Landslide

Lya

'Hey,' a voice echoed through my head. I ignored it. Everything was so dark and disjointed. I had no perception of what was going on. 

'Hey,' it repeated. It was a feminine voice. Flowy and soft, but also demanding respect and to be heard. 

'What?' My own was groggy and cracked. 

'A thank you is in order,' she said.

'And why would I do that?'

'For taking over and protecting your ass when you would never return the favor,' she scoffed. 

I had no idea what was going on. I felt completely out of my own body. That feeling intensified as images from the past started to come into focus. 

'It doesn’t have to be this way,' she whispered softly. 

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I sat in my old childhood bedroom. It must have been late, because the curtains were drawn and a lamp was on. I looked on at a younger version of myself, smiling and giggling to herself. 

I remembered this night, this conversation. I had just turned 15 two months ago, and my wolf had shown up just in time for my birthday. The voice had come a couple months before that. 

When the voice initially showed up, I was wary. I was certain I was just crazy. I didn’t tell any of my friends, and certainly not my mother. The only person I mentioned it briefly to was my younger sister. She was enthralled, and wanted to know every detail. I kept it short, though. Just a friendly presence; a constant companion. She didn’t have a name, at least not one she had told me.

The night of my first shift, the voice warned me that a change was coming, encouraging me to find somewhere alone. She said most people wouldn’t understand, and it’d be better if I was by myself. She told me it would hurt, but it’d be brief. She said she would manage as much of it as she could. 

She was right. The pain was excruciating, and I screamed as it felt like every bone in my body was breaking. When I opened my eyes and looked around, I saw paws instead of hands, fur the same color as my auburn hair, and when I turned, I saw a tail. The tail was the thing that really set me off. I had a tail. A big, fluffy tail. 

Before I could really truly freak out, the voice jumped in. 'This is us, Lya. I am your wolf. I am a part of you just as much as you are a part of me. We will always have each other.'

That reassurance and acceptance warmed me. Everything would be okay. My life was a little in shambles with my dad recently disappearing and puberty just being hell for any highschool kid, but I would always have this. No matter how bad things ever got. 

'Keep this secret,' my wolf implored. 'When the time is right, I’ll let you know when it’s safe to tell others.' 

'Are there others like us?' I had asked.

She chuckled. 'All in due time, you will know.'

I didn’t know how to see my wolf. She was like a mother figure, a sister, a mentor, and a best friend, all rolled into one. 

But this night she had brought me to - that’s the night that everything changed. We had been talking about a boy, Sutton, who I had the hugest crush on. He didn’t even know I existed. My wolf insisted he wasn’t worth my time and energy, that we will know when the one comes along, but he wasn't it. Just wait. 

We heard voices from downstairs. That was unusual, because it was late and both my sister and I had gone to bed. I perked up when I thought I heard my dad’s voice. 

I rushed out my bedroom door and down the stairs, stopping when I saw him in the doorway. 

“Daddy?” My voice cracked. The past year of anger and hurt dissipated. 

He smiled at me. His expression was warm. “Lya.” He held his arms open for a hug, but as I moved toward him, my mom jumped in between us. 

“You do not touch her,” she hissed. “You don’t get to disappear for a year, leave us high and dry with no idea what happened or where you were, then waltz back in and be ‘Daddy’ again!”

He tried to push past her, but she slapped him and shoved him toward the door. 

That was it, that was what had done it. 

The anger bubbled up to a point that I couldn’t even handle. I just wanted to see my dad. I could be angry and seek my own retribution later, but right now, I was just thankful to know he was alive. And he was here. 

A growl rumbled in my chest, and both of their eyes were on me. Soon, they were looking at a wolf standing on the stairs, not their daughter. 

No, I thought. I am their daughter like this, too.

Shifting had become more fluid and there was almost no pain associated with it by this point. My wolf had told me the more experience I got, the easier it would be. I was thankful for that. Although it took me a while to get used to shredding clothes every shift. I had lost some of my favorite outfits because of that. 

I looked out at my parents from behind my wolf’s eyes. It was such a unique sensation, being there but only being a fly on the wall. 

The look of sheer terror on my mother’s face hurt and bit deep. Looking at my father, at the time, I thought he felt the same. The fear in the room was palpable. I could smell it. 

But now, studying his face from this perspective. I saw a flash of something else. Joy? Pride? It was the same look he’d give when he informed me I was the best oldest daughter he had.

But the look was quickly replaced. Sadness, hurt, grief. And with that, he bolted out the door. 

I ran back up to my room. I had loved my wolf with all my heart, but all that dissipated in just a few short seconds. It had made my mother scared, and it had sent my daddy away again.

'You have to go now, forever,' I told the voice.

'Lya, no,' she insisted. 'I can’t. I’m a part of you.'

'Leave.'

She refused. I racked my brain for every bit of werewolf mythology that I knew. Silver. 

The only thing I had made out of silver was a set of jewlery. I rarely wore it, because I got rashes from it. I ran over to my jewelry box and picked up a silver stud. I dug it deep into my wrist and dragged it as far as I could. The blood that seeped out made it slippery and difficult to hold onto. This hurt worse than my first shift. The voice whimpered, crying out in pain. I smiled. It was working. 

'I’ll kill you then,' I told the voice. 

'You can’t kill me without killing yourself, and I won’t let us die,' she choked out, her voice getting fainter and fainter. 

I dropped the earring and grabbed a silver bracelet from the small box. It became a permanent fixture on my wrist. 

The next day, his truck was still in the driveway. Mom had it towed. I never saw him again.

A couple nights later, when out in the backyard, I saw large pawprints in the mud. Just outside my window. 

Over the next three years, my mother and I never once even alluded to that night. She still took care of me, but she wasn’t kind, warm, loving, and involved anymore. She always had a twinge of fear whenever I was around, and that hurt even more than if she would just get angry at me, or tell me how she felt. Just a conversation was all I wanted.

On my eighteenth birthday, I knew exactly the reason why she told me I needed to leave.  

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The images faded and I was back in the darkness of my brain. Alone.

'Yes,' I said, knowing the wolf was listening. She always was. 'It does have to be this way.'