I lay on the bed, still curled up in case the pain came back, staring at the wall.
I hadn’t moved since I’d felt the rush of his orgasm. That froze me, because I knew what it meant, and even though the pain began to ease after that, I was left waiting for the mountain to crash down and bury me.
Because the moment after he’d had that rush, the bond had gone utterly dead.
In the final injustice, for a time before he reached his peak, I had thought just maybe something was changing. That maybe he’d heard me. I’d found hope, even in the pain, when it seemed like I reached him. I hadn’t been able to hear him, but I felt him—as if, in that dark chasm of his heart, the sense of him was floating to me on the very wind that stole
~ JESSE ~I was frozen again. Still sitting, but leaning on my fist, gaping at Rake, utterly confused and shaking my head.“What the hell are you talking about, Rake—what the actual fuck? I never—”“No no! No… not you! Me, Jesse… God…” he dropped his face in his hands for a moment and a shudder rocked through him. I just stared.‘Rake, what the hell?’He sucked in a deep breath and raised his head, his eyes closed. Then when he opened them, he met my gaze with grief on his fa
~ JESSE ~I was shaking, feeling sick, and too hot—everything was too hot.Rake gaped at me, shaking his head. ‘Jesse, you were already his.’‘Not until the vows, not until the fucking marriage bed. You could have stopped him—I didn’t have to be here. You saved me for this?!’His eyes went dark. ‘I helped you because I could see why God sent you. You were here to save him and through him, the rest of us. You can&rsquo
~ JESSE ~I turned my back on Rake who was talking again, trying to soothe me, but I couldn’t take in the words. My head spun—thoughts, memories, understanding swirling faster and faster until, one by one, the puzzle pieces of my life began to click together.A father who only truly loved himself, and made me work for any scrap of approval.Brothers who followed his footsteps and saw me as a possession of theirs to be exploited.A husband whose pain was so great he threw it at me, because I made it safe for him to do so.And a dear friend who loved, who saw,
~ CASIMIR ~“You can’t be serious—she isn’t even ruling!” I spat.Maya’s eyes blazed, and she leaned right into me, grabbing my shirt with her swollen hand, but it wasn’t her touch that made me want to shrink. It was the power I could feel gathering within her.Immense power.For the first time since I killed my father, there was a quiver of actual fear right behind my navel.“You listen to me, you pup,” she hissed. “That woman was brought to you by God to show you the way—she is still learning, but when she stops having to overcome
~ CASIMIR ~The throne room disappeared. Maya was gone. And I was left alone… and cold.When I lifted my head it was to find myself in that dark, cavernous canyon of my soul—the place that had almost consumed Jesse when we married. The place I had buried every memory that plagued me. And the place where the breath of a disapproving God scoured all warmth so that even what little light existed was cold.It was the place where Jesse had met me so many times before and dragged me back to the soft heat of her heart. It was the darkness I had carried with me since my youth.When I shouted here, it echoed… but no one answered.The wind fluttered against my cheek and played with my clothing a
~ CASIMIR ~With a groan wrenched from my chest, and eyes blurred with tears, I clawed fingers into the dirt simply to feel grounded… then dropped my head under the blanket of shame.“I am… I am… my father’s son,” I wheezed.In the seconds that followed, that admission almost killed me. And I fought again—fought for my life.Heal. See yourself. Know yourself.HEAL.“I am… my father’s son!” I croaked. “But please… God… I do not want to be.”The truth will set you free.
~ JESSE ~I sat on the end of my bed, my trembling hands clasped in my lap, and my entire body… vibrating.I didn’t shake. I hummed. I was afraid to move, because it seemed like if I did my bones might actually disintegrate. And yet, I had never felt more alive.Conflicting emotions roiled through me—anger, rage, hate, self-pity, the desire for revenge… But for the first time in my life, the stronger those feelings got, the stronger I felt.Whatever was happening within me, it was strong.So strong I feared it might wash me away if I gave into it.
~ JESSE ~Rake spoke to me through the link again a moment later, though he was probably halfway through the house by now.‘Jesse, please… I’m taking a car, so I’m going to be out of range quickly. Please tell me that you believe me. And that you won’t do anything reckless. They’re dangerous—your father, your brothers, their friends… they’re dangerous. And they’re deeply entwined in the pack politics, though they have no clue how precarious their position is. Just… please… promise me you’ll stay safe.’I lay there for a second, but then realized if I tortured him he might do something stupid, so I sighed and made myself answer.‘I’m going to do nothing except w