I Don’t Have It In Me

~~ LUCIAN ~~

My strides were fast as I almost caught up with her.

I stopped short when she took a sharp turn into the kitchen, returning with a glass of water.

I watched her take a deep breath, plastering a bright smile on her face before she walked in.

She was probably nervous, thinking Rhea was her future mom.

My chest tightened in empathy.

I didn’t want her to turn out like me.

Getting used to the fear of rejection.

I needed to clear the air, and it was either now or never.

I walked over but decided to listen when their voices drifted to me.

“Hi, I’m Lily. My dad’s busy, so I’m here to make you feel at home.”

“Your dad?”

“Yeah. Actually, Dad never brings anyone home. It’s so lonely and boring. I’m just excited there’s another girl in the house.”

Rhea didn’t respond.

“Your dad is Lucian.”

“Yup."

“How old are you?”

“Ten. My eleventh birthday is next month. Dad says I can have some friends over.”

Rhea went quiet again.

“Do you have any kids?” Lily asked.

Panic jumped in my chest, and I quickly walked in.

“One. I have a kid. A boy," Rhea said, and our eyes met at that same moment.

They looked sullen. Almost dead.

She turned her focus back on Lily, her gaze longing.

She must be missing her son.

“Hey, honey. Give me that." I gestured for Lily to pass me the tray.

“I’ll take it from here.”

She pouted at me, her face falling as she handed it back.

“We were having girls talk. Boys shouldn’t be here.” She said.

I leaned in and kissed her on the forehead.

“You’ll do that later. Go up to your room for now. Let her rest."

Lily sighed before nodding.

“Ok, Dad."

She turned back to Rhea,

“Bye. I’ll be around if you need me.”

Rhea managed to nod before speaking.

“I’m Rhea. My son’s name is Kayon.”

Lily’s expression brightened up, enjoying this new information.

“Rhea, I’ll show you around the house and you can bring Ka—“

“Lily.” I cut in, giving her the look.

She sighed.

“Fine. You win.”

Her shoulders slackened in defeat before she disappeared through the door.

The moment the door shut behind us, I realized Rhea had gotten into the shirt I'd left her.

They looked oversize, swallowing her figure as she looked down at her hands.

“You have a daughter now. She’s gorgeous.”

I settled on the couch next to the bed where she was seated.

I offered her the glass of water, which she took, her grip tightening around it until her knuckles went white.

“I turned my phone on. The whole internet is blowing up with news of their engagement. My son is in the middle of everything.”

She didn’t meet my eyes.

She hasn't done so for once since I brought her back here.

I caught her phone lying beside her.

It was unlocked.

A video was playing on the screen, so I reached for it and watched.

“Meet My New Family xxxx My stepson is the cutest." Hannah’s I*******m post read,

"Having a great time with my boys!" with a selfie picture of her, Henry, and Kayon eating at the table.

My eyes went back to Rhea.

Her fingers trembled around the glass.

“What do you want to do?”

“Do you think I was a bad wife and a terrible mother and I didn’t know the whole time?"

“Maybe I’m all those things Kayon called me. I can’t make people happy.”

She placed the glass on the nightstand, untouched.

She stood up, crossing the room to the window, and I got on my feet too.

“Maybe I thought I was so perfect. That's why everything went wrong. I should have done better.”

I placed her phone back on the bed, watching her pace.

She snatched her phone back up, scrolling through it with a shaky thumb.

Then she moved closer, holding her phone up and showing me a video.

“Look at this. Hannah’s feeding my son cheesecake with peanuts."

"He's allergic to—"

"He's..." she gasped, clutching her chest and bunching the fabric in her fist as she fought desperately to breathe.

I slipped the phone out of her hand, throwing it into my pocket.

“Breathe. Riri.”

I held her close, slowly running my hand down her back to calm her down.

“Lucian. My Kayon is allergic to peanuts, and she’s feeding my baby. Please help me save him.” She wheezed, like she was hyperventilating.

I guided her back to bed, making her sip some water before her breathing came back to normal.

“She’s feeding him that, and he looks okay. He's totally fine without me. He didn’t need to go to the hospital.”

“That means I’m the problem.” She sniffed.

"No, you’re not," I said.

She leaned in, resting her head on my shoulder.

She pressed her face into my arm as a whimper escaped her lips.

“Then tell me why people I love always leave me.”

“Dad died after I abandoned him. I deserve all of this. The Pain. I deserve to rot in hell.”

Her words knifed my chest because I knew none of that was true.

She had no idea how she lights up every room she walks into.

She breathed life into people. She healed me.

Undermining her own value like this was selling herself short.

I wish she knew that.

“Cry. Feel. Don't hold back.”

Her sobs increased.

Then she trapped my shirt in between her teeth as she bawled her eyes out.

“When you’re done, I’ll help you walk on your two feet.”

“I can’t. I don’t have it in me.” She sniffed.

“You do. You just don’t know it yet.”

And I was going to show her.

I patiently waited for her to collect herself.

And she did.

After a few minutes.

She managed to regain her composure as she sat next to me on the couch.

“Take me to Dad's grave. I miss him.”

“Cain will take you there. When you’re ready.”

She raised her brow.

“Ready? Ready for what?”

I stood up, strolling to the window and watching thousands of lights glow across the city.

“You’re not allowed to mourn him or visit his grave till you prove worthy of the Rossi name."

She got up, inching closer to me.

“I know I made mistakes in the past. I broke Dad's heart, but he’d never put up this kind of condition for me.”

I turned to her, folding my arms across my chest.

“That’s exactly what I thought."

“But his will says otherwise," I added.

“How do I prove myself worthy?”

“Take over Rossi Group. Prove you can run the family business within a year and you’ll get access.”

“But I don’t know anything about business. I didn’t finish because—“

“I know.” I cut in.

She looked away, biting her lip in regret.

She had to drop out of college because she got married.

Henry finished, but she didn’t.

“What’s Cain saying about this?”

“He’s in on it too.”

She rubbed her neck, sighing.

“Is there a way out of it? I only want to get my son back and get out of this place.”

“Start over. With my son.”

“But he’s with his dad.”

She held out her hand.

“My phone.”

My jaw clenched slightly, but I hesitantly returned it to her.

She dialed a number, and the person picked up on the first ring.

“Hello, this is Kayon’s mom. 4th Grade, Yes. I’ll be picking him up tomorrow. His dad’s busy.”

I could barely make out their conversation, but I heard the last few words of whoever it was on the other end.

“Appropriate actions are being exercised. Your son’s statement proves you’re not a safe mother and your negligence has caused him that allergy."

“My son’s statement? Against me?”

“Based on past medical reports on Kayon, his health is at risk. We’re sorry to inform you that you’re not authorized to pick him up until further notice."

She let out a short, bitter laugh, ruffling her hair.

“My son would never say that. Where’s the evidence that he did?”

“We’ve forwarded the audio clip. Please listen and confirm for yourself, ma’am.”

She ended the call and quickly clicked on the audio clip.

“Mom adds peanut butter to my food anytime she’s mad at Dad. It makes me sick and itchy, but she doesn't care.”

Rhea's hand went over her mouth as her grip around the phone tightened.

She faced away from me, her shoulders slumped.

"What do I need to do to get everything back?"

"Business school. In France. I have everything set up. You're starting over again."