I sit cross legged on my bed with my phone in my lap, the mask and the cash both shoved deep inside my closet where I won't have to look at them.

I keep replaying Alaric's voice from earlier. Take it, little bun. The nickname he’s used since I was fourteen. But tonight it sounds different. Maybe it is because he's been so close, or because his voice has been softer than usual?

I am probably reading too much into it, but after what has happened between us, I can't help wondering.

What if he feels something too?

The thought makes my heart beat faster.

I've spent five years keeping my feelings to myself because saying them out loud would mean risking the one place I have in his life. But now that we've crossed that line, pretending nothing has happened feels even harder.

I don't know what he will say when he finds out the truth. Maybe he'll be shocked. Maybe he'll pull away.

But I need to know.

My thumb hovers over his name in my phone for a long time before I finally type it out.

Hi, Alaric! Can we talk tomorrow? It's important… like really important.

I stare at the message for a second, my heart hammering, then hit send before I can talk myself out of it.

****

I wake up sore in places I've never been sore before, and for a second I just lie there, letting myself feel it.

A smile tugs at my lips before I can stop it. I've given Alaric my first time. After five years of loving him secretly, I finally have a piece of him that is mine, even if he doesn't know it yet.

Today I'm going to tell him everything.

My phone buzzes just as I step out of the shower. I nearly slip grabbing for it.

Alaric: Meet me at the park by the house. In one hour.

My stomach flips. He wants to meet. He really sees my text and wants to meet. This is good news, right?

I dress in record time, my hands clumsy with hope, and rush past Finn in the hallway.

"Whoa, where's the fire?"

"Meeting Delaney. Checking the admission list." The lie comes easy. Too easy. "Will be back soon."

I'm out the door before he can ask anything else.

The park is only a ten minute walk from the house, and I spend every second of it rehearsing what I'll say, my heart hammering harder with every step.

By the time I spot Alaric sitting on the bench near the fountain, I'm practically buzzing.

Then I actually look at him, and my steps slow.

This isn't the man from last night. There’s no rough edge to his shoulders now, no grief bleeding out of him in the dark. He sits perfectly straight, his jaw tight, his eyes distant in that way I know too well. The wall is back up, thick and cold, exactly the way it always is around me.

I push the worry down and walk over.

"Hey." I sit beside him, my hands twisting in my lap as I flash him a smile.

He doesn't look at me right away. "You wanted to talk, little bun?"

Heat rushes to my cheeks instantly. "Yuppp."

I nod, then decide to skip the small talk. My heart is pounding too hard for it anyway.

"Alaric, I need to tell you something." My voice shakes slightly, but I keep going. "I… I love you, Alaric."

"I've loved you since I was fourteen. It's always been you. Every guy I've ever met, I compare them to you and they never measure up." I swallow hard, forcing myself to meet his eyes. "I know this is sudden, and I know how it probably sounds, but I had to say it. Is there any chance, any chance at all, that we could be something?"

A pindrop silence follows my words immediately.

For one terrifying second, I think maybe he hasn't heard me. Then his expression shifts, the ice in his eyes hardening into something sharper, something that makes my stomach sink before he even opens his mouth.

He lets out a short, humorless laugh, shaking his head slowly.

"Emery." My name sounds foreign in his mouth, cold in a way it has never been before. "You're a kid. You've always been a kid to me. Finn's little sister. That's it. You need to grow up and find yourself a good man."

The words hit harder than I expect, each one landing like a slap.

"That's not fair," I whisper. "You don't know how I feel, you never gave me a chance to—"

"There's nothing to give a chance to. Whatever you think you're feeling is nothing but infatuation." His voice is flat, final. "I have someone already. A woman. Someone I actually see a future with."

I blink, my mind stuttering to a stop.

"You have a girlfriend?" The words come out small, disbelieving. In five years, he has never mentioned a single woman. Not once. Not to me, not to Finn.

"Yes." He doesn't elaborate. He doesn't even look sorry.

My chest caves in on itself. I sit there, staring at him, waiting for something, anything, that might soften the blow. It never come.

"I'm leaving for Canada in three days," he says instead, standing abruptly. "Long term. I don't know when I'll be back."

"Alaric—"

"Take care of yourself, Emery. I'm sure you'll get over this infatuation soon."

He walks away without looking back, his strides carrying him further and further from the bench, from me, from the girl who has handed him her whole heart and her body in the same twenty four hours and gotten nothing but cash and cold words in return.

I sit frozen long after he disappears from view, the wind cutting against my wet cheeks. I hate him. I hate myself more for still wanting him to turn around.