Chapter 1

“Tell me you love me.” I cried as I rode the beta’s son on the floor of the garage. “Fucking tell me you love me, Theo.” I grabbed his bicep, slamming down on him as I chased the high.

I needed to hear the word. I needed to know that I was loved even though it was for a brief exchange of body contact and fluids.

But it was worth it as long as they loved me. Right?

“Theo?” I yelled again, staring at him, but his eyes were glazed in pleasure, his mouth slightly opened as a trail of saliva ran down his lips. “Theo!” I snapped just as his eyes jerked open and he glared at me.

“The fuck, Ryan?” His eyebrows pulled tight together, annoyed he had been disturbed; suddenly his expression changed, his eyes slowly dilating, and I took him fully.

I wasn’t sure what he had seen, but his fingers dug into my hips, slamming upwards towards me. “I love you, Ryan. I love you.”

“R-raya.” The words were haphazard in my mind, my mouth moving to correct him before I could even register it. My eyes were slowly closing in pleasure at his words, one that I always longed for, a sure way to orgasm.

“I love you, Raya. I love you.” He continued screaming his love for me, and I took everything he had to offer. The world was slowly drifting out as the pleasure threatened to burst out, and I increased my pace to meet him.

“Fuck!” We both exclaimed as we came down from our high, and I collapsed on his chest, not minding the sweat and all.

“That was intense.” I smiled as I pulled out from him, cringing as I felt the little gush of liquid dripping from my legs. I managed to stand up with wobbly legs, and I held my knees, trying to balance myself.

“You are crazy, Ryan.” Theo bit back as he stood up, pulling his pants up. “What the hell was that? I don’t know if I made it clear, but I am not in love with you.”

“It is Raya.” I murmured, rolling my eyes even as I brushed off the sand that had clung to my legs. Because I refuse to associate myself with the masculine name my mother had given me. “And I am not crazy; it is just pretend.” I grumbled, but it was almost fruitless telling him.

They don’t just get it.

“I don’t care if it is pretend or real, Ryan, but that is fucked up.” Theo’s eyes narrowed into slits, his jaw locked as he glared at me like I had committed the worst crime, and I hated it. “I don’t love you, Ryan, or whatever the fuck you are called. I have a mate out there, and someday when she comes, I will love her with all my heart.”

His voice had drifted into the sappy one he used when he was talking about his love, and I pursed my lips in annoyance. “I know alright. I don’t love you too; that is all reserved for my mate.”

“Good, I am glad you understand. If you continue this charade, I have no choice but to stop this meeting.”

“Hmm.” I nodded slowly, blinking back the unshed tears that had pooled in my eyes. “So, same time, next week.”

Theo's gaze flickered to the golden watch on his wrist, the one with the carved wolf head, a gift given to all children of the higher-ups. "I am not sure," he said flatly, like I didn’t just give him the best orgasm he had ever had. "I will let you know when I need you."

“Hmm.” I hummed, taking in his features. “Alright.” I watched him go, an easy smile pulling at my lips, and it wasn’t until he had gone a good distance before I started my journey.

Yet, all I would replay on the way back home was Theo proclaiming his love for me. He must really do as I was the only one intimately involved with him.

Theo had to be one of the most handsome young men I had come across, and the only one that had managed to accept me despite all of the baggage that had come with me.

Everyone knew my story. I was Ryan, the forgotten child.

My parents had always wanted a male child, and after three unsuccessful attempts, the ultrasound had confirmed their dreams.

They were sure it was going to be a boy, one they would love unconditionally.

But I was born on the hot summer day of July, a pale, bright-eyed girl that had announced her presence to the world immediately she took her first breath, and all their hopes were dashed to the ground.

My parents had refused to hold me, their disappointment rendering them immobile, and if it weren’t for the nurse, I would have been dead.

I remained in the hospital longer than I should have, as Mother was diagnosed with postpartum depression, and apparently it was transferred to the man that donated the sperm.

And for the remaining 21 years of my life, it was no better. For one, they refused to change my name from Ryan, adamant about giving me the name they had dreamed of.

Somehow they had always forgotten to get me clothes suitable for a female; my birthday was a day to mourn for the loss of their son, but I had long given up on seeking their love.

The only way I could get my love was from outside, and I welcomed it in any form I could get it. For now, it was Theo that had my heart, and I was going to make sure I kept it.

A palpable buzz filled the air as I hurried toward the packhouse. The neighboring pack had arrived, and the annual exchange of mates was set to start tomorrow.

Unlike previous years, a wave of excitement washed over me. I could feel it deep in my soul, my wolf stirring deep inside me, and I knew this year was mine.

“Mate.” The voice halted me in my steps, and I took a sharp inhale of air as I angled my head to where the voice was coming from.

I could make out Theo cuddling with a girl whose face I had no recognition of. “Mate.” I heard him whisper again, softly, far from the husky voice that had moaned my name just a few minutes ago.

My fist tightened beside me, his words ringing in my ears, but the sound of my heart breaking was louder than them all.

I took a deep breath, trying to calm my broken heart. He was never for me; I knew that already, but it didn’t help that I wasn’t seeing it like that.

My legs dragged through the tarred road that led to home, my mind weary and ready to be done with the day.

My nose flared as the sharp masculine musk drifted towards me, and I halted in my steps. My eyes widened, my knees almost buckling from how intoxicating it was.

And then, suddenly, it vanished.

My body went rigid, my eyes closing and opening. My lips parted to call to him, but I had no name to beckon unto. Reluctantly, my hands came to rest on my hips, forcing me to release the air that had been trapped in my lungs.

I felt the subtle nudge of my wolf, a firm reminder that my mate may not be so pleased perceiving another’s cum on me.

So, I chose the path that led home, clinging to the fragile hope that he would come for me.