His thick brown locks fell across his forehead as he shook his head, giving him an intriguingly helpless appearance. Before continuing, he said, "Sorry to get off the subject," apologizing to the interviewer, Mark. I have no plans to apologize for the quality of my work. It can stand on its own merits. People either appreciate it for what it is and pay for it, or they don't. Since it sells, many others believe it satisfies a need for amusement. Estel looked surprised by this. It was a statement of fact, but the simplicity of its reality rattled her. When she turned on the TV, the last thing she had anticipated was that Michael Jensen would make her feel better about herself. She hadn't bargained for an introduction to a worldview she'd never thought about before. But again, she had never been broken enough by her own failings to require pity. She had always met her own or anybody else's high standards. As her worldview shifted, she became temporarily bewildered and missed a few seco
“Good morning, Henrick,” she murmured. When Henrick saw Estel, he said, “Morning, Estel.” His keen eyes took in the pallor of her face and the way she nervously twisted a pencil in her fingers. Typical of him, he asked me straight out, “Are you recovered, or have you brought your germs into the office to infect the rest of us?” Estel relaxed a little, a slight grin appearing to brighten her features. It was the other way around, she remarked wryly. “Someone else brought the germs in, and I gathered them up and took them home with me.” Henrick gave a casual shrug. “Part of the job,” he remarked in a callous tone. “At any rate, it saved you from getting your tail chewed royally yesterday. I was in the mood to eat nails.” Estel's eyebrows went up in curiosity as she waited for Henrick to mention Michael. Though she could have followed Henrick there, she was no longer capable of doing so. The sarcastic tone in Henrick's voice was clear as he warned Estel, “Don't look so innocent.” And you
Henrick shook her by the shoulders and laughed, “That will be the day,” clearly not believing her. Then he became serious again and said, “Seriously, Estel, when you first came to work here, you were a little prudish, but you weren't as tight as a clam.” Even after Estel's immediate reversion to cold hostility, he said, “You didn't grow with him, Estel. I can't help but think Peter wasn't good for you.” He said this with a cautious look in his eyes, indicating that he knew he was treading on dangerous ground. He put you in an academic bubble where the outside world was rarely allowed in, and I saw you become more and more narrow-minded as he did. “A poet is supposed to expand people's horizons, not narrow them!” he interrupted the inevitable rejoinder. “Do yourself a favor and reread Peter's poetry, Estel. I think you'll understand what I mean if you still have any sense of objectivity in this situation regarding him.” Estel shot him a cold look, trying desperately not to say something
Lars and Anne Pederson arrived 30 minutes after Estel had bathed Angela and put her in bed so that Dr. Jill could examine her, and it took another half an hour before she could take a shower. Guests agreed it was for the best to leave the house alone after Dr. Jill announced at dinner that it appeared Angela had measles. Lars and Annie were distressed, never having had to go through such an illness with one of their children before, and everyone agreed that they didn't need guests at a time like that. A friendly neighbor couple offered Estel a ride home, and it wasn't until she was about to leave that she realized she and Dr. Jill had never in-depth discussed her health. He walked up to her as she was about to head out the door, having concluded that she would just phone him anytime over the next week to arrange an appointment. His remarks comforted her that he would be a great doctor to have if she hadn't already formed that view. As his full attention shifted to her, he said, "I'm
Estel's secret torment following the abortion lasted for months, although no one except her knew about it. Some of her coworkers and friends were happy with the transformation, especially Henrick Larsen. Still, most people just noticed a little difference from the previous Estel. The new Estel gave him a lot of pleasure since she was tougher, less idealistic, and willing to take on tasks that before would have upset her. If he had known that she had adopted her current stance because she now cared less about her external circumstances, he could have had cause for concern. On the inside, her suffering was all-consuming. The feelings of remorse and doubt began soon after she got home from the hospital. She was weaker than she had anticipated after the abortion. Still, she knew that this was due more to emotional shock than to any actual physical weakness. She had taken off work for a whole week and spent much of it sitting in Central Park, looking sightlessly at the world around her. Th
Estel gazed at him warily, recalling with a start, why she had gone in there in the first place. Had she messed up their relationship by being so open with her emotions? What he must have seen in her eyes, he must have been waiting for her to verbalize. She licked her parched lips, attempting to gather her wits and come up with anything to save her scheme. She scolded herself for letting herself get emotionally invested so quickly in Michael. She may have just messed up the whole affair! "I, I, can wait," she stuttered, hesitating to the door. "I'm sorry to have interrupted you, Henrick." Without meeting the elder man's eyes, she profusely expressed her regrets. When Michael's voice prompted her to turn, she stretched out with a trembling hand to grasp the doorknob. He responded, "Wait a moment, Estel," seeming calmly insistent. She stopped, lowering her head in case there was still evidence of what she had felt for him to see. Michael turned to Henrick, and his voice was calmly ha
She spent the entire afternoon fretting over how she would reconnect with Michael and needed help to get much work done. It had to be done so gently that he didn't guess she had managed things. She might be able to innocently wait for him in the corridor outside of Henrick's office. The problem, however, was that she had yet to learn when he would go. She also dared only keep prancing the hall regularly all afternoon once the proper opportunity came. She could miss him. Then her thoughts turned to a novel she'd wanted to show Henrick. She might reach out to Henrick's assistant, Jennie, and have her give her a call when it appears that the meeting between Henrick and Michael has concluded. If she acted as though it were an emergency, she could reach him before he departed. When Henrick had company, they would always say their goodbyes awkwardly while he waited in the doorway. She had reached for the phone to dial Jennie when Henrick stormed into her office, bare teeth gnashing togethe
As the plane touched down in Aspen, Colorado, Estel couldn't help but feel a flurry of excitement, despite her worries about whether or not she was making the right decision. Since she had never been here before, the experience broadened her perspective on the world. Estel anxiously anticipated Michael's arrival and wondered if he would pick her up. The amount of luggage she had to bring for several months made her resentful, and she thought it was the least he could do to provide her with private transportation to his home. On the other hand, he had been annoyingly evasive about the details of this partnership up to that point. At Henrick's urging, she had rushed into subletting her apartment. Then, she had to keep the new tenants waiting for an entire week while she fidgeted in her office because Michael was slow to confirm the sublet. Just when she had been about to walk out on the whole venture, an envelope had appeared on her desk one afternoon containing a one-way ticket to Asp