Chapter 19

Ryder’s POV

You need to stop this.

The words rang in my head like an afterthought because it had become physically impossible for me to separate myself from him.

Kissing Zach had taken more courage than anything I had ever done in my life, but the moment I did, and his whole body melted into mine everything just made sense.

He hummed into the kiss, and I sank my fingers into his hair, pulling him close as my arms wrapped around his waist and his body around mine.

The kiss was magnetic and insatiable, burning through all the doubts in my head as it deepened in intensity till all I could feel was him.

Why did it feel so perfect? Like he was the aid for a condition I never thought I had.

It was repulsive, dishonest. Maybe I was just confused, but still I should know better than to let my curiosity drive me to savoring this boy’s beautiful lips.

But that’s the issue, I knew.

His moans weren’t supposed to go straight to my crotch, I knew that. His body – however warm and tempting – did not need to be so close to mine, I was aware of that even as I pulled him closer and trailed a kiss down the side of his neck.

The kiss was already wrong, I should’ve known not to ask for more, sliding my tongue over his hesitant lips till he opened up for me.

And when he did, I should’ve known not to let my tongue slide against his, not to enjoy the way he fought with me before giving in.

God, he tasted so good.

An arrogant wave of arousal ran through me and I could feel my bulge hardening against my pants between our legs, I knew I had to stop myself.

But he was faster, shoving me so hard I almost dropped to the floor, and leaving my body aching with need.

We stood there flustered, barely able to look away yet unable to hold each other’s gaze.

“What the fuck was that?” The hoarseness in my voice betrayed how instantly I regretted my words.

But among all the emotions that coursed through my veins in that moment, confusion was most intense.

Zach swallowed, clearly as devastated as I was, which was weird because I thought this would be easier on him, he was already gay, this was just another Tuesday for him.

Maybe that’s why he didn’t stop me, that’s why he kept edging me on. This was all his fault, why did he have to be so goddamn tempting?

“Ryder-”

“You should leave.”

“What?”

The pain in his voice was hard to hear but I could care less, none of this made sense. I had gotten so caught up in making it up to him that I had begun making stupid mistakes.

Maybe it was better if he thought I was an asshole.

“Just leave, Zach.”

He didn’t protest further, just patted his pockets and looked around for a bit before heading awkwardly to the door.

“Zach,” I called out and he stopped, not turning.

“Make sure to have that talk with Saks tomorrow, I’m sure he’ll listen to you better.”

Without waiting to gauge his reaction, I turned and began heading for my room, hearing the door slam shut while I was still on the stairs.

I walked into my room, slamming the door shut behind me and then just standing there.

Even then, as my mind ran over what had happened, all I could think of was how undeniably good it felt.

“What’s wrong with me?” I groaned, lifting my hands to my face and noticing for the first time how much I was trembling.

Sinking to the floor, I ran my hands over my face and just sat there in the silence with my thoughts.

I wanted to feel bad about kissing Zach, I wanted to be angry… at myself, at him, at anyone.

But the only thing I truly regretted was sending him away the way I did.

Sighing, I pushed myself off the ground and headed to my desk. My phone chimed as if on cue and I picked it up, barely looking at the text.

Should I text him?

Or call?

What would I say?

Maybe I should go after him?

No, he’d already accused me of stalking him. That would be a terrible look for me, besides I might end up just fucking it up again,

Wait- the stalker.

Suddenly all the noise in my head cleared as my thoughts narrowed down to one factor that I had forgotten for a moment.

I needed to find out who this stalker was.

My mind was already made up halfway through his story, someone was making him uncomfortable and I was the only one in his close circle who could do something about it.

Although, after my actions tonight, I could hardly be considered close to Zach in any way.

That didn’t change anything though, I was going to find out who the person was no matter what it cost me. Zach could hate me for as much as he wanted to, it was better that way.

I looked at my phone once again, the answer to my worries presenting itself in a sober moment.

Let it go.