Lucian

Lucian POINT OF VIEW

The chamber, dimly lit, cast an array of shadows across the granite walls, and within the palatial walls, silence felt almost stifling. I was perched on the edge of the bed, head bowed low in my hands, stilling myself against the tempestuous emotions that had roistered for the past couple of days.

Lady Seraphine, my mother, had fallen ill, and what had followed was the destruction of all order within the palace. I think every day her rapid decline from ill health into near death shakes me and the entire pack. Anxiety was coursing through our ranks with what uncertainty about her illness would mean for our future: the dark cloud of dread loomed large over us.

I shook my head and pulled at my hair, trying to shove away the memories; they came back again and again to one person: Clark.

How was she so strong? Even in my eyes, I had watched her fight tooth and nail for her son, Lorenzo.

Memories of her cast aside five years ago faded into the distance, like a dream just out of reach. The tears in her eyes, the despair in her heart- those I could remember. Yet, the reason for her banishment? Was it right?

The burden of my actions hung heavy. They couldn't leave me alone, not with my mother's illness now in front of my face. I have always thought I acted for the good of the pack, as fatal an illusion as that is. Back against the wall, eyes closed, all I wanted was to escape my guilt.

"Lucian," I muttered to myself, frustration seething. "Stop thinking." I didn't have the luxury to falter in my leadership now.

The pack was depending on me, and with my mother's deteriorating condition, I needed to be strong.

The impact of every single memory came surging back, memories of those feelings I had buried under my subconscious, demanding to be brought into the open.

I could not deny even for a moment the pull I felt toward Clark, the woman who fought like a she-devil with all the might and determination.

It stirred something inside of me, something I could not recall for ages.

My Luna, Sarah, stood right there with me all these years through better and worse, and she fought for me and for the pack. I couldn’t just ignore her loyalty.

I need clarity. I drew in a steadying breath and reached for the small bell on my bedside table. I summoned my most trusted Beta, Jax. The sound reverberated in the silence, and moments later the door creaked open, revealing Jax standing at attention.

"You called, Alpha?" he asked, his face serious but I could see the concern in his eyes.

"Come in, Jax. We need to talk," I said, gesturing for him to take a seat. He shut the door behind him and settled himself into the chair opposite me.

"What is on your mind?" Jax asked, and his tonality was steady; I could feel the tension lurking under the surface.

I paused, looking for the right words. "It's about all that has happened recently: the chaos in the palace, the illness of my mother, and...Clark." The name hung heavy in the air, fraught with unvoiced feelings.

The expression on Jax's face morphed into something nearer to concern, his eyebrows drawing together. "What about Clark? She's back, and she's fighting for her son. You've seen her strength."

"Yes, I've seen it," I said, my voice hardly above a whisper. "But there is a nagging feeling in me that tells me I screwed up. I remember sending her away, but I don't know why I did it. I thought it was for the best, but now...I don't know.”

"You see," Jax said, leaning forward with firm resolve, "Clark is back and a lot of emotions have been stirred up. But you have to know who your Luna is- Sarah. Through thick and thin, she has been there with you. She loves you, and she wants to protect the pack."

Those words pierced me like a dagger. "I know she does, but watching Clark fight for Lorenzo…it's hard to ignore that pang of jealousy. She's strong, and I can only admire her spirit."

Jax nodded knowingly through all of that. "Admiration only goes so far. You start to feel admiration too but forget who you are, Lucian. You're the Alpha. You have obligations to your pack, including Sarah. Your Luna...you need to be able to trust her".

"Trust her?" I said, with increasing irascibility. "What if I can't? What if I haven't moved on? Now I can't hide any feelings for Clark."

Jax stared, and his gaze seemed to emphasize the low waves of bright emotion that swept through me. "Feelings can often cloud your judgment, particularly in times like this. You need to get your head straight and make the most important call. Your mother is sick, the palace is in chaos, and the pack needs a strong leader out of their emotional mess."

I leaned back in my chair and found myself emitting a heavy sigh. "You're right. I know you are right. But it's not easy to forget what transpired five years ago. I thought I was saving the pack, but now I wonder if I was just scared.”

“Fear can cloud judgment,” Jax said softly, “but it must not dictate your actions. You must step forward; Sarah is doing her best to have you and the pack's back. You need to trust that she will be there for you, even as your thoughts stray to Clark.”

“Sarah has earned my loyalty,” I said reluctantly, with my heart feeling weighed down. “But how can I do that when I still have questions about my decisions in the past?”

“By acknowledging it yet moving on,” Jax declared firmly. “You can honor your past, but don’t allow it to control you. The pack needs you to stand as their alpha.”

I pondered his remarks, weighed down by the gravity of my own duties. "You are right. I cannot let the feelings I have for Clark destroy everything I have built with Sarah. I owe her that; I owe that to the pack."

“Right,” Jax affirmed. Relief entered his eyes. “You need to think of your mother's health and the pack. Keep your feelings buried for now; there will be time for everything else later.”

I nodded, feeling revitalized. “Thank you, Jax. I appreciate your counsel. I will talk to Sarah and concentrate on getting the pack through this crisis.”

When Jax started for the door, I felt a strange melange of gratitude and sadness; there was a long road ahead with difficult choices and lingering emotions, but I had to shove through with clarity and strength for my pack. I would not be drowned in this chaos; I would rise above it.

“Don’t forget, Lucian,” said Jax while leaving the apartment. “You’re not alone. We’re all together in this.”

Taking a deep breath, I felt the weight of my responsibilities as I watched him walk out. Determinedly, I would face anything that came next for Mom, for the pack, and for Sarah. I would carry my past with me, yet it would not control my future. It was High time to reclaim my journey and fight for the pack I cherished.