MOVING TOO FAST

EMILY

Another boring day followed, with my mother giving me her endless lectures. She supposedly had my best interests at heart, but when I needed her, she was always at work. Even when I had my first book out, she ignored me and said I was better off working at the firm with my sister. 

After all this time, she was happy and proud of me and my success, but that was not because she finally thought I had made it in life, but because they praised her in society not only for her success but also for my achievements.

Ever since I found the two of them in bed on my wedding night, I felt like my life was over. My mother just sat there with her words on me, whining worse than me, saying I was ruining her reputation at work, as if I felt fine that as soon as I said “I do” I found out I married a jerk. She kept telling me I should just close my eyes and get on with my marriage. I wasn’t surprised. My mother always cared about what people said and not about us, her children. Since my father's death, she had been struggling to raise us alone. We asked her many times to take us to our father's grave, but she didn't. She never understood why I couldn’t forgive Kevin. She asked me why I got married if I couldn’t overlook my loved one’s mistakes. It was so easy to talk, but no one knew what was in my heart. She just did what she thought, and that was it.

I sat on my comfy cream leather couch in the living room and looked at the pictures that covered my fluffy black carpet. The moment I took the pictures, I honestly didn't know. I wanted to film it for proof, which I did, but the pictures I didn’t realize when I took them. I was holding a glass of brandy in one hand and the bottle in the other. She was supposed to be with me. It was the cruise I was paying for. It was supposed to be my honeymoon. They had the nerve to go away together on the vacation that only I paid for our wedding, plus they posted pictures on social media showing how happy they both were.

I had to admit that this man, Kevin Parker, still made me feel that fiery thrill that shook my entire body when I saw him in pictures. Even though I wanted to hate him, I still loved him. I took a sip of the liquor I had in my glass and with my right foot pulled a picture close to me so I could study it.

The same images of the two of them flashed through my mind a thousand times. Why didn’t they say that before? I really didn’t understand? Why were they laughing at me like that?

Suddenly there was the sound of the doorbell, which made me flinch and woke me up from the deep reverie I was in. I didn’t bother to open it because I knew it was my mother. I knew because she insisted and insisted. Suddenly I noticed it was quiet, and I was overjoyed, thinking I had escaped her lecture. Only the phone I had next to me started vibrating. I realized I had no escape, so I quickly opened the door, then returned to my favorite spot where my friend “brandy” was waiting for me. 

“Oh my God! Emily, what have you done here? Are you sitting with the bottle next to you again? Leave the booze, it’ll ruin you,” said my mother, who seemed genuinely panicked and worried for me, only it was too late to worry.

“Someone ruined my life two weeks ago. What’s the point of what’s next?” I replied mournfully. Then poured another glass of brandy.

“But what good does drinking do for you? Do you think it will make you feel better?”

“It helps me forget!” I said as I felt my eyes getting watery. Although I said I would not cry anymore, I honestly found it hard not to, because my body stopped listening to my commands and just did what it wanted.

“Oh honey, you’re going to ruin yourself for sure. All your fans are wondering where you disappeared? What has happened to you? At least answer something on your social media pages.”

“Tell them what? That I wish I would just die and get rid of this tremendous pain I feel in my soul? Go away and leave me alone. Why do you always come to nag me? Leave me alone!”

“I’m your mother and I care about you.”

“Do you care about me? Now? Where were you when I was a kid? At school parties, at my first book launch, and so on? Where were you? Now you come to tell me you care about me? Leave me with my pain and get lost,” I said sharply.

“Tell me everything. That’s the only way I can help you. I wish I could help you get divorced and start a new life, but I can’t if you don’t talk about it,” she said being visibly affected by my situation. 

She really wanted to help me, only I wasn’t in the mood to talk to her. Plus, I didn’t know what I wanted from my life.

“NO!!! Go away!!!”

“Aren’t you coming with me to little Eduard’s birthday?”

“LEAVE!!!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m not poking my head out of the house anymore.”

Poor mother! I felt sorry for her. She wasn’t to blame for anything that happened to me, but I just wanted to be alone. I didn’t like anyone feeling sorry for me. She looked at me for a few more seconds and then left. Tears were streaming down her cheeks. I could tell she was hurting from the state I was in, but it was too late to get close to me. She was gone from my life for so long, I couldn’t take her back.

I was so glad she left and I could be alone again, with the glass and bottle that I hoped would help me forget the betrayal of the most important people in my life. Except the miracle didn’t last over five minutes and I heard the doorbell again. At first I hesitated to answer it, but because it was more insistent than the first time and annoyed me, I stormed off, thinking it was still my mother who had forgotten something. 

  “Can’t you see I want to be alone? What do you want?” I asked sharply.

“I know what I want, but do you know what you want from yourself and your life? What the hell are you doing here in this state? I’ve given you thousands of messages and emails. How long are you going to mourn? I’m done with this! Your life has to go on, or everything you’ve built will collapse. Are all those nights spent writing those wonderful books worth just throwing them away for two traitors?” Olivia scolded me.

“Leave me alone. Let them go wherever they want.”

Olivia was a woman in her mid-thirties, the head of the publishing house with which I collaborated on all my books. A great professional who loved her job. At first I couldn’t stand her at all, but that she was the only one who encouraged me and helped me with my books made me change my mind about her. We didn’t end up becoming great friends, but we got along pretty well. Plus, I had an ounce of respect for her because she supported me when no one believed in me. Although she annoyed me when she criticized Kevin and Susan, I later agreed with her. I thought they were my entire world, but they weren’t. I was just a doormat that they stepped on, wiped off, and walked away. Apparently, Olivia saw a different side to the two of them than I did. I thought Susan was like a sister to me, but she wasn’t. Behind the mask she wore in front of me, she was a cunning, crafty, and deceitful girl, something Olivia saw firsthand, and always told me, but I thought she was jealous. And look how the very one I pushed away from me was the one who supported me through the hard times. She was the only one who answered me that damn night. 

I always wondered what Susan Taylor had to gain by laughing at me? What was in it for her? She came from a family that was financially well off, and her parents were very soulful, selfless people. Plus, we grew up together. We’ve known each other since we were kids. Why did she betray me?

           “Here, put your clothes on and come with me.”

          “I’m not going anywhere,” I said in an irritated tone. I could already feel her bugging me and I was getting angry. 

“Maybe I didn’t make myself clear. You make yourself as pretty as you can and walk with me. We have a meeting with a big international publisher. He wants to publish your collection in all the major cities of the world and translate it into all the international languages.”

“Oh! I’m not going anywhere,” I said, with annoying pessimism. 

“Listen, I’m not interested in your personal life. You have a contract with me and you have to live up to your obligations. So I advise you to listen to me because I don’t want to lose money because of you,” she said as she glared at me with her clear blue eyes.

I looked at her for a long time but had no intention of getting up and listening to her “precious” advice. Furious, she approached me, took the glass and bottle from my hand, went to the kitchen and emptied them. She came back like lightning, grabbed my hand, yanked me away and dragged me roughly to the bedroom where I had the dressing area. I sat up on the bed, looking at her in wonder and bewilderment. Olivia grabbed a small suitcase and stuffed whatever clothes she could get her hands on and a couple of pairs of sandals into it. She then came in with a fiery red, sleeveless, knee-length, body-hugging dress with a generous neckline. There was a pair of sandals in the same color that she picked out. She came over with them and threw them into my arms.

“You only have five minutes to get dressed. I don’t feel like waiting too long for you. If you don’t comply with your contractual duties, I’ll sue you and it won’t be good for you.”

She was right. I couldn’t afford a lawsuit that I was sure I would lose and couldn’t afford to pay for because of the expense of the wedding and honeymoon. So I complied with her demands. I got up and got ready as quickly as I could, though I wasn’t as fast as I used to be. I even put on a little makeup to hide the severe dark circles under my eyes that made me look like a zombie. If the meeting was going to be important to Olivia, I had to do my best and look my best in the situation. 

“I like you now. Let’s go.”

I looked at her, trying to answer with as fake a smile as I could manage. She forced me out of the house and I was still angry. I didn’t want to face the people who looked at me questioningly and reluctantly. 

Moving towards the front door of the house, I looked around for my car keys, but her sharp voice once again woke me up.

“You don’t think you’re going to drive like this? We’re going in my car.”

I obeyed once more and headed for her luxurious, raven black SUV. Honestly, I always longed for a ride in it. 

I was still puzzled why she packed me a suitcase and stuffed it in the car’s spacious trunk. Why was a suitcase necessary for a business meeting? I didn’t get to ask her anything because the haste with which she picked me up, along with the glasses of brandy I drank, made me dizzy and trapped, forcing me to let go.