The car’s passing and splashing the murky water on her was the last straw of a very, very bad day.
Great.
She was already drenched anyway: having forgotten to look at the weather forecast before leaving home that morning, she did not take an umbrella with her. When the classes were over that afternoon, she couldn’t just wait until it stopped raining.
Manu stayed home with a fever today, and she had to check on him. That morning, he’d cried for her to stay, something he rarely (if ever) did.
This image weighed heavily on her mind through the whole day, to the point she didn’t care much about the 10th grade’s insolent behavior or the principal reminding her those kids needed to get higher scores the next semester.
‘As if that isn’t what I’m trying to do.’
But it didn’t depend only on her, and she couldn’t do miracles.
Finally, the bus that took her home reached the stop. The sudden change from the cold wind outside to the mild comfort inside the vehicle made her shudder first.
It was on rainy days like these that she wanted to have enough money to have a new car, then she wouldn’t have trouble going back home, or, like last night, they wouldn’t depend on another person’s goodwill during an emergency. It wasn’t that she wasn’t grateful for Don Ricardo’s help. The García’s friendship and their help over the past years were greatly appreciated.
‘And yet…’
And yet, what little ego she had left was crushed after encountering these situations where she couldn’t solve things by herself.
This was not the life she imagined she’d have.
Valeria descended the bus and walked the few blocks that still separated her from her house. It was drizzling now and the tiny drops of water felt fresh and cool on her cheeks.
At twenty-four, her life ought to be very different from this. Sometimes, when she ran into her old friends (people who’d stopped hanging out with her a long time ago), there was still a pang of regret hitting her hard.
Those thoughts left her mind as fast as they first came because this was the life she chose. Okay, maybe it wasn’t the life she chose, but it was what she’d gotten and after years of mourning for her naive past self, Valeria accepted that sometimes the best one could do was to acknowledge her reality and make the most of what she had.
“Hello! I’m back!”
Her mother was walking out of the kitchen when she entered the living room.
“Look at you, all wet. Go and change quickly, we don’t need two sick people at home.”
“Okay. How’s Manu?”
“Better, the fever is gone. He ate a bit earlier, and now he’s sleeping.”
Thank God.
“Thank you, mom.”
Even now, she had no right to complain, Valeria thought. No when her mom was doing so much for her. Others in her position would have straight out kicked her out, she knew this very well, but her mom didn’t. If she had enough courage to take this path was only because of the one person supporting her those years.
Taking a quick shower and changing into comfortable clothes, she sat on the bed, watching over her son who seemed to be sleeping peacefully.
‘He’s grown so much.’
This realization made her feel a bit guilty. Wasn’t she supposed to be more… present in her child’s life? Wasn’t that how other mothers did? Rosa was able to tell her kid’s feats year by year, month by month. But Valeria was most of the time at work during the past months, and before that she’d divided her time between college and work for years.
Today Manu was in pain, and she could not stay either. Maybe she didn’t want to. Would she even know how to take care of him?
A light kiss on the top of his head, and then she left the bedroom without making any sound.
***
“Delicious.” Valeria praised before taking another mouthful of rice and fried plantain. “Thanks, mom.”
“Do you want more? You look tired, did you have lunch today?”“Yes, of course.” If a couple of empanadas at noon counted… “Don’t worry. We have the school break now, so I can stay home and I’ll eat better. And when Manu gets better I’ll take him out to have fun. Then you can take a break from us, too.”
Her mother just gave her a look.
“Stop saying nonsense.” And then, she changed the topic. “This Sunday, if Manu is feeling better, let’s have lunch at the García’s house. Daniel is coming tomorrow.”
Valeria coughed and her hand tried to reach the glass of juice. Her mother passed it to her.
“How come?”
It was too early, as he usually - no, he always - visited his grandparents in August.
“I don’t know. I think he has a different job now, that’s why he has the time.” If she’d been paying more attention to her mother’s talk during the past weeks, she’d known about this, of course. “Ah, you used to get along so well when you were younger…”
Those days were long gone. Valeria sighed at this sad truth. It wasn’t as if she didn’t like Daniel anymore, but it was different… she was different.
Once upon a time, just the mention of his name or the sight of him would be enough to lighten up her world. Daniel, Don Ricardo’s grandson from the States, came only once every year but his visits were a given.
The first time he came, he was the reluctant twelve-year-old teen who didn’t really want to be there. His mother Penelope, the García’s youngest daughter, had met Daniel’s father when she was very young, and was swept off her feet by the smart-looking Mr. Kim, or maybe it was the other way around. The story usually changed depending on who was telling it. However, since Penelope married and moved away to start her family, her visits had been rare.
Until that year, when Valeria’s mother had insisted she befriended the boy to ‘improve her English’. At first, she’d hated the idea (she wouldn’t even be studying in the language school if her mother didn’t force her to) but later he became her motivation to put effort into learning.
When she remembered how forced the first meeting felt, she’d laugh about it.
“Do you play videogames?” He’d asked.
She had shaken her head but followed with interest the screen. Back then, Super Mario was quite the novelty.
“Want to learn?”
As soon as she had taken upon the offer, they’d sealed the deal to become friends, and although it only lasted a couple of weeks, and she was just a skinny eight-year-old child back then, but she had already known that every year those weeks would be a precious time she’d treasure.
He’d been her first crush.
He’d also been her first love, back in a time when Valeria couldn’t grasp yet what that meant.
Daniel had been this forever unattainable person because he only saw her as a little sister (at best) or like a pet that would entertain him whenever he came to spend some weeks with at his maternal home (at worst).
He was the best of those romantic dreams she once held so close to her heart.
He was her friend, perhaps the only real friend she had in the world.
He was also the only one she’d ever been able to tell her most painful truth.
Ever since then, just looking at him had become unbearable, no matter what her feelings for him had been once. Why did she tell him that? Their friendship was ruined, Valeria had come to understand that during the past months.
Now Daniel was visiting, handsome, funny Daniel, and for the first time this wasn’t the silver lining it used to be.
The summer when she was twelve years old, this truth hit Valeria with force: she was just a flat skinny girl, and Daniel, though always kind and willing to play videogames with her or ride their bikes around the neighborhood, was moving on to different interests. And maybe she wasn’t able to follow him no matter how hard she tried.It was difficult to keep up with someone you only saw once a year, but even more if that person was Daniel, who changed passions as others changed shoes. Just a year ago, he was into chemistry and talked a great deal about his club in school, which also made Valeria put a lot of extra effort into her science subjects (one day she’d understand better the things he tried to explain to her). But now, Daniel had just come back from an exchange year in Italy, where he’d lived with a host family, attended school, and learned yet another language during the past eight
Had she not met him that day would life be any different? No, if she was going to be honest with herself, there had been many chances to avoid Mateo afterwards, yet she didn’t want to. After that first meeting, he was everywhere: at every party, every gathering, at any direction she looked at.It wasn’t something as far-fetched as fate, simply that the world was small enough that you’d end up meeting people who were connected to you in some way. Would she have met and liked Daniel in the first place if he wasn’t the Garcías’ grandson?Mateo was Camila’s cousin, and Camila was Valeria’s closest friend at school. That movie night at her friend’s house just happened to be the first time they coincided at the same place, at the same time.He was charming, a ha
“I can’t believe this of you, Valeria. Thank God Mateo is a nice young man and he brought you home safely. But how can you come back like that?” The disapproval in her mother’s voice, the disappointment in her eyes, and the words she said at that moment were all a slap in her face.“I’m sorry.” Valeria lowered her head. “It won’t happen again.”Entering her room again without saying another word, she waited until her mother’s steps could no longer be heard, and the silent tears turned into strangled sobs.She did not mean for any of this to happen, but what was she supposed to say now? Her mother was so mad just because she came back home drunk, what would happen if she told her the rest?The sweet fantasy
‘Misfortunes never come singly.’ Why did she remember her grandmother, dead for more than ten years, more than ever these days? Abuela Juana used to repeat this a lot, whenever she talked about the family’s curse, and then she’d lock herself in the bedroom every day to pray for hours. Valeria was sure her grandma went through every bead of the rosary more than once. Maybe she, too, preferred to pray in solitude so no one would come and talk to her.On the long sunny days in the city, Valeria did not feel like leaving her bedroom when she had no reason to. She went to school, visited her friends when they invited her to hang out, and she’d laugh and have fun for a while… but then she’d be back home, feeling more lonely than ever and wishing for her misfortune to be over. For Mateo to leave her alone.
“What are you doing here?”“Just hanging out with friends.”“You’re not old enough to buy alcohol.”Daniel chuckled at the exchange between the two siblings, finally getting Meili to acknowledge his presence.“Hi, Dan.”“Hey, long time no see. You’re getting prettier every year Mei.”“I know.” The young woman smiled. “Would you please tell my brother to mind his business and let me be.”She’d come with her friends, but to her bad luck, ended up in the same bar where her brother was.&
Her mother named him Manuel, after Valeria’s grandfather.“Hi.”The child had been sleeping but woke up as soon as she entered the room, his big eyes staring at her with curiosity.Green eyes. If only he didn’t have those green eyes, she might be able to look at him. Or that was what she told herself. The truth was, the color of a baby’s eyes could change as he grew older, but even if the boy’s eyes weren’t green, Valeria would still stay away.She didn’t hate him. She thought she would because she certainly hated him when he was growing inside her. However, that was pointless now. Manuel was not at fault for his biological father being a fucking bastard. Still, she couldn’t bring herself to care as she should, either
“I’ve heard you are traveling during the holidays. So, you won’t be around for my party?” The woman batted her eyelashes coquettishly. At least, it was her attempt to do so.Daniel cleared his throat.“Ah, thanks for the invitation… but I’m visiting my grandparents.”“You must really like it there, you go every year.”They had just bumped into each other in the market, there was no need to make conversation beyond some polite greeting.“I guess so. Then… see you around, Monnie.”He didn’t like Monnie very much. However, her new year’s parties were famous and when they were teenagers it mean
“When Uncle Daniel comes, can we go on a picnic again?” Manu asked, standing right by her side on the boudoir as she tried to choose her lipstick color.“Of course. I will not have work until next month, so I can stay here with you.” She ruffled his hair. “We’re also going to the park and I’ll teach you how to ride a bike, what about that?”She’d managed to buy the bike for the kid some months ago, but it had stayed in a corner of the living room ever since because he did not want to ride with the training wheels…“Really?” Manu’s face lit up, full of excitement.“Yes. Now, your grandma and I have to go out for a moment, can you stay at Ana and Ale’s house to play with them?”