LOGIN(Chase)They discharge me with a list of instructions I actually intend to follow this time.Sleep. Eat. Slow down. See someone about the panic.I should go home.Natasha's there.Lily's there.Everything I want is finally in one place, and I should go straight to it.Instead, the next morning, I go back to find the doctor who told me I wasn't dying.I tell myself it's to say thank you.That's half of it.The other half is that I haven't been able to stop seeing her face since I came to.Not for any reason a married man should be careful about.Something older than that.Hannah was a long time ago.My first year at college, when I was still cobbled together from pure arrogance and the belief the world owed me something.We didn't end well.I don't even remember it being a decision.I wouldn’t commit, I treated her like an afterthought and then it was just over.The way things end when you're young and stupid and certain there's all the time in the world.She's not on the ward.The nur
(Sonia)Lily has decided my earring is the most important object in human history and is trying to claim it with the grip of a small, furious crab."She likes shiny things," Natasha says from the kitchen. "She gets that from your side.""Our side," I correct.The words sit strangely in my mouth, because a year ago I'd have died before claiming a side that included a foster kid from a beach town.Now I'm on her floor letting her daughter try to rip my ear apart, and the strange thing is there's nowhere I'd rather be.We’ve come a long way over the past weeks.I’m nowhere near Natasha’s favorite person yet, and she still doesn’t fully trust my motives, but she doesn’t take herself into a different room whenever I’m around anymore.Like I have a highly contagious disease.She also no longer times my visits to the second.The last two times we’ve actually chatted fairly amicably and I’m blown away by how happy that makes me.She’s nothing at all like I used to believe.She’s not boring. Or frumpy. Or
(Natasha)Eleanor is back first thing in the morning with Lily.She cracks open Chase’s door and indicates with a jerk of her head that I should follow her.Chase is still asleep, so I follow her with a sigh."He has a son," Eleanor says, the second the family-room door shuts.Like she's been waiting all night to spit the words out."We don't know that.""Natasha. I've looked at that exact face since the day Chase was born. That boy is Chase's."I don't argue the face. I saw the face."We have to find the truth," she says."We talk to her. I won't let my son walk around while there’s a half-grown boy out there he's never met because everyone is too polite to say the obvious thing out loud.""How do you propose we do that?"I keep my voice level, which takes more self-control than it should."Walk in and tell her we cracked her whole life open off a photo on her desk? If that child is Chase’s she's had thirteen years to call him. She didn't. That's an answer, Eleanor. Even if it's not
(Natasha)Brenda never calls me. Brenda emails. Brenda schedules.So when Brenda's name lights up my phone in the middle of the afternoon, I know it's bad before I answer."Chase collapsed in the board meeting."Her voice cracks."They've taken him to St. Jude's. They suspect it’s a cardiac episode."I don't remember the drive.I remember parking badly, and a security guard starting to say ma'am, you can't stop there, and me rushing past him like he didn’t exist.They can have the car towed, I don’t care.St. Jude's keeps the cardiac cases in a corridor the color of weak tea, and that's where I run out of forward motion.They won't let me in.He's being assessed. Please take a seat, ma'am. Someone will come and talk to you as soon as there’s news.I sit, fighting the urge to push past everyone and go to Chase’s bedside.James finds me there.I sent him a message, hoping he’d be able to use his doctor clout to give me answers they’d otherwise be withholding.He lowers himself into the
(Chase)The board meeting has been going an hour and I've stopped hearing words.That's the first thing I notice.Someone's presenting numbers, mouth moving, and it won't resolve into meaning. It's just sound.I haven't slept right in weeks.The nights are all the same.When Lily isn’t with me I work past midnight, then lie in the dark running tomorrow on the ceiling, and get up again before dawn.It's been like this ever since the company was handed back to me.I had the best intentions about striking that work-life balance this time around, but I can’t help feeling I have something to prove.Mostly that I’m much better at this job than Mason.And mostly I want to prove that to Natasha.On top of that Lily's teeth is coming in.And I spend most nights tossing and turning, wondering if I’m using the right approach in trying to win my wife’s heart.Slow and careful.It’s the one thing I've made myself not rush, but what if that’s the wrong way to go about it and I lose her?Every night
(Sonia)"Cut," Liam says, for the ninth time, in a voice he learned off YouTube."That was good. That was really good. Can you do it once more, but with your soul?""This is my soul, Liam. You're looking at it. Adjust your expectations.""Your soul's incredible. I just want more of it."We're shooting on a rooftop somebody's cousin technically owns, in LA heat that's turning two dozen croissants into a public health concern.Liam brought the croissants.Liam always brings croissants. It’s like a tic.There are four people on this crew, and he packed enough pastry for forty and a belief in his seven-minute short film that should be studied by scientists.He's in a denim jacket.It's ninety degrees.He's worn the wrong coat every day I've known him, and I've stopped expecting the sun to win that argument.The whole roof smells like hot tar and a mish-mash of fruity vapes.Apparently everyone in film school vapes and they all prefer different flavors.It’s giving me a headache."Why am I







