8

Amara

"Sit down," he says to me.

I head across the room to his desk and sit, taking a second deep breath. He puts down his briefcase and takes off his jacket, then comes to sit across from me on the other side of his desk.

Before he can start, a quiet knock at the door.

Leo motions with his hand for them to come in.

Precious comes into the office with our coffees. She informs Leo that Stewart is in my office and leaves.

I encircle my fingers around the warm cup.

"It's a fairly standard arrangement," says Leo, sipping his cup. "You will take care of my diary and whatever else you get in your way day by day. You've had it before, so I'm not going to be insulting your intelligence by walking me through every point of what's involved, but if you've got questions just interrupt me whenever." He swings the monitor on his desk around to display the screen. "This is our computerized diary system. It's one of Jess's babies, so if you find any hitches, she's the person to turn to, but I've never known any of her features to malfunction." He clicks around in the system, showing me how it operates.

It seems simple enough, and I think I can cope with using it.

Leo opens his upper drawer and gives me a red leather-bound diary. "Call me old-fashioned, but I prefer a paper copy of everything in this schedule as well. It doesn't matter how much something is backed up—if our systems crash, I need to know where I need to be and when."

"That makes sense," I say. This is the first time I've ever spoken to him, and I'm relieved that my voice sounds like mine. I take a sip of coffee so Leo won't notice the look of relief on my face.

"I'll have one of the secretaries give you a tour of the building later today, so you can start getting your bearings," Leo says.

I nod.

He smiles. "You're awfully quiet," he says. "But I'm going to bet that won't last. I'm not one of those managers who requires everyone to grovel and be afraid to speak their mind. I like tough people who will call me out when they need to, and I like people who have ideas and who will come in and talk to me and pitch me things. Will that bother you?"

"No at all, Mr. Joe." It's strange calling Leo Mr. something, but especially Joe, a name that I never quite do associate him with.

"It's Leo," he insists.

"Ok," I assent.

"Do you have any questions?"

How come you don't remember me after all the years you spent tormenting me? "No," I say. "I'm sure I'll pick it up as I go along, and if anything comes to mind, I'll be sure to tell you."

"Sounds good," he says.

I simply can't wait to be out of this office. Though I think I'm doing okay, and I'm positive that I'm not showing how scared I am—I'm a bag of nerves in here, just waiting for the penny to drop. For Leo to remember who I am and fire me or mention the past again and again.

I stand up to get up, but Leo gestures me back to my seat.

I sit down, already grudging to be having to comply now.

"Wait, Amara," he tells me. "Before you go, I want to talk with you about something." He drinks a little coffee, places the mug back on the table, and stands up.

I stand here waiting as he rises and stands in the window and looks out over the city. It is such a prolonged silence I'm starting to think that I must have misinterpreted and was supposed to be leaving his office when he speaks.

"I know you remember me. I wasn't sure at first, but you do, don't you?"

I wish to deny it. In order to be able to play it cool and then end up surprised when he informs me who he is, but I don't think I can. If I can make him think that I'm lying about not remembering him, he will realize for certain the extent to which his behavior troubled me, and how it continues to haunt my mind, all these years after. "I remember you," I tell him calmly. "I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure you would remember me."

He turns to me, facing me. He doesn't go back to his chair. Instead, he sits on the broad windowsill as he studies my face. "I do. And I want you to know that I'm not proud of the way I treated you then."

I shrug. "It was a long time ago. We were just kids."

"I know. But I was old enough to know better. I'm sorry, Amara. Really, I am. I was an asshole. I want you to know you have nothing to fear from me, ok?"

"It's fine," I say calmly. "Let’s be honest, maybe if I had noticed you existed before you started having to act like an ass, none of it would have happened." I give him a clipped smile as I say it. I notice some of the spark goes out of his eyes, and his shoulders slump slightly. It’s exactly the effect I was going for. I wanted him to think I hadn't meant anything to him as a kid, that I hadn't even known he existed. But now that I've done it, it doesn't make me happy like I thought it would. It makes me feel awful. I think about how many times Leo made me feel awful. About how many lunch periods I spent locked in the bathroom crying. It should work, but it doesn't.

"Is there anything else, or shall I start?" I ask gruffly, trying to push through the discomfort.

"That's all," he says, gathering himself. He gets up from the windowsill and smiles at me as he sits back down in his chair. "Don't forget, I'm just next door if you need anything. Welcome to Baze, Amara."

"Thanks," I reply, standing up. I practically run out of the room, feeling Leo's eyes on me the whole time.