I Tried ..........

It's been two weeks since I heard The conversation and If say I am okay, I will be lying. Every night I ruminate and ponder what could have made Ryan turn on me and fail to even say a word of defense in my stead but I just can't seem to arrive at an answer. Being called a sissy is not even that bad since I have been called worse but being called that when a person I trusted with my back is there and he doesn't do anything makes it very painful.

Mom and Aunt Elise seem to have noticed the rift between me and Ryan but they are taking their time in intervening. That's our moms for you. They love at their own pace but when they do strike , it's to hit the nail on the head.

Anyways as classes started , I was immediately chosen as the class president for our class and all the teachers seem to like me which kinda makes the whole Ryan thing little easier. Of course being a teachers pet ain't the most glorious thing but hey I ain't complaining.

Today's morning class is self study and what makes it unbearable is the fact that Ryan is also in this same class. Being with him in the same room is making the bitter bile ok my stomach roil and I am just this close to going and confronting him when Madam Agatha calls me out.

"Mr.Montez please tell your classmates we are going to be having a test in Literature during our class today. Make sure to emphasize that attendence is a must since this accounts for your final grade ."she says while pushing up her glasses as . I just nod and go back in class.

I clap my hands to get everyone's attention and relay the message. Groans and complaints fill the air.

"Let's maintain silence." I say when the groaning becomes a little too much. They listen and then one person raises their hand.

"Ummm Gavin what could she possibly want to examine today? We haven't even studied all that?" Albert, professional back bencher says.

"Well, for the past two weeks we have handled two novels and a play so if your really think she isn't going to or isn't suppose to examine us then that's upon you." I say shrugging. Another hand shoots up.

"What novels are you talking about?" Osbert, Ryan's new bestie asks while smirking at me.

"Well we have handled Twelfth Night for the plays, then we handled Animal farm and Pride and Prejudice." I list them out. We usually have Madam Agatha three times a week and this upcoming lesson will be her last lesson of the week making it the ninth session she is having with us.

Osbert isn't smirking anymore and a twisted sense of satisfaction makes me smile a little until I turn to look at his neighbor and find Ryan looking at me with intense eyes. I arch my brow at him and he pretends not to see me. Must be selective blindness for sure .

After Madam Agatha gives us the test and we are told to go home, I notice that Ryan seems to have struggled with it. He has never liked novels calling them delusions made by people with no jobs .

Home from school is a thirty minute walk and I decide to trek today. Not long after I set of, I chance upon Ryan on the road and I run towards him.

"Hey." I say by way of greeting .

"Hi." he answers back gruffly.

"Did I do something wrong?" I ask him

"Why would you ask that?" he says looking at me for a moment and then quickly looking away

"You have been avoiding me." I say

"Just have a lot on my mind. Don't want to talk to anyone right now." he says

"That's why you couldn't defend me?" I ask and he flinches

"Didn't wanna cause trouble." he finally says after a long while

"Wow. How long would it have taken for you to just say a word in support of me?" I ask my voice breaking

"I said I didn't want to cause any trouble." he repeats and the knife that was already lodged in my chest twists a little more. I feel my eyes watering.

"Why, you used not to fear trouble." I say

"I just grew up I guess ."he says" Also keep your distance from me from now on." he continues to say and that breaks what ever is left of my resolve. I feel a tear fall down my face but I make no move to wipe it. I just turn on my hill and walk home with my back as straight as I can make it. Hearing him telling me to stay away from him after nine years of us being attached at the hip hurts more than I thought it would and that makes this betrayal all the more painful. It makes me think that may be I did something and I forgot or maybe I just wasn't enough for him.