Anaka

A little over three months since I’ve start my new life on Beldoore. It’s still strange adjusting to the human side of the world. I haven’t shifted since being kicked to the curb. I want to, but Sabrina, my wolf, is feeling the rejection of our family and friends harder than me. She misses her pack and running with the other wolves. Running by myself in the woods where my aunt lives just doesn’t feel right. A lone wolf tends to be a sad wolf. My dad knew that which is why he insisted I stay with him. Aunt Judy didn’t have much of choice other than to let him since he was my father. Not only that but she wasn’t really established on her own yet. She is the younger sister after all. 

I did visit my Aunt Judy because she is the only connection I have to my mom’s family. I would only stay for a night or two. Short trips, but I cherished them. It was different when I was living with the pack and only visiting. Now that it’s reversed I don’t know how I feel about it. Not that I’m sure I would visit my pack and home again with how harshly I was treated after dad died. From a young age werewolves are taught the importance of pack life. Packs are basically what humans call towns. I lived in the Council Pack which is the smallest yet most elite pack on Celeste island. 

For years I wasn’t even sure if I had a wolf. I told myself if I didn’t have a wolf then I would move to Beldoore with Aunt Judy. I knew I was going to get my wolf later than everyone else because I’m a half breed. Most werewolves get their wolf around twelve or thirteen. I was fifteen. A late bloomer as my dad would so lovingly put. I was simply happy to have my wolf Selena. She’s a pretty light grey wolf with hints of white especially on her paws and tail. I wish she wasn’t so down and out, but I can’t blame her. The change hasn’t been easy for either of us. 

Change often sucks even when it’s a positive change it’s not easy. This was a change that was out of my control. I could have stayed, forced them to accept me. I could have gone to another pack. It didn’t matter because it didn’t change the fact that I was rejected by those I thought cared about me. I also don’t know many werewolves outside of my pack. I was always so busy being lost in the false world my dad created. Part of me was angry at him for hiding the packs destine for me. Plenty of pack members didn’t like that I was half breed. There is the unspoken rule not to knock up a human with a pup. It’s there for several reasons. Once being human women struggle to carry a werewolf pup that was proven with my mom, and it cost her her life. My dad broke a sacred rule when he knocked my mom up. He covered it up to me making me believe that I had acceptance when it was never there in the first place. He designed my life, so I wouldn’t have to know how unliked I was. Reese enjoyed peeling back our dad’s sugarcoated world that he had built for me. It was a harsh reality. 

The truth is, I need to lick my wounds away from pack life and my brother. As well as my fake friends. I want to find a life that I create for myself. I have emotions I need to sort out. Betrayal is a hard pill to swallow. I gave so much of myself to the pack, to my family, to my friends. I was selfless and did everything they asked. They took advantage of me while pretending to be my friends. Reese’s betrayal hurts the most because he is my brother. He should be on my side, protecting me. Instead, he was part of my pain. Especially after we just lost our dad, he knew I was vulnerable. He knew it would hurt the most to rip my world to shreds while I was grieving the loss of our father. Reese knew exactly what he was doing when plunged the knife into my back. They all did. 

Robbie hurt pretty badly too because I gave him virginity. I thought we were in a real relationship. I’m more disturbed that Robbie and Blossom hid their real relationship from me allowing me to buy further into the fake relationship. Robbie was only pursuing me because dad wanted us to be mates. Robbie and Reese both so an opportunity to set up a devious plan that would leave me heartbroken. Again, they knew what they were doing. 

I push the pain of betrayal aside and focus on rolling my ass out of bed for work. I don’t love my job, but I do love that I get to sing. I never really got to use my talent around the werewolves. Dad supported me, though. Paid for voice lessons. I think he thought my beautiful voice and talent with music covered up the fact that I was a half breed. Music has been my comfort in my grief. I’m not just mourning my dad anymore, but the life I used to have, the loss of my brother and friends, and my pack. It’s a lot to loose all at once, so I’ve turned to my music. I’ve been composing songs like a wild woman with no direction. I even saved and got a key board to help with composing songs. I learned to play several instruments. Music has always been my sanctuary, I just wish it made me money so I could support myself better in this new world I’m attempting to build. 

Reese took all of the money our dad had. He gave me just enough to get a boat ticket to Beldoore, and some money to get me started while I found a job. Thankfully, Aunt Judy lined up the entertainment manager gig I have. I like being able to perform my songs and find away to express myself. I don’t mind planning bingo, movie nights, or other activities for the residents of the care facility. Most of the residents are kind, others are grumpy.  It’s not a bad job, but it’s not my dream job. I never even though I’d have to worry about jobs as I was planning on being a councilmens wife. A life that my dad wanted for me. It wasn’t my choice. There was a time I thought I wanted it too, but that was all under false pretenses. I find myself desiring something else, something more. I haven’t what that something is yet, but I will. I have to believe that I will. I want to be more than what was expected of me. I want to be who I want. I’m simply discovering who I am outside my dad’s influence.