Chapter Four: Worry

That monday I go over his words in my head. Selfish? Am I really selfish? I don’t know where these feelings of his have come from. Nor am I certain how to address them. I tried calling this morning before school. But no response. I text him whenever I get the chance. But I also don’t want to overwhelm him. What if he sees my worry as simple nagging. I just want us to be okay. I never thought we weren’t okay. I don’t know what else to do. I haven’t seen him around school.

What am I going to do?

It’s not like he can avoid me forever. Right?

I am at my locker and getting my science book when I see them. Ava and Grace. They are talking together in the quad. I want to approach them. I want us to be friends again. But… is that even possible? After what they have done, I can’t even look at them without feeling some anger. But after only two weeks of not talking I find myself missing them. We have been friends since middle school.

When did it all fall apart?

I don’t know what I did wrong. Why did they betray me in such a cruel way? I did everything I could to be a good friend. Attended every birthday party, celebrated every victory, and cheered them up after every loss. I was there after every break up. And they still turned on me in favor of her. I shouldn’t be surprised. She takes everything from me. But friends are supposed to be there for each other no matter what. I do not know whether I want to get even or win their friendship back or just move on entirely. Hopefully I figure it out soon.

I reach my science class before the tardy bell rings. I put my bag by the desk before sitting down. I try my best not to think about Brandon or my former friends. The minutes feel like hours. I find my eyes constantly drifting to the clock on the wall. When I feel a slight vibration against my leg. My phone. I look at the teacher. Mrs Anderson was a mean old crone. The teacher everybody hates. She doesn’t let anyone use their phone, chew gum, use the bathroom in the first fifteen minutes of class or the last ten minutes of class.

I wait until her back is to me. I take my phone out of my pocket and quickly take a glance. It’s a text from Brandon. I look back at the teacher. Nervous. I put in the passcode. I write a quick response and send it. I put my phone back in my pocket. My pulse is racing like I did a spy mission. But I feel a sense of relief. Brandon finally answered me. And I hope this means that we will be able to talk through this. Especially since I don’t even know what this is about. Or even what started it. Did I really make him feel so insignificant in our relationship?

After school I head to the park in my dingy car. I wait by the gazebo. Vines work their way to the top of its white domed roof. I pace the wooden floor anxiously. 3:15 comes and he is still not here. I text him asking where he is. As the minutes go by the more angry I become. He knows that I have a limited window to get home. I can only blame the traffic for a reasonable amount of lateness. I send another text. Still no answer. Now I’m pissed. I leave the gazebo as angry tears fall down my face. I swipe them away as they come down. I get in my car and drive off. I blast my music to drown out my thoughts.

By the time I arrive at the house it’s 3: 45. As soon as I get inside I head to my room. I pull at my hair. Fighting the urge to scream. I still can not believe he stood me up. What kind of joke is he playing? He knows I am worried sick, I have been texting him nonstop. What is going on? Is he tired of me? No. That can’t be right. Our fifth anniversary is right around the corner. I am over-thinking it. He’ll come around. He has to. Or else I don’t know how I’ll survive in this false family.