Ch. 17: Guilt

RIEKA

I was so excited when Drea invited me over for dinner! I feel like I’ve finally found an extroverted friend who doesn’t make me feel like a burden. When she explained that the dinner would be at Aleksandr’s home I was intrigued. I thought over time I would think about him less and just get use to the way I feel in his presence, but the frequency of how much I think about him has actually increased and my feelings towards him continue to grow.

Sometimes he’s so sweet and attentive that I almost think he is interested in me, but then I immediately scold myself for thinking such a ridiculous thing. He is so professional and kind that I think I must be reading too much into things. It’s not like I could do anything about it anyway. Every time I think of him in a non-professional way I'm plagued with guilt.

It hasn’t even been a year since my husband’s death. If I really loved my husband, I would not be entertaining these ridiculous thoughts about another man so soon after.