Kapitulo 3: The Other Woman

Gritting my teeth as I forced the pain shooting from the sole of my foot at the back of my head, I turned my back and speeded towards the door. I do not want to hear what Patricia wanted to say, I don’t have the courage to face the worry flickering inside her eyes.

From this instance, I knew how much of a coward I am.

Chasing the thought away, my mind wanders towards a man’s doting silhouette from my memories. Releasing a deep sigh from my lungs, my grip on the paper bag tightened. Inside lays the lunch box I prepared for my husband.

I hope he will like this. 

Just then, the four-wheeled vehicle came to a halt. Mustering a sweet smile on my lips, I straighten the wrinkled part of my skirt –from sitting on the seat- before heading towards the front desk.

Martin works in an entertainment company as a manager. He was always busy. So, sometimes he tends to forget to eat his lunch. Martin is very dedicated when it comes to working. He is a workaholic, always placing his utmost focus on whatever he was working with, which makes me adore him more. 

"Good morning, ma’am is that for Sir Martin?" asked the woman sitting behind the front desk immediately snapping me out of a momentary trance.

I forced an even brighter smile on my face and gave her a nod, while raising the paper bag for her to see, as I muttered, "Yes, he left it at home. Is he busy? Can you help me with this?"

The man beside her squint at the bag and to his colleague standing just beside him. The two exchanged glances.

My smile almost drop at their awkward behavior. Why do they look uncomfortable?

“Am I troubling you, perhaps?”

The man broke the uncomfortable silence and reached out. 

"Ah, no ma’am it was no trouble at all. Rest assured I'll give it to Sir Martin, later."

Despite the doubt lingering inside my chest, I nodded and handed the simple brown-colored bag to him. The man reach out, however, before he could touch it, the girl hurriedly pushed the paper bag back. My brows creased. 

"Oh, it’s like this, Mrs.  Giller, why don't you personally give this carefully prepared lunch to Sir Martin? After all, you are already here, so why not visit him too, this way you both can exchange a word or two to each other? I'm sure he will be pleasantly surprised."

My eyes inadvertently glance at the woman’s hand as she mindlessly twists her ring. Shrugging their odd interaction aside, I mulled over her words.

As I listen to her, an indescribable urge to see him suddenly sprout inside my chest. Why have I not think about that?

Her idea seems feasible.

She is right we can eat together too and mend our relationship back. I prepared a lot of food and it is enough for two adult to eat.

"That would do. Thank you."

"Alright."

The two exchange looks again but before I could ask, the two coincidentally have to deal with a group of people.

My lips subconsciously pursed, I don't know why, but my heart was pounding loudly against my chest. Beads of sweat formed on the skin of my palm. I suddenly felt a little nervous.

Would Martin be pleased to see me?

Every step I made makes my heart thump painfully fast. I took a deep breath as the elevator opened. Will I really surprise him? Maybe I should have brought more food before coming here. My lips hooked in anticipation.

I dug my phone from my handbag, a bit eager to search for his number on my contact. I tap his name and hit the call sign. However, a monotonous voice sounded from the other line, "Hello, this is Martin Giller. Please leave a message."

He's still busy with his works, he must be tired.

Thinking about the slight knot that would form on his brows whenever he is tired made me smile.

I can't explain how excited I am. At the same time there is this nagging feeling deep inside me. Silently pushing me to turn my back and leave. Something is telling me not to go and stop myself from going further. 

Shrugging the odd sensation back, I tried to give him a ring again, but it was futile.

On my way I only met a few workers. They are probably going to get their meals. This is not the first time I have been to his office. I shrugged the uncomfortable feeling off and headed straight to his office. Maybe I'm just being overly excited.

Once I reach his office door, I took a deep breath as I slowly pushed the door open. However, what greeted my sight is an empty room. No one is sitting behind the black wooden table.

I tried to call his phone again. There was a buzzing sound on his table. Astonished, I took it.

It was Martin's.

"He left his phone?"

I looked around. Even his assistant and secretary are not here. My eyes then landed on the partly open door. It was leading to a small comfort room. There was a faint rustling sound that slips between the doors gap. It must be him. Suddenly my chest throbbed with apprehension.

How should I face him? Do I have to act like nothing happened? Or maybe I must make my stance clearer regarding our issue.

Without thinking my feet began to move towards it.

But all the words that I'm prepared to say, died inside my throat, refusing to come out no matter how horrible my brain was turning.

"Martin ..."

It was as if I had been slap square in the face. My mind refuses to believe my eyes. My chest hurt. It feels as if someone is tightly squeezing my heart, toying with it until it collapse and died from exhaustion.

My mouth parted open yet not a word was spitted out.

Kneeling in front of Martin is a familiar looking woman, Nadia -his mistress. The woman who he claimed to be his friend. 

Nadia was eagerly moving her head up and down. 

Martin was leaning on the wall supporting his weight. His hands tightly griping her hair with his lips agape. Muffled groans echoed in the four corner of the room before disappearing into silence.

Tears threatened to fall from my eyes. I bit my lips hard enough to bleed. But I felt nothing.

Why is it like this? I thought I was done crying? I even bravely concluded that I was numb.

But I was wrong. Because the pain has grown its roots inside my heart. It hurts every time I look at his picture being intimate with another woman. There are times when I choose to act as a deaf when everyone is screaming about his adultery. I never cared when people starts pointing their fingers at me. 

I often closed my eyes to the possibilities of him sleeping with a woman besides me. That way it will just sting for a moment for as long as I believe that it is nothing but a rumor, my heart will forgot the pain and will be alive again.

Now, how can I act the same? Because it hurts so much that I wanted to scream and dash over them to hurt the both of them until my heart stops screaming from agony.

I want to confront them. I want to criticize their morality. I want to hurt them like how much they have hurt me. However, I cannot. I can't give up on the little ties that binds our marriage, the memories we have shared.

My knees felt weak. Tears streamed down my face. 

I don’t know how I got out of his sinful office. I ran out of the building as fast as my legs could. Trying to forget what I had just witnessed.

I entered the car -which I have used the other day when I slapped Nadia- while tightly holding onto my phone. Funny, how I find it thankful that I left this here.

My hands are trembling as I turned the ignition on with my other hand. My foot stepped on the accelerator and sped away. As if being chase by a ghost. I feel empty. I don't know what to feel anymore. As if, nothing matters anymore.

Endless tears flowed down my cheeks, dying the powder-coated skin with salty fluid. So, this is how it hurts.

The big lies that I have fed myself with bursts catching me off guard, that no matter how stubborn my chest is, I could not deny the fact anymore. I knew that I’ve been deceiving myself for a long time, just to alleviate the sadness and fear that bounds my sanity away.

I just can’t understand, what have I done wrong?

Everybody deserves a second chance, but nobody deserves to be cheated on, again and again.

Because deep inside I know that once I let go, whatever we used to have will never return on how it used to.

The phone vibrated against my palm. I slide the call using my shaking finger.

"Patricia ..." 

My voice broke.

"Helga? What happened?"

Endless tears keep pouring down my cheeks. 

"I saw him, together with Nadia. He used to be sitting by my side. Patricia it hurts! I don't like this feeling anymore! It hurts so much!"

"He's with his mistress? Oh God, calm down Helga, where are you? I will go pick you up, wait are you driving? Listen to me, stop the car and tell me; where are you? Don't do something stupid!"

"No! You do not understand! Patricia, I am tired. I'm so tired! I want to rip my heart out and let him see! How much he broke me!" I screamed in frustration.

My sight turns blurry. Sobs after sob escaped my lips. 

"How could he? How could he!"

My lips twitched into a bitter smile.

Suddenly, a loud screeching sound echoes just beside my ear. I was momentarily stunned. My mind went blank.

However, it is too late for me to pull the steering wheel away, my eyes widen. My body roughly slammed towards the other side. My head hit the window.  Pain erupted from my flesh. There is a throbbing ache coming from the side of my head. The phone slipped out of my grasp.

The words I am supposed to say never got out of my throat, but it remained buried in my heart.

'I'm sorry, but I’m tired Patricia, I just want to die.'