Just because I carry it well doesn’t mean I am not hurt.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~RUBEN~Human proposes, and God disposes. This is what I read somewhere a few days back, and I didn’t notice I would use the exact quote for myself. I suggested Reile, and God disposed of my proposal ignominiously and punished me with a mute woman. I had anger inside me, and even if I wanted to yell my pain out, I couldn’t.I hate the fact I can’t express my anger at her when I concede why she accepted this fake marriage.What would people think? Ruben has become a monster punishing a woman who can’t even talk. I would keep those people aside for a moment, but for Raya, I was the man she would look up to.Just because I carry it well, it doesn’t mean I am not hurt. The pain of betrayal in love was more than anything else. Suffocating myself, I didn’t know what else to do to keep myself alive. Work and office have become my priorities, but how did I forget I have Raya to give me hope?It was the appointment d
There is a feeling of being trapped between wanting to forget and wanting to hold on.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~RUBEN~Sprinting from my suffocating vulnerability, my foot stopped beside my car. Looking intently at the marching cloud, ready to wash away, everything on the ground thundered again. But they could not stop me from celebrating my failure.First, my marriage, and then my business. Everything was pulling back from me, and I couldn’t do anything but stand and watch it going like a dunce. I drove past the resistance, pulling me back into my home to look after the woman who suffered through my hand, but what a botch I had inside that brought out the worst in me. What a mess I was in where I was the culprit, and I was the victim, too.The haunted maze reminded me of my mistakes. Falling in love is pulling me down and making me suffer more.Brayan watched me.“I just... I’m losing everything, Brayan.”“These architects, I worked hard to get them onboarded.” Even the booming music coul
Why does it feel when I lose the last molecule of loving you? That would be the time you would fall for me.~~~~~~~~Ruben~If you run a long way, your muscles need rest to recover, and the same demand comes from your exhausted mind when you want to be alone or talk to someone and seek a solution. After yesterday’s encounter with my parents, I had drifted a step further into the pit of remorse. There was everything to argue, but nothing to act on. Looking out from the glass walls, the scenic view that regularly makes me proud has lost its charm.Fishing out my second cigarette, burned the other side, and the eyes landed on the fucking wedding band. A nameless fear was restraining me, and the burden of this wedding pulled me down. How am I going to get rid of her? It seems like I have sought this question a thousand hours, but no answer shoved out. The intercom call dragged my focus back to my table, reminding me Miles would be here in a few minutes.Dad handed me his hotel chains busi
Every time you judge me, you are showing me a part of you that needs healing.~ARLET~There comes a time when pushing someone’s expectations has become difficult to execute. The evening arrived when the anticipations coming from Kathy and Michael had to be performed. Since morning I was restless, thinking, am I the right person to go with Ruben?Do we need to pretend like a happily married couple in love in front of his friends, too? Because last time I checked, their expressions on the wedding evening exported the confusion, same as Ruben’s.Looking at the blur mirage in the window, my mind sifted, and my thoughts accumulated; he might have ignored this invitation as his parents would not be there to keep us in check. But when he came to the breakfast table, he mentioned the party to Raya. Our eyes met, and his expression never betrayed like a stone-cold gaze towards me, expecting nothing, just avoidance. For a few days, it has become a habit for us to spend some time together at the
Sometimes you will get the person you need the most in your life, not the one you wanted the most.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ARLET~The Christmas evening celebration was not as I have seen so far. No Christmas carol, no talking about Christ, but a levitation of the branded clothes, heavy drinks, plus laughter. I would say it’s another reason people mingle and enjoy a healthy laugh.The clusters of people needed to be more welcoming to pull newcomers into their conversation. This is the first time I have been to these parties, and even if I was given a chance, I don’t know how I would survive.And the most awkward thing that happened was the strange encounter between Milo and Ruben.Everything was going great until Raya was wheeled away from me, and a pair of questionable eyes followed me to the pool area.“Arlet,” Milo and I never had conflicts except for this one when he used to question my choices and wanted me to explain to them. It’s hard to explain things when you yourself find being trap
How scary the feeling of drowning is in a place without water, but only your thoughts.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~RUBEN~Because people see the situations from their perspectives, their narrative of the event would come out differently. Not that I was bothered by their perception, but sometimes the people you love become the reason for you to stand in the quicksands of your choices. Confusion is when you cannot process with your conscious mind, but your subconscious knows this could become a race to lose. For a moment, Arlet seems genuine, but the way she entered my life has left me sore enough not to think anything good about her intentions.My parents were out of the city, but my mother somehow knew I was about to ditch Kathrine’s party, and to clear her doubts, she called me.“Ruben, how are you doing?”“I am good, just finishing my work,” Still engulfed in time, I didn’t realize when the evening had arrived.“Is everything ok with you?” Halted with her words, my inner turmoil churned one
I will wear your name on my heart. I just wish you knew it before it is absorbed beneath this ground.~ARELT~~~~~~~~~~`The white cirrus clouds in this chilly morning, with a pinch of sunlight, playing hide and seek. I stood, ingraining my shadow on the window rim, watching them blankly. Strange imagination pulsating my mind, watching them drift away as the sunlight entered my eyelids like expectancy.No matter if my mother had given me social culture, a big part of my life was consumed in preparing myself for this high society culture when I lived with William and Debbie. I still felt shunned. But just like these sun rays playing hide and seek, my hopes are depicted similarly. When everything was falling apart, Raya became a ray of hope.After finishing our breakfast together, Ruben left for the office while Raya got engrossed with her homeschool teacher. Sometimes I think studying without your friends wouldn’t be so exciting. I waited for her to finish her classes on time, but som
Once the heart gets too heavy with the pain, people don’t dry. They just turned silent. Completely silent.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~RUBEN~There was always a better and a worse version of losing someone. At the loss, we traveled the most painful journey. Perhaps there was something inside us wishing for their presence to hold on to and nurture our being once again.Standing beside Rafael’s coffin, I sensed I had lost him in the worst way possible. And today, watching over his picture, something nudging me to call him back from the impossibilities enveloping me.I still remember the day after the funeral. I visited Raya lying in the hospital bed, surrounded by plastic veins. Everything inside me meddled, and observing her; it splintered into uncountable pieces.That gracious smile that used to enlighten our day was gone, and that tiny angel didn’t learn what she had lost. When the Doctor rolled the wheelchair, it was so awful that I couldn’t settle there watching her perching on t