Regret After Goodbye

"Callum, where's Kristen? We've been waiting for an hour already. Should we give her a call?"

My childhood friend, Jesse Bramwell, nudged my arm. He sounded a little exasperated.

I checked my watch. It was already 11:00 am, a full hour past the time Kristen Ellwood and I had agreed on. On an ordinary day, I would not have minded waiting for her, but today of all days was our engagement party.

Plenty of friends from out of town had taken time off work just to be here, and with one half of the happy couple this late, the atmosphere was bound to turn awkward.

I took a deep breath and opened my chat with Kristen. Compared to my long, rambling messages, her replies were pitifully short.

Most of them were just a thumbs-up emoji whenever I had paid for something on her behalf. The last message in the thread was the hotel location I had sent her at six that morning.

[Kristen, don't forget about our engagement party. A lot of our old classmates are here.]

[It's fine if you're running late. I'll take care of the guests, so take your time getting ready. My princess is going to be the most beautiful girl in the room!]

I had read over both messages carefully before sending them. I did not ask much of Kristen. As long as she showed up and was willing to stay with me, I would be content, whether or not she loved me.

I had just sent the last message and was about to close the app when a voice message popped up in the chat.

I knew it. After five years together, Kristen would not just forget about me like that. I had always believed that as long as I treated her well enough, her heart would eventually melt for me.

Barely two seconds later, I was already tapping on the message with a trembling hand.

"Callum, relax. Kristen and I just woke up. We'll get ready and head over to the venue soon. Go ahead and entertain the guests and explain things for us, so nobody thinks Kristen and I have no manners."

It was the middle of summer and 100 degrees outside, yet I felt as though I had been plunged into ice water. The voice was clear and crisp, yet it sent a chill straight down my spine, stirring a dread I could not shake.

I would probably never forget that voice as long as I lived. It was Lance Kirby.

Why was he back? Why today, of all days, the day Kristen and I were getting engaged?

I opened the chat again, wanting to demand answers, but I did not even know where to start. I knew Kristen better than anyone. In her heart, ten of me put together would never measure up to one Lance.

If I confronted her now, she might just skip the engagement party altogether. My pride was the least of my concerns, but the guests had no obligation to sit through such an awkward situation with me.

As if he could sense how cornered I felt, he sent another voice message, taking his sweet time.

"Callum, we're old classmates. You're not going to give me the cold shoulder, are you?"

I took a deep breath and slowly typed out a reply.

[Of course not. Come over as soon as you're ready.]

I turned off my phone, a bitter ache in my chest that left me unable to say a word.

Being with me had always been Kristen settling for second best. Kristen did not love me. I had understood that five years ago.

Kristen, Lance, and I had gone to college together.

From freshman year on, Kristen and Lance were the golden couple everyone on campus knew about. One was student council president and the other was captain of the basketball team.

They seemed like characters who had stepped straight out of a novel. I, on the other hand, was as ordinary as they came, the kind of person nobody would look at twice in a crowd.

Maybe the universe had been trying to warn me that Kristen and I were doomed from the start, because our first real encounter was awkward and humiliating.

My family did not have much money. To take some of the burden off my parents, I worked part-time as a bartender at a bar near campus.

The first time I met Kristen, the scene could only be described as chaotic.

It was past midnight, and I was mixing drinks behind the bar when Kristen marched toward one of the private rooms in the corner with three or four girls, all of them looking grim.

I did not pay much attention at first, since people came to bars looking for someone all the time.

It was not until I heard arguing and screaming from the room that I realized something was wrong.

By the time I rushed over, Kristen had a fistful of a half-dressed girl's hair, while Lance stood off to the side, wanting to step in but not knowing how.

"Everyone at school knows Lance is my boyfriend! Do you have no shame? Going after my boyfriend? Do you have a death wish?"

Kristen grew more worked up with every word. She grabbed a bottle and was about to smash it over the girl.

Afraid someone would get seriously hurt, I rushed in, and unsurprisingly, I ended up as the only casualty of the whole mess.

When I came to, I was in the hospital with gauze wrapped around my head and everything spinning. Kristen sat by the bed, her makeup ruined from crying, staring at me as if I had wronged her.

"What were you thinking, jumping in like that? I was this close to teaching that shameless girl a lesson, you know that?

"This is all your fault! Now I can't find Lance or that girl, and on top of that, I have to pay your medical bills. Why do I have such terrible luck?"

Her mascara had run, leaving her with dark circles around her eyes. Something strange stirred inside me, and I realized I might be starting to like her.

After I was discharged, I naturally ended up getting Kristen's number. I brought her food when she was hungry and water when she was thirsty.

After I had spent three years pursuing her, Kristen finally asked me out herself. I thought she had finally been won over, but instead she just touched my face with a bitter look.

"You really do have Lance's eyes. He got married. Will you be with me?"

I froze for a moment. When I came to my senses, I held her hand tight. As long as I could be with Kristen, I was willing to be her backup.

Looking back now, maybe I should never have made myself so small from the start. Five years as Kristen's backup had earned me nothing but her pity and sympathy.

I had made myself so insignificant that she would not hesitate for even half a minute before tossing me aside.

I did not want this twisted relationship anymore.