Chapter Five: Out of place

Five days. Five days since Sunday. Five days of no calls or texts from Brandon. I still have two classes left. I sit in English class drumming my pencil on my desk. I ignore Ava and Grace's looks and snickers as they gossip. I know it’s about me. I see it in their quick glances. When I first entered the class Ava asked me “how is your boyfriend doing?” in a mocking tone.

I don’t know how they know. Maybe Miracle overheard me calling Brandon multiple times and figured it out. She always sticks her nose in my business. That's the only logical explanation. Unless… Brandon told her. No. Impossible, Brandon wouldn’t do that. He knows how badly Miracle treats me. He said it himself “I would never want to meet such an awful girl”. That was after I finally confessed to the abuse I faced at home. Though I didn’t know it was abuse before that.

Brandon was appalled at how my family treated me. I told him it was no big deal. He told me that what they were doing was abuse and that I deserved far better than a family that treats me worse than garbage. I was upset. I was mad at him.

“What did he know?” I thought at the time. It wasn’t until later that night I realized he was right. It was abuse.

That's when I started planning my escape. I started working doing online photoshop and graphic design. I used my parents credit card to buy the certification course. They owed me that much. I used free graphic design and photoshop apps. I opened an account with a bank online. However, since I was not eighteen I needed a parents or legal guardians permission and have it be a joint account. So, I used my mothers card, if there is one thing I can count on, it's her inability to check her bank details.

Once I turn eighteen I plan on making my own account and transferring the money. Five more months. Then I am free. When I enter the house my mother and sister are hurrying around. My mother notices me first. “Ruby, hurry up we got to go” she shrilled. I am tired of her constant shrilling. Sometimes I wonder whether that’s just the natural sound of her voice. “Go where?” I ask. She looks at me as though I am the dumbest creature alive. “To the mall of course” she scoffs.

The drive there was… harrowing. It felt like I was invisible. Except for when they took not so subtle jabs at my appearance. They said I was plain, unkempt, and my clothes were frumpy. Miracle said I was a “nerdy loner that had no friends”. And that caused my anger to flare, but I held my tongue. I could have snapped back. Said that she was a shallow “popular” girl that had fake friends and couldn’t tell the difference between there, they’re, and their. A pathetic hazbin waiting to happen, a future housewife that does nothing but scroll on i*******m.

When we arrived at the mall we immediately went to Windsor. The dresses were fancy and sparkles were everywhere. They were all so beautiful. But… I never felt like I deserved to wear something so expensive or beautiful. Being here makes me feel more out of place. Miracle takes her time looking through the racks. Putting her arm against each dress that catches her eye to see if it looks good with her complexion. “Mom, do you think I should go for a short dress or a long dress?” Miracle asks. “Well honey, you look good in anything you wear” our mother coos.

Miracle flashes her a sweet smile. “Thank you! You're the best mom a girl could ask for” she says in full sincerity. But as our mother gushes, Miracle looks over at me and smirks. It was a deliberate attack. It stings. That much I admit.

I wish it didn’t hurt. But it does. I have a mother, but having Sheila as a mother makes me wish I didn’t have one at all. She always makes me feel so small and insignificant. Like I don’t belong in this family. They all make me feel like I am out of place. Out of place at school. Out of place at home. Out of place in my own life. What if I never find the place where I belong? The place where I am not out of place, where the people there will treat me with respect I deserve.