SOUL TANGLE

FLASHBACK. ABOUT SIX YEARS AGO

“Let’s see. I will forget all this ignominy that you have brought upon me and this entire family. I will forgive you, Ayana, if you only tell me that that moron you were shamelessly fooling around with is on the way right now to marry you." My father’s despotic tone echoes, shooting an arrow directly into my bleeding heart.

How I wish that was the case. At least I would leave this house, and he wouldn't have to look at me with this shame and hurt. Ooh, how I wish!

“No, Dad! I am sorry, but there will be no marriage. He won't take responsibility either.” I hiccuped, my face almost sweeping the floor with shame.

I cannot bear to look my father in the eye again. The scorching heat of his breathing on the side of my face is cogent evidence of how enraged he is right now.

My eyes are pools of tears. My nose is all red from blowing it. And my head is a whirlwind of emotions. The shame I am feeling right now is immeasurable. I wish the ground would open up and swallow me right now.

I know I messed up big time. Believe me, it wasn't my intention, because I know just how much my family’s icon and repute mean to us all. But how was I supposed to know that I loved a heartless, shameless, dickhead who did not love me at all? How was I supposed to know that he was only after this cursed thing between my legs?

“Just what have you done, sis? I always warned you about that guy, but you didn't listen. See now what you have done to us. How will people see us now? How will we even face society with this shame?”

And here comes the mocking voice of my baby sister.

Yeah. She warned me. Countless times, freaking yes! And, ooh, yeah, I did not listen. How was I supposed to go against the desires of my heart? I was in love, you know. Can nobody really infer that fact alone and cut me some slack?

But in a sixth sense, I think I appreciate her jeering and my father’s rancor more than the mutism of my mother. She has not uttered a word since I broke the news to them minutes ago. Only God knows what she thinks of me, but I just wish she could at least say a word. Her silence hurts more than anything.

“Then at least tell me you have a plan out of this mess and save us from the embarrassment of being the talk of the nation, Ayana. We cannot afford that! What do you plan to do with that bastard in your womb?”

Shoot me! Wait a minute.

Is that my father speaking like that?

I had to raise my head and gawk at him in disbelief. His eyes are an inferno of rage and loathing. His countenance depicts seriousness. The words did not just erroneously slip from his mouth. He meant to say every single letter he uttered.

But… I infer that this is not the way they would have chosen to become grandparents, but it happened. And there is nothing to change about this whole'mess' as he called it. But through this mess, they are expecting their first grandchild. Shouldn't that at least make them look at this scenario from a different angle?

A bastard?

How can my child, their first grandchild, the great heir or heiress of their empire—how can he call my baby a bastard?

“I have no time, Ayana. What is your plan? Speak up before I lose it all!” He speaks again before I can finish analyzing his facial idioms or digest his unbelievable words.

I take a deep breath, amassing all the boldness in me to exude my willingness to take responsibility for my actions as is expected of me.

“I will raise my child alone, father. My child will..."

He raises a hand to my face, shutting me up. A cold chill cuts through my bones, almost paralyzing me. That is what they expect of me, right?

“I see you have decided to throw your life away just like that, and even though I want to kick you out right now and disown you for disgracing me this way, I am still your father, Ayana. And for the sole reason that my blood runs through you, I will swallow this bitter pill and let you have that bastard, but here are my orders for your shameless actions and staining the name I have built and protected for years.”

I swallow hard, holding my breath as I await my judgement. Everything in the surroundings falls silent, and we all snap at him in awe as he speaks with authority.

“You are forever grounded!!! There is no more college, and not even your shadow should appear in any of the family’s activities or be seen out of this compound. Your face and that of the bastard you are carrying will remain hidden as the disgrace that you are."

Hell just broke loose!

God, please tell me I did not hear any of that right.

The ground I am standing on trembles. It's as if it is being ripped off from under me. I attempt to fix my eyes on him, to try and see whether he is joking or not. But the opaque curtains of tears in my eyes are impairing my vision. I see nothing but blurriness. My whole being is convulsing while his world hangs in my head like a heavy cloud.

Hang on. No! My loving father cannot do this to me. I messed up, yes, but the situation is not this serious, right?

“Dad, I am sorry, okay? I am deeply sorry for what I have done, but please, you cannot do this to me.” I plead, scouring away the tears from my eyes so that he can see the sincerity of my plea.

But as our eyes meet, I can bet on the innocent seed in my womb that my words did not mean anything to him. He has made up his mind and spoken his thoughts. And there is no going back on his words.

I turn to my mom, pleading for her intervention on this, but her glare alone shifts mine from hers. It is crystal clear that she has righted my father’s unjust judgment. I look at my sister, but she gives me the same look as my mother’s. They are all in agreement. Nobody is willing to do anything to help me.

Only I can help myself.

I drag my blurry vision to my father, reaching for his hand to plead with him. But he grips my hand tight, pressing it so hard that I scream in pain.

“Dad! You are hurting me!” I cry out, wincing at the pain.

“This is nothing compared to the pain and shame you have inflicted on me and this family, Ayana. I am so ashamed to even call you my own!” He lets go of me and starts to walk away.

But I am still his daughter despite all this, right? He still has a soft spot in his heart to listen to me and show me a little mercy.

“Dad, please! Do not do this to me. It is not fair!” I howl, and it seems like luck is on my side because he halts in his tracks.

I was not wrong to think that he still has some sympathy and love left for me.

He turns to me, and we rock eyes, mine glowing with gratitude and expectations, but his are an assortment of something I cannot decipher. Something that makes me doubt my take on him stopping.

I swallow hard!

And he speaks, proving me dead wrong!

“I said I could not kick you out, Ayana, but I did not say that you were not free to leave on your own free will. If you cannot take what I am offering, then by all means, the door is wide open. Just make sure you do not take this family’s name the second you step out of that door!!!”

And with that, my father does not even spare me another glance. He turns his back on me, and my mother and sister follow behind him, leaving me to make my own decision: to either leave my home and everything behind and chase freedom, or stay like a prisoner in my own home.

--------------END OF FLASHBACK----------