Jules collapsed.
It was pitiful, really.
But what was more pitiful? In that split-second, when his legs buckled, he still thought of her.
Goddamn.
His body hit the floor with the sound of a dull thud, the sound of a heart falling.
The girl, Riana, kind of shouted but it was soft, muted, like her grey eyes. She rushed over to him and obstructing his view of the ceiling. And replaced it with a worried pout, warm caramel skin, and miles and miles of ample flesh.
"Oh my god, Jules are you okay?"
Jules stared up at her dazed. He wondered fleetingly how he had wound up here, staring up at her best friend.
He still remembered her words clear as day from that day. When he saw their picture on her phone.
That right there, Jules, is my best friend in the whole world, well save for my
Jules pressed his palm to his throat, ignoring the loud thumbs of his chest. "I–I need a minute." Mars was right; it wasn't okay. Nothing was okay. "Give me a second to think..."He left before they could stop him half running, half walking into the boy's restroom. It was small cramped space, but he was grateful for the size and the key on the door. He locked himself in before facing the mirror.The brown boy in the mirror did not look happy. So Jules tried to smile, but the corners of his mouth turned down instead of up and soon it was a grimace.What are you doing? He thought to himself. What was he doing? Yes, she was wrong. Yes, she made a mistake. But he could fix it. Hadn't this been what he felt deep down all along? So then, why was he still torturing himself like this when everything in him was screaming to go to her, to go home.It's
Jules hated flying.Which was funny because traveling used to be top of his list back when his family was still together. He usually gritted his teeth thorough out the trip. While burying his face into his mother's fleece and the trip didn't seem so bad.But his mother wasn't here and Mars was a poor substitute. his stomach was shaking so bad, he thought it was going to catapult itself straight out of him.He fit his carry on in the overhead bin, dodging the leg Mars set for him to trip on. Honestly, it's just been a day but he's gotten used to his feint train antics. In the back of his mind, he could see what Riana meant by 'he's a softie on the inside' little bouts of kindness. Like when he taped up a picture of Venus he found in the trash, that Jules tore up in a fit of overwhelming sadness. So he knew, Marcus was not all asshole.But right now he didn't care. The plane hadn't even take
Jules stood and let the rays of the afternoon sun blind him for a moment. Then everything came into focus.He stared at the matriculate furniture, feeling almost nostalgic. It was a different state, a different hospital room, a different incident. But the feeling was the same. The ache started in his throat from the accident a million years ago to his stomach which had fallen out.Venus didn't turn from the window she was staring out of and Jules didn't breathe. He didn't know when it happened. He didn't know when he sucked a huge breath in and decided there was no way he could let it out.Maybe it's because she looked small. Maybe it's because he could see her shoulder-blades which were sharp and pointy; bony. Just like the rest of her. Maybe it was because the hospital room felt more like a room; broken into, comfortable.The nausea building up in him vanished. When su
Jules didn't realize how much was hidden from him until it was all out in the open.Venus had a bag of drugs, literally. She had a satchel full of drugs ranging from painkillers to what he liked to call—cancer pills.Most mornings she had to take a Carrie-standardized-test to determine whether she was strong enough to go to school. This usually involved (but not subjected only to) taking three trips down the stairs in quick succession. It looked like such a minor thing. So dumb.But today, Venus stumbled on the first try and when she went down. She couldn't get back up.His first instinct was to rush over. When he had watched her hand seize the railing with such a vicious grip. Somehow he just knew, that she was unraveling. And his legs were humming. But before he could even move everyone else was there. Carrie was touching her forehead. Chad was helping her up, even Merlin had
"Jules!" A voice shouted, right before something small and hard connected to his abdomen. The force knocked him to the ground, the pain left him breathless.He groaned and rolled over."I did tell you to look out," this time Jules recognized the weasel sounding voice as Dennis's.Omar jogged over to them, brushing past Dennis to help him up. But the dark anger that had been twirling in the depth of his stomach rose up. And as a result, Jules slapped his hand away turning his furious gaze to Dennis.He had gotten used to Dennis antics. And honestly, after spending a whole day in Mars's presence, Dennis was child's play. But for some reason, he was angry, furious even. It had nothing do with Dennis being an asshole, but right now, that didn't matter."Are you blind or something, Cooper? Does this look like football?" His fury didn't make sense, he knew, but it burned f
Benson hadn't known what to say.Omar had made the decision of calling for help, after seeing both boys wrestling on the ground. Rather than try and separate them both himself.There wasn't any need. By the time Benson and Omar had come back. They were already spent, just an ugly pile of bruised limbs and banged up egos on the floor.Benson had taken one good look at them, before succumbing to Jules's earlier wish of sending him home. Jace came to pick them both up.Jace sighed now, for what felt like the umpteenth time since they had gotten into the car."Just spit it out, dad," Jules said finally, exasperated.He cleared his throat awkwardly. "I don't know what you want me to say. I'm having a hard time processing everything. I mean you can't imagine my surprise when I got a call from your school saying you were in a fight. And with David of all people
Jules tugged at his hair in frustration. "Damn, this is so hard."Venus touched the hand, clutching his hair. "It doesn't have to be."He shook his head vigorously and water droplets found its way to her. "I don't think I can do this.""Jesus, Jules, can you like not do that?" her face screwed up in what was supposed to be a disgusted look. But Jules found the crease of her nose too cute to take her seriously. "And please enough with the drama. We came here to swim, not to see you agonize yet again on how you're going to end your manga."Jules pouted, "You're so mean today."Venus rolled her eyes, but a small smile was already blossoming and he felt his chest swell at the sight. "I'm always mean.""True that," Merlin chirped from behind him. Jules turned to take in the sight, yet again of both their families having a fun day at the pool.
Marie pulled his head gently to her chest. Jules felt his self-restraint disappear as drops of moisture left his eyes. "Everyone," he whispered, "everyone has told me time and time again that it isn't my fault. And sometimes I believe them. But then sometimes I have these dreams-nightmares where she gets into the car and dies. Then my dad is shouting over and over that it is my fault. And there is blood on my hands, her blood because," his voice cracked, "I killed her.""No, Jules," she gasped, pulling him closer, tighter. "You can't actually believe that. You didn't kill your mother, she got in that car on her own free will. I bet if she were here even knowing the truth she'd still do it again. And as for your father, he loves you so much, you know that right?"Jules didn't say anything but his silence spoke volumes."Jules," disbelief colored her voice. "You can't still believe Jace doesn't love you. I