The sun is kissing the sky, bidding goodbye to the light of day, and ushering in the darkness of night. Another day is gone. Another miserable day is behind me. Unfortunately, I still have no idea when bright days will come my way. The day I break free from this cursed cage.
I spent the whole day banging my head about what my family would be interested in speaking to me about after so many years of treating me like a bad omen. The black sheep. The only stain in their stainless name. Like a stain on gold. But all I managed was to hurt my head because nothing came to mind. And since I knew they were not worth ruining the little peace I have in this cage, I dropped the issue and carried on with my day like I always do—with my paintings and my precious daughter.
One thing was amiss, though. My student is Robby. He did not come for lessons today for the weird reason that I can’t wrap my fingers around. It is the first time that he has missed his lesson since we started. How so? That is what I would love to know. Or perhaps he feels guilty for what he did yesterday. He almost kissed me, his teacher. Weird! That moment is still so fresh in my head, confusing me like it did at that exact moment. That could be the thing eating him up. Or the compromising position in which my sister found us. Or his proposal.
He wants to help me break free from this. How so? I mean, when did he start caring for his teacher that much? He was a different, confusing person at that moment. I am still wondering what he was thinking.
“Mommy?” I am startled from my engrossed thoughts by the sweet voice of my sleepy, chubby doll. My life. My all. This girl is my strength and weakness. All that I have and all I could have ever asked for. She is my solace and all that I need in this life.
I turn to her, scouring all the wrinkles of the incredulities I was bathing in and faking a smile. “Yes, baby?” I ask, pulling the cover to her neck.
“Hasn’t Uncle Robby shown up yet?” She asks, peeling the duvet off her and sitting down while still battling to shake off the sleep that is taking a toll on her. I don’t know why she is trying to fight it. Her eyeballs are almost puffing out.
And this Robby guy—isn't she getting so attached to him? Or maybe because he is the other soul she knows aside from me. Poor kid! May the heavens screw all those who have deprived her so much. This is not fair, but what to do, huh? Sometimes I find myself asking: Would it have been better if I had chosen to leave this home back then when I had that option? Would life be different from this? Definitely, yes. We would have freedom. But how could we have coped when I was drained of every single cent I had in my account? How would I have coped with the pregnancy without a penny or even a roof over my head? We would probably be sleeping on the cold streets and surving on garbage as our daily meals. Then again, is that enough reason to be grateful for the nothingness I was offered?
“Mommy? You are lost. Do you miss Uncle Robby like I do? Why don’t you call him and ask him to come over?” Lyanna speaks again, at least managing to pull me from my thoughts, albeit with a surge of confusion spewing in me.
This child, though! I miss Robby. Where did she get it from? I turn to her, holding her small hands in mine. “Look, baby. Uncle Robby might have his own reasons for not coming in today, and it is already night. We can’t disturb him this late. Let us wait until tomorrow, okay?"
She nods her head, though unwillingly. “Will you call him in the morning to know whether he will be coming? I miss him.” She speaks in a pleading, charming voice.
I smile. She is getting too attached to this Robby guy. I don’t even know if it is a good thing because soon he will complete his classes and leave. What will happen then? She will get hurt, and that is something I can’t bear. It will tear me into pieces. I am not able to provide her with anything as it is. Subjecting her to pain would kill me. “I will, baby.” I mutter, my mind wandering off to that moment when Robby will no longer show up in this cage.
Maybe I should start talking her out of this, Robby? Or talk to Robby to stop showering her with so much affection. He only missed a day, and she is missing him, thinking that I miss him as if he has become part of us. What happens when he disappears for days and then turns into weeks?
She will surely be devastated. I should do all I can to prevent that from happening. But then, wouldn’t I be mean to her? Wouldn’t I be depriving her of another thing? How can I even go about this? Stop teaching Robby.
Robby!
Why is he becoming a problem when I thought he was the second thing tying my sanity together? Can I get him out of the picture? I can do just fine without him as my student, but what about Lyanna? The poor kid has been deprived a lot. He is the only person in her small circle, and she is warming up to him so well. And she is too young to understand the gravity of things. And too innocent.
“Goodnight, Mommy!” She speaks, sliding inside the duvet.
I help her in and tuck her well as she gives in to the unbearable sleep. I kiss her forehead. “Goodnight, my angel. Sweet dreams. I love you. Mommy loves you so much.” I whisper and get up.
How ironical of me to wish her sweet dreams, huh!
Bitter sigh!
What kind of dreams can she have in this stinking cage? What can she dream about if she knows nothing about this life and the world outside? She practically has no life!
I begin strolling to the window, my favorite spot that gives me the serenity to breathe some fresh air and think my endless turmoil through, but a not-so-gentle knock on the door falters the direction of my steps. I would have hesitated because I know Robby cannot come at this time, and so that means it must be that gross sister of mine again, but not at the expense of risking my baby’s sleep being interrupted. Her parents might have sent her back here to come and try to drag my ass to the mansion because I stood my ground. I did not set foot there, and there is no way that I am going there.
I open the door, and my eyes meet with this same old, cold pair.
Who on earth do we have here, huh?
Sorry for the long wait for updates. The book will be updated daily from now on. Enjoy the ride!
"Will you just get out of our way? We did not come here for a stare challenge, Ayana!” My mother speaks after a long decade of pure lull.Of course, my father could not speak because it seemed like he was about to slap me out of their way. His gaze is still the same as that day he made me make a choice. Raw hate. Disgust. Let down. They speak of volumes of the anger he feels towards me up until now. And I don’t think anything will ever bridge the rift that my mistake has created.It hurts so much. Not because I made that mistake. I am neither justifying my naivety nor my stupidity, failing to read between the lines of love and lust. I am just saying that they are being dramatically unreasonable. Their hate for me for that one mistake is beyond bonds, and I don’t get it. It wasn’t that grave, hello? I wasn’t the first one to mess up like that.I shift to my mother, and this one is the worst of all. I have not been able to understand how she can sleep peacefully all night long, knowing
Hello, heaven! Are these games or what? They will let me do all that? Even giving my child their name? They finally want to expose the bad omen that they have been hiding for years. Expose the stain that they have pulled all strings to cover? At the expense of what? I should perhaps be melting with glee and hope, wondering what sort of miracle has been achieved, but, naah! I am not that stupid. When the deal is so enthralling as this one, summon your ninth sense. What is the deal here because I know they cannot just develop some damn consciousness overnight? “I thought, as a loving parent, you should be jumping up and down with the news. This is what you have always wanted for your child, right?” I turn to my mother, then I cruise my eyes around them. Seriously? What do they think of me? What kind of idiot do they think I am? “I am not as stupid as you people think I am. There is more to this sugarcoated offer. What is it? What do I have to sacrifice in return?” I quiz. They trade
I take some safe steps back, driven by shock and the incredulity of what I just heard. I cannot count how many steps, but I am quite a safe distance from these two ruthless animals! A Merger? I am the perfect merger to save their fucking reputation and the damn company, and they are so casually and confidently rubbing that on my face. Me, of all people? The same one they hid for years to protect the same image? How shameless can these people be, honestly? I was tossed into this cell like a nobody. Like a useless pig. Like somebody who did not have any value at all. And now, I suddenly have a value in which they already bargained its worth because I am their supposed savior? I can’t believe the guts! The temerity of these people! Like seriously? I am still finding it difficult to believe that they lowered their stars and came to me for this bullshit. Wow! I commend their guts! I guess this proves just how heartless they are, then. I mean, me, of all people? Why don’t they trade the
Minutes have passed, and I am beginning to relax after managing to calm Lyana down. My left cheek is still burning, and honestly, I don’t even want to imagine how it looks because I feel like the skin is peeling off. However, despite the pain, I have been able to suck the tears back just to pretend to be a strong gem for the sake of my daughter. But I swear, even my head is spinning now from the impact of that slap.And all for what?What earned me that, huh?Because I stood my ground? Because I refused to be traded like a piece of trash? Because I spoke my mind? Well, they might as well go get a gun and shoot me right in the head because nothing, and I mean nothing whatsoever, will make me allow this injustice. I am not bowing to their evil scheme for anything.“Child? Come to…”I grab my mother’s hand and slap it away before she can even touch the hem of my daughter’s dress. Filthy hands! Worthless grandmother! The nerve!I rise up slowly, my teary eyes glued to her. I toss my quive
“The consequences will be severe. I am giving you a day to think this through. Believe me, Ayana, you only have the ugly side of me as your father. You don’t want to push me to the point where I will be forced to renounce you because neither your feet nor your face will find a place anywhere in this world! Think!” Father’s cold but soothing warning resonates in the small distance between our faces, and after speaking, he takes about three long strides and storms out of the room. He perhaps did not want me to argue anymore, to defy him, to dare him, to crash his ego and authority, which he knew I would. A day, my foot! Even if they give me an entire decade to think things through, my answer will still stand. It is a no for me! I will not allow this! “You should…’ I raise my hand and stop my mother from speaking. They did not understand when I said I had no more lectures, did they? I will do what I freaking want. I know what I want. I mean what I am saying. I believe in my decision.
I trace my fingers along the delicate strokes of my latest painting, lost in thoughts. Trying to weigh just how cruel people and life can be. Or is it just my parents who are this cruel? My precious daughter, Lyana, lay asleep, unaware of the weight of the situations surrounding her. The cruelty and misfortunes surrounding us. Unaware of the cruelty of this world. She is so innocent and pure. Nobody has the right to mess with the little peace that she has. And that is exactly what these cursed De’Marios are doing. What if the man they are trying to marry me off to does not accept her? Hello, this is Africa, for God's sake! I know how issues like these turn out in the end. Messy! Ugly! Some turn out messier than you can ever imagine—a child out of wedlock being discriminated against by the family, siblings, and even the father who promised to care for her as their own. God, I don’t want that for my precious girl! Hell forbid! I don’t even know the dog that these people are giving me
“I asked you a question, Ayana! Who is that jerk you are calling on the phone? Whom did you trap in your wicked seduction now?” Cynthia demands, cocking her eyes as if she has any right to question me. Ooh, well, ever since I turned out to be the black sheep of the family, that is how she feels. I stopped being her older sister. She dropped all the respect she once had for me. She hated me, and she still hates me so much. One would think I killed someone with the way I am being treated for something as simple as falling in love with the wrong person. Love is blind, you know! Anyone can find themselves in a pit such as mine when it comes to matters of the heart. But only I have the sense to decipher that in this godforsaken family. And did she call me wicked? A wicked seduction? Whom did I ever seduce? “I never seduced anyone in my life—you sick, jealous, bitter bitch? It is not my fault, either, that no man has looked your way. You might be the wicked one, and your open wickedness is
I am looking at this little bitch I have for a sister, trying to gauge the loath she has developed for me in the span of these few years. Trying to gauge just how shameless and rotten she thinks I am to the point of me making out with a man with my daughter sleeping just across us. And my student? Robby is too young for me, for goodness sake! And even though he was older than me, the fact that he is my student would never allow me to have him in the way that this bitch is insinuating. Whether they believe it or not, I have my dignity intact. I would never succumb to such immoral behavior as fooling around like that. So this, whatever she is culminating to paint me black, is total absurdity! Sacred nonsense! Cheap, pathetic lies! The hell with these people and making me look bad! Then again, explaining to them and trying to justify myself is a total waste of time and energy. They have already painted with all the horrible colors in the world. It will not help. “Think whatever you wa