A Confused Man

It was uncomfortable…

And yet, I didn't mind him leaning at me. "…I was really upset back then. Cami broke up with me just because she had to transfer to abroad." He began to talk and further lean closer on my neck that I can feel his long eyelashes on my skin.

"I thought she was everything I could ever hope for, and that my life is finally complete, but she… left me."

"Y-Yeah, I-I'm sorry about that." I said, feeling uneasy when his arms suddenly wraps my waist.

"I was devastated. When Cami left, I feel like there's no sense in living in this world without the woman I love. But you were there beside me the whole time." He looks at me with his drunked eyes, I can smell the strong scent of the alcohol he drank earlier.

"It really touched me when you were there the whole time, to the point that I got confused and realize what was going on inside my head. Yuji… Yuji, I like you."

'Dug dug, dug dug' I can feel my heart beating so fast from hearing Toma's words. I wasn't expecting this any sooner--no, I shouldn't have expect this at all. We're both guys and... I mean, who would've thought?

Though something doesn't feels right.

"Toma… you're drunk." Yeah, how can I forget that? That should've been on my mind when this started. I shouldn't take a drunken man's words seriously.

"But I'm not that drunked, I needed this so I can gather up my courage to confess to you."

"Toma!…"

"Yuji, I really like you! So please, continue staying by my side. I need you." He buried his face on my shoulder and hugged me real tight.

"Toma, stop this, you're just drunk and confused. You should lay down on your bed and get some rest." I told him while trying to get him off of me.

"No! I'm not just drunk and confused. Seriously, I like you Yuji!"

"Stop being so stubborn and go to your bed!" I yelled back at him.

"Why can't you just accept my feelings!?" He yelled again.

I sighed, seeing this one coming. Toma has always been this pushy--

"We're both dudes! Everyone's gonna laugh at us for doing shit like this."

"I've seen your face when you saw me with Cami, when you avoid me when I talk about her after I broke up with her, and why you blushed so hardly when I accidentally kissed you! And just now, I can hear the loud beating in your chest." --especially when he got concrete proof so he can get what he want.

"That's ridiculous!"

"I'm not stupid nor dense, I know how you feel about me!"

"Though you can't just force yourself like that!" I told him.

He stops when he realized what I've just said. He let go of me and backs away. "Right. This will never work out." His face darkens at his thoughts, then turn his back on me. "I'm sorry. Just forget this ever happened."

When he finally got out of my sight, I let out a heavy sigh. It all feels so weird now, and my heart can just jump out of my chest from beating so hard. It was embarassing to think that my heart was beating so loud that Toma heard it. "Ugh…" I sat on the cold tiled floor.

"Why did we ended up like this?" I asked myself, trying to remember all the things that happened between Toma and I.