Submissive, Brat or Slave?

“He has been arrested. I kicked the door open and saw him standing with the gun, waiting. I jumped to the side, and he fired.  I had no idea Marcus was behind me. I heard the shot. I heard his body as it slumped to the floor.” I feel my heart break, break for Jackson, who blames himself so much, and break because Marcus is gone.

“I chased after him; I nearly killed him, the sight of Marcus on the floor was plaguing my mind like a cancerous cell, spreading too quickly to control.  I lost control. I kept hitting him. Everyone pulled me off him.  I was ready to kill him, ready to commit murder right there. Max will walk away from this. He might be locked up, but he doesn’t deserve his life.”

I never thought I would hear of Jackson losing control. I feel that there is more to this than he is saying.  What had he done to Max? Because I feel like he is still hiding something.

“You are not to blame. Max is the only guilty one. I am so sorry, Jackson.” My arms wrap around him, trying to comfort him, but it seems like it is failing.

“I went back to Marcus. I couldn’t stop the bleeding, there was too much blood, and it went too deep.  He passed out, started shaking and wouldn’t wake up. In the ambulance, he was on monitors and everything. He went straight to surgery.  He is now on life support, and they said there is basically no chance of him waking up. I had to watch his wife break down in tears as they told her.”

I am confused. Is Marcus dead or still on life support?  Surely if he is still on life support, there is hope?  I’m not sure if I should ask, but right now, he could be beating himself up mentally, and there may be no need.

“Is he still on life support?” I ask, waiting and hoping that he is, although I get a sense that he is so bad that it will be switched off very soon.

“He was when I left. I couldn’t stay there. The guilt of seeing his wife in so much pain, the fact that I caused it, I can’t do it, Alena. I can’t stand the thought.” His hands grip his head like he is trying to crush the thoughts from his mind.

I feel stuck like mud is dragging me in. I’ve no idea what to say, I just know I’ve to say something, and I’ve to find a way out of this mud that holds me in place and keeps me a prisoner from talking.

I grab his hand and guide him upstairs to the playroom. I have no idea what the plan is, but I have to try. I lead him to the bed. 

"Tell me what you need Master, whatever it is, anything at all you can have it." I look at him waiting but he doesn't reply. I feel lost,  unsure of the way forward or a way to help him. I consider all the sides. Deciding to be submissive first.

Getting sorted, I kneel, waiting, but he doesn't even look at me. 

"Sir, your kitten is waiting." My words are quiet, as I try and distract him from his thoughts, but he stays sat in the same place, his eyes never leaving his hands. Deciding I am wrong, and being his submissive right now won't work, I stand and remove everything. 

Walking to Jackson, I pull him from the bed and strip him. Walking into the shower I turn it on and wash him, hoping it does something, to wake him slightly. Even if it is the smallest amount. Yet he stays standing, looking numb and nothing I do seems to awaken him.

I consider been a brat, but even I know right now he hasn't got the mentality to be my tamer, it would just cause him more pain, so all I can think right now is to be his slave. I pull him back through to the room and dry us both. 

Grabbing my outfit, I place the collar on and kneel at his feet, my eyes staying down as I wait, waiting for his order. The order never comes, and I feel like I have no idea how to awaken him. How to stop him from torturing himself?

I feel every part of me breaking for him, how do you fix a broken man who feels he killed his own brother, best friend and closest ally? No training covered this, and nothing I read told me what to do in this situation, but then again, I am guessing Jackson never thought he would face life without Marcus.

I didn't, but it is now becoming a reality.